HOW TO RESPOND TO A COMPLIMENT
Working as a contemporary artist and author I can attest to the fact that the art of handling a compliment is a field of practice all its own and well worth learning . the old "pat on the back ", compliments can come from many different places;Your colleagues at work, random strangers, or even your mom, are much more likely to say something flattering about you when you look nice or have accomplished something successfully. I came across this article from Gentleman's Gazette and thought it would be a nice share to put out there to my LinkedIn friends ,Many of whom are complimented or congratulated many times for their good work endeavors and "proud we are of all of them " for doing so.Having said that , The problem is, people are uncomfortable when they are complimented. It sometimes even makes them feel modest, guilty, or embarrassed. It can also make you feel like an impostor or people start to interpret things into it like “What is he really saying here?” or “What does he want from me?”.
As a consequence, people often reply to a compliment in a way that makes the whole situation awkward. Basically, it turns something positive to something negative and it’s just sad and the worst case, makes you look like an a jerk.
How Not To Reply To A Compliment
When given a compliment, be polite. It’s never the time to correct them for using incorrect terms
1. First of all, don’t correct people
Compliment: “Nice suit, man!”
Your response: “Well, it’s actually a sports coat.”
It makes you look like a big blowhard . Of course, a suit is different from a sports coat but this person was just trying to be nice and it’s not the time to educate or correct them.
2. Resist the urge to escape
Compliment: “I love your….”
You get uncomfortable and interrupt them and say “Oh, got to go. Sorry.”
That’s a bad thing. It’s just awkward and it makes them feel like they said something wrong and in fact, something so bad that you ran from them.
Denying a compliment is never appropriate
3. Don’t deny stuff
Compliment: “Hey, great haircut ”
Your response: “Oh no, I really hate that and I want to get rid of it.”.
It makes them feel like they have bad taste. On top of that, it also shows that you don’t have tact.
4. One of the worst things you can do is to deflect a compliment
Compliment: “Hey, I really like your tie a lot!”
Your response: “Oh no, yours is even better!”
It seems clearly made up on the spot and just seems very disingenuous because you just said exactly the same thing that they said to you. Nobody’s going to believe you.
Avoid wordy explanations, you will make them wish they didn’t say anything at all
5. Don’t explain or over-explain
Compliment: “Man, I love those shoes.”
Your response: ” Well actually, I got them from my mom and she always says women like nice shoes and I really hope I could pick up nice girls in them.”
Once you say that, people feel like it’s an overshare. They’ll think you’re a geeky, nerdy, awkward person and they will certainly not compliment you again and they probably don’t even want to talk to you again.
6. Don’t brag
Compliment: “Nice tie, bro!”
Your response: “Yeah, it’s from Hermes, cost me $200. I have the entire collection at home.”
This is probably the biggest, asshole move you can make because you just brag about yourself and how awesome you are.
Dark Navy Suit with striped tie and TV fold pocket square
7. Never cheapen a compliment
Compliment: “Oh, this is an interesting...
pocket square!” [ A special thanks to all for the kind words stellar reviews and encouraging compliments on APPLES FROM THE GARDEN OF EDEN]
Your response: “Oh no, it’s nothing special! I just bought them for 50 cents at a thrift store next door.”
Basically, what you’re saying is the other person has cheap taste and who wants to hear that?
8. Don’t forfeit
Let’s go back to the pocket square example.
It’s like “Oh no, it’s nothing special. Here! It’ll look much better on you, you want it?”. Just because someone compliments you because it works for you, doesn’t mean it’d work for them. Also, you just told them that it was something bad and you give it to them, you show them how much you appreciate them which is very little.
So now that we have all these bad examples, how do you accept a compliment like a gentleman?
There’s no need to be embarrassed, just relax and smile
1. Relax
Someone is just trying to be nice and says something nice to you, that’s it. Don’t try to interpret things at all. Simply smile and say thank you. That’s really all there is to it. It’s particularly true if a stranger compliments you and you’ll probably never see them again and that’s okay. Just go along and smile.
On the other hand, if it’s a compliment from someone you see regularly, again, do not deflect and just say something nice about them.
Paying attention is key to giving a sincere compliment
2. Try to observe them
Over the next week or two, if you find something that’s truly special and unique about them, you can compliment them. Don’t say “You look great today!” because that’s generic, they’ve heard it a thousand times, and they don’t believe you. It’s also very uncreative.
3. Compliment their actions
Maybe a job they did well or the food they cooked or something they’re really interested in because it shows them that you paid attention to them and you said something meaningful.
Should you compliment someone on their looks even on details? Well, that depends.
Complimenting someone shows that you appreciate something about them
Don’t ever compliment their physical features
It backfires and catcalling, of course, is not a compliment. On the other hand, let’s say someone is really into their clothes and you saw that they got a new pair of heels, you can, of course, remark on them because they will likely be very flattered to hear they got a good pair of shoes that you like.
CONCLUSION
Bottomline is, in order to give a great compliment back, you have to pay attention! So whenever you pay a compliment, it’s essential that it’s genuine. Otherwise, your body language and the way you say it will communicate that it’s not true then it really backfires on you.
