How Ruinous Empathy Undermines Praise In Radical Candor

In the pursuit of being kind and supportive, managers often fall into the trap of Ruinous Empathy when offering praise. This well-intentioned but misguided approach can actually hinder growth and development. Understanding how ruinous empathy affects praise is crucial for leaders aiming to practice Radical Candor? effectively.

The Pitfalls of Vague Praise

Ruinously empathetic praise often manifests as vague, generic compliments like "Good job!" or "Great work!" While these phrases seem positive on the surface, they lack the specificity needed to be truly helpful. As Kim Scott , co-founder of Radical Candor, points out, "If you can say it to your dog, it's not really feedback."

Vague praise fails to:

1. Highlight specific actions or behaviors that led to success
2. Provide actionable insights for future improvement
3. Demonstrate sincere engagement with the person's work

The Danger of Insincere Praise

Ruinous Empathy can lead managers to offer praise even when it's not warranted, out of a desire to avoid hurting feelings or maintain a positive atmosphere. This insincere praise can be deeply problematic:

• It erodes trust when the recipient senses the insincerity
• It fails to address real issues that need improvement
• It can set people up for future failure by not addressing shortcomings

As Jason Rosoff , Radical Candor co-founder says, Rosoff notes: "If the person did not feel like they did a good job, the praise does not have the desired effect."

The "Bob" Example: A Cautionary Tale

Kim Scott shares the story of "Bob," an employee she praised insincerely due to a mix of Ruinous Empathy and fear of being seen as mean. By telling Bob his work was "great" when it wasn't, and only suggesting he make it "a little bit better," Kim failed to address serious performance issues. This ultimately led to Bob's termination, a far worse outcome than if she had offered clear, kind criticism early on.

The Purpose of Praise in Radical Candor

Effective praise in Radical Candor is not about making people feel good—it's about helping them understand what they did well so they can replicate that success. As Radical Candor Principal Coach and Podcast Host Amy Sandler puts it, "The purpose of praise is to show the person what to do more of so they can repeat the success."

Tips for Radically Candid Praise

1. Be specific and sincere: Highlight particular actions, decisions, or outcomes that were praiseworthy.
2. Get your facts straight: Ensure you're praising the right person for the right thing.
3. Make it public when appropriate: Public praise can set examples for the whole team.
4. Focus on the good stuff: As Kim says, "Praise is like putting your foot on the accelerator."
5. Don't praise if you don't mean it: Insincerity undermines your credibility and the value of your feedback.

By avoiding Ruinous Empathy and embracing specific, sincere praise, leaders can foster a culture of continuous improvement and genuine support. Remember, the goal is not just to make people feel good, but to help them grow and excel in their roles.

Tune in to the Radical Candor? Podcast to learn to love your job and kick a** at work without losing your humanity by practicing the principles of Radical Candor. Host and Lead Radical Candor Coach Amy Sandler leads discussions with Radical Candor Author and Co-founder Kim Scott and CEO and Co-founder Jason Rosoff about what it means to be Radically Candid, why it’s simple but not easy to Care Personally and Challenge Directly on the daily, and why it’s worth it. Want to bring Radical Candor to your team? Drew Muir or Dan Greene can help! Have a topic you want us to discuss? Email it to [email protected] .