How To Say No: 21 powerful questions and a work book

A few weeks ago my new client, Jay, told me she felt like she was always playing catch up. ‘Don’t get me wrong’ she said ‘I love to be busy, but despite my attempts to work SMART , the admin tasks have piled up and I think I’m just worn out. ?

Jay’s story

Jay acknowledged that she was a ‘people pleaser’. It was a habit she got into as a child to appease a demanding mother who was low on unconditional love and who had ‘anger management’ issues when things did not go her way. It had been easier back then for Jay to acquiesce just to keep the peace.

It was a behaviour trait that got her through a difficult childhood but the consequences now were that Jay had way too much on her plate. Never able to say ‘no’ meant her roles had stacked up to a point where they were actually starting to make her ill.

In her community she was chief fund raiser for her local church, ran the Brownies, was the WI Treasurer and the local book club co-coordinator and had also ended up as the village hall Chair.

And this was all in addition to her full time job as a user-interface designer for a large marketing firm!

With all these commitments, Jay had simply lost touch with who she was and what she really wanted from life. With no clear personal goals and no clear boundaries, it really was time for her to ask herself some searching questions and perhaps just learn how to say ‘no’ more often.

In our sessions, Jay and I worked through 21 powerful questions that helped her identify what was important for her, what she could take control of, let go of, and most importantly, what she could say ‘no’ to.?

The 21 questions: ?

·What would you change about your life if you were guaranteed success?

·Who is it that brings out the best in you? Can you spend more time with them?

·If you keep up your current routine, in 5 years time, will your life be better… or worse?

·What advice would your future self give you right now?

·Are your actions aligned with what you want… or just what others expect?

·What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?

·Who do you owe an apology to? Can you do it today?

·What would your ideal week look like and can you start creating it today?

·What truth about yourself are you denying?

·What part of your life needs to change and why aren’t you doing something about it?

·What can you do to improve 1% today?

·What’s getting too much attention from you? What needs more?

·What current habit is stopping you from making progress?

·What’s the bravest thing you could do today?

·What’s something you love that you’ve given up? Can you start again?

·If your life was a book what would a one page summary say?

·What are you willing to struggle for because it’s worth it?

·What was the best day this month? Can you plan more days like that?

·What action can you take today that you will be proud of?

·Which areas of your life would benefit from setting stronger boundaries?

·What, or who, should you say ‘no’ to?

?Learning to say 'no'

Eventually, there comes a time when we all have to stand up for ourselves. ? Perhaps you’ve been taken advantage of for too long. You’ve become that go-to person for every project and committee.

You are targeted because everyone around you has found out your secret: you can’t help but say yes…even when you don’t want to. If that's you, perhaps it’s time to take charge of your life. ?

Rather than thinking of ‘no’ as being negative, you might need to realise there’s a lot of positive energy packed into this two-letter word. Saying ‘no’ is a powerful thing that will change how you think about your life… and yourself. ? ‘No’ is often thought of as a negative word. ?

However, ‘no' in reality is really just a boundary. ?It defines the edges between us and the world. It's what protects us and makes us stronger. It is the word that holds control of our destiny. With ‘no' you set the standard both for how you wish to be treated, and how much you will allow others to dictate your life. ?

‘No' is our possibility and our opportunity for growth when done well and the way that we get more of the things that matter done. Saying ‘no’ is a skill and mastering this valuable skill makes you a powerful person. ?

New skills take time to master, and with any habit, the more the practice saying ‘no,’ the better you’ll get at it. Slipping up and saying ‘yes’ to the wrong thing isn’t going to be the end of the world. Just take note of the event and learn from it. This way, the next time that situation comes up you know better how to handle it. ?

Try completing the Learning to Say 'No' Workbook to identify what’s important to you, what your boundaries are… ? And when to say ‘no’! ?

The 2024 Fusion Therapeutic Coaching Diploma and Master Coach programme is full but you can still access the NCFE accredited Skills Certificate at the reduced price of ￡455 which is deductible from the cost of the Diploma should you later enrol. Follow thisnbsp;linknbsp;for immediatenbsp;purchase of your Skills Workbook.

The Fusion Mindfulness Based Mind Management Skills Certificate is an 8 week programme which integrates mindfulness practices with an effective toolbox of mind management techniques. Upon completion you can purchase the full programme with Power Point and Trainers scripts for work with your own clients and to run mindfulness work shops license free

?THE SUPER COACHES ARE COMING ?