How to Say 'Hello'

Previously, my books were on business topics. One on leadership, “The 8 Managerial Challenges”, and one on team building, “The Individual Team: How Fairness Wrecked the Workplace”. My current work is on interpersonal communications. That is to say how to speak to others to inform, get what you want or be understood.

But when you boil it all down, it’s ALL communications! A breakdown in the transmission of ideas can and many times does lead to a failure in business. As I discussed in my first book, the majority of those in management have had no training in management whatsoever. I consider good communication to be the foundation of all leadership. No wonder so many employees complain about their bosses. How can one lead others if that leader cannot express one’s ideas in?

But for many of us, the challenge is much more basic than instructing or guiding others. There are those, even the greatest of communicators, who struggle when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. Saying “Hello” can be nerve-wracking for those who simply do not know what to say. Even a job interview provides a topics list; responsibilities, salary, benefits, etc. But turning a stranger into a friend can be daunting.

First, let’s start with the attitude. If you are concerned about not being accepted or outright rejection, don’t be. More than like the other person feels just as awkward. Whether it’s on the job or at a social function, consider this new person to be a discovery to uncover. It’s not so much about acceptance at this stage as it is about being congenial.

I know of a man who gets right in a person’s face and almost stares them down when he is introduced. I have “met” him on a couple of occasions and each time he uses his body to invade my space and asks me a question designed to intimidate. Even the way he asks, “What do you do?” has the tone of denigration. The guy comes across as an ass because he is one. Obviously, he is compensating for… something. But I really do not care what because I don’t need someone like that in my life. And neither do you. Just excuse yourself and walk away knowing most people will be delighted in discovering who you are. ?

If you want a good, EASY conversation, get the other person to talk about themselves. After all, we are our own favorite topics. A classic self-development book is Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People". In it, the author reminds readers the sweetest sound to our ears is our own name. So, ask about THEM and see what topics you may have in common. Once you discover that, it's all downhill.

Some of the most interesting conversations I have ever had were without an agenda. There is no outcome to work toward, just have fun discovering and see where it goes. If someone is wearing a pair of unusual shoes, comment on them and ask where they got them. Chinese characters in a tattoo, ask what they mean. Visible tattoos are there for a reason, get someone talking about them and they won't shut up.

Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with someone while in the checkout line or waiting on a bus. If you are in business, go to a networking event and chat with others there. Check out a civic club like Rotary, Kiwanis or Lions club. Visit a Church. You don't have to join to have engaging chats.

And that’s all they are, casual chats, so practice meeting strangers. There is an adage, “Wherever you go, there you are”. So, why not engage whoever is with you where you are.

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