How To Respond Confidently When You're Put On The Spot

How can you build the confidence you need to advocate for yourself? Join me next Wednesday, April 10 as I'll be hanging out with Jessi Hempel and the Hello Monday Podcast team during "office hours" on the LinkedIn News page as they recap my recent 'Closing The Confidence Gap' podcast episode. Come chime in to get ideas and insights so you can walk away with a little more confidence. It's free! RSVP & join the event HERE.

"Kelli, what do you think about this?"

No single phrase could make my stomach drop, throat dry out and heart race faster than this, especially as a young leader in Corporate America being called to speak on the spot in front of a room full of people. Even today with nearly 20 years of training and speaking experience in front of groups, when I'm called for my opinion in the moment, thoughts compete for space in my brain. I feel the inner struggle communicating my key point clearly versus the part of me that wonders if I've droned on too long.

Knowing how to speak clearly and confidently on the spot or in high-stakes moments is a common goal for my clients, too. I've learned that we all tend to worry about one of these things when we are called to share our point of view with little prep time - do any of these resonate with you?:

• What if I sound silly?
• Did that make any sense at all?
• Did I ramble on for too long?
• Was my point clear?
• Was I totally off base?
• How can I get all of my thoughts coherently out in a few sentences?
• How can I keep my mind from going blank?

And my favorite....

• Why do I think of EXACTLY what I should have said about five hours AFTER the moment?

As we accelerate into leadership, and work with higher level executives or more important clients, the time shortens and stakes rise to make a clear impact in the moment. So, the ability to communicate your point of view clearly and confidently becomes an influential leadership skill to master.

Remove The Pressure

One lesson I learned as I began to speak in front of many groups was this - we don't need to word vomit every idea or opinion in our head, instead try communicating a single idea with impact. Pressuring ourselves to share everything on our mind in a single moment keeps us ruminating silently instead of communicating skillfully.

The mindset shift is this: When we share a single idea and invite collaboration, we allow for conversations to begin, not end. Therefore in the long run, this provides us many opportunities to share our points of view over time. You can ease the pressure for perfection in that moment and focus on the connection with your audience.

How do you know which thought to pick to share when you're put on the spot? Start with the one you are most excited or passionate about in that moment. Then, try my S.P.O.T. framework.

Here's a framework you can try the next time you are put on the spot so you can speak up or answer a question with a little more confidence.

Boost Your Peace

First, take a deep, four count breath as you practice the first step below. It will help slow down your nervous system and become a bit calmer, more intentional in the moment. Remember, it's normal to become nervous or self-conscious in these moments and that's okay. You can't criticize yourself into more confidence here, so try compassion instead.

Boost Your Potential

Practice this four-part framework the next time you are put on the S.P.O.T.:

• Summarize the ask. This tactic is helpful in two ways. First, it gives brain time to catch up and for you to breathe. Second, it is a active listening skill to show you understand the intention of the question. This might sound like repeating the question asked, for example, “You are curious about my thoughts on giving this customer a refund”?
• Point of view. Share the point of view that comes up immediately or strongly for you, in alignment with your skills and values. No need to worry right now if it is the "right" one! Because if you are sharing with a mindset that conversations are beginning, not ending, more will unfold over time. This might sound like, “From my perspective and history with the client, offering a refund could impact the relationship by ________.”
• Offer collaborative discussion. When you release the need to have the perfect, first-right answer, you can foster open dialogue to find the best answer. Conversations begin and more opportunities can present themselves for your input. This might sounds like, “How does this perspective sync with others’ experience with this client?”
• Take aways and transition. Naming the decision and summarizing a conclusion are a skillful way to close a conversation that encourages action. This might sound like, “It sounds like we are considering XYZ… if this is correct, what are the next steps for me and others here?”

Boost Your Paycheck

Want to feel more comfortable with offering your point of view in a concise manner so you can make your desired impact in the big decision-making rooms?

• Tell others your goal and practice. One of the best ways to gain expertise here is to begin practicing when the stakes are low. Have your leader call on you in (low-stakes) meetings or practice with you in 1-1 settings. Ask for their feedback retrospectively.
• Record yourself responding and watch the tape. Yes this is difficult, but a game changer for those wanting to improve their delivery skills!
• Partner with a colleague who has the same goal and challenge each other with questions and responses.

Remember, there is always room for follow up on a idea, even when clarity comes to you five hours after being put on the spot! This is when a thoughtful email or chat can serve to keep the conversation going. This might sound like, "Your question today really got me thinking! One more a-ha I had about this I wanted to share is XYZ. Would you like to discuss this further?"

Remove the pressure to stuff all of your thoughts and ideas into a single opportunity. At the end of the day, connection over perfection wins when you're talking to people.

What other tips would you add to speak clearly and confidently when you're put on the spot?

Kelli Thompson is a leadership & executive coach, award-winning speaker and author who is on a mission to help women advance to the rooms where decisions are made. She offers executive coaching , leadership workshops and keynote speaking to lead with more clarity and confidence.

Want more tips like this? Grab a copy of Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck HERE .