How to say No

I’ve had a corporate career. I find that meetings are often a poor substitute for making meaningful progress. In fact, many destroyed value. A regular workshop I attended started out as half a day, every six months for 40 people. Over time, it grew into a three day event, every three months for three hundred. I was getting nothing out of it so I stopped going. As a consequence, I became more productive, calmer and happier. I experienced what Jason Fried calls JOMO (Joy of Missing Out).

Why say No?

Saying no frees you up to say yes when it matters most. - Adam Grant

Saying no to many activities is required to protect our time. It allows us to focus on what matters most. Many people say yes too often. This leads to overwhelm and a life filled with uninspiring obligations. By rejecting misaligned commitments, we earn respect, add more value and gain fulfilment.

Yes/No decision framework

Focus is about saying no. - Steve Jobs

Jony Ive, Apple’s Chief Design Officer, said of Steve Jobs: Steve was the most remarkably focused person I’ve ever met. The thing with focus is, it’s not this thing you aspire to or something you do on Monday. It’s every minute.

When evaluating requests to take on new tasks, I find this framework helpful:

1. Use a filter: Does the task align with my key priorities? Does it add more value per unit time than other activities?
2. Check task importance: Ask the requester to do something, e.g. document the problem or provide supporting information.
3. Be clear and direct: A firm but polite No, thank you is often enough, if I decide not to take on the task. Long explanations are unnecessary.
4. Delay response: If I’m unsure, I give myself time: Let me think about it and get back to you.
5. Offer alternatives: I redirect the requester to someone better able to help or provide resources, e.g. a video or document.

With this framework, I get higher value things done. My company CEO recognised my contribution, my finances are in good shape and I’ve upgraded my house. Also, with regular walks, I’m happy and healthy.

Ten scripted responses

The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything. - Warren Buffett

I find the following scripted responses for difficult conversations useful (by Dr. Carolyn Frost):

1. Calendar is full => I’m at capacity until [date]. Which project should I deprioritise?
2. Asked to work late => I have commitments after 6pm. I’ll tackle it first thing tomorrow.
3. Pulled into a meeting => Could we handle this via email? I’ll respond in two hours.
4. Asked for extra projects => My plate is full with [project]. Which takes priority?
5. Pressured to respond immediately => I'll review and respond by [time] tomorrow.
6. Asked to work weekends => I'm unavailable weekends. What's the true priority?
7. Getting late night messages => I'm offline after 6pm. Catching up tomorrow at 9am.
8. Asked for last-minute help => I can't accommodate rush requests. Let's plan ahead next time.
9. Given unrealistic deadlines => This needs [X days]. Want to adjust scope or timeline?
10. Boundaries are ignored => My boundaries are non-negotiable. Let's find a solution.

Other resources

How to Say No talk by Tim Ferriss

How 3 Tech Titans Make Decisions post by Phil Martin

Clear Thinking post by Phil Martin

David Allen sums things up: You can do anything, but not everything.

Have fun.

Phil…