8 Things You Can Do To Increase Resilience & Success In A Crisis

Over the Summer I got diagnosed with a malignant melanoma, (skin cancer). The months leading up to the diagnosis were challenging: business was crazily busy, whilst juggling childcare and trying to spend quality time with my daughter but also maintaining a resourceful state of mind for my clients and family. This experience has tested my mettle. It has also made me reflect on my most successful clients and why they continue to do so well.

We all face challenges whether work or personal related at some stage in our lives: promotion, demotion, job loss, client loss, conflict, divorce, becoming a parent, death. How we show up during those crises can be the difference between success and failure, resilience and damaging our mental well-being:

1.   Don’t give away your power and trust your instincts: when I went to see my GP to get my moles checked, she laughed and said, ‘Oh you’re just getting old’. This deterred me from going to see her again when my skin started to itch near what turned out to be a malignant mole. I bought an app called Skin Vision and the assessment came back as high risk. Armed with further evidence I saw another doctor and was referred immediately. When faced with a problem, work out what you can do.

2.   Forgive yourself. Forgive others: a couple of people have asked whether I am going to make a complaint, following the GP’s behaviour. Could I wind myself up about this? Yeah sure. I don’t want to waste energy on it. I will choose my moment to give feedback, however, I also believe that we are all fallible. Show me someone who’s never made a mistake? I was a child of the 70’s. We didn’t wear sun cream. In fact, I remember deliberately not wearing sunscreen when I was 18 and aware of the risks, because I wanted a tan. A Maltese waiter said to me: ‘You look like a tomato – no?!’ Hmmn very cool. Not! To release myself from blame, I used this phrase: We are at, where we are at, now let’s deal with it.

3.   Stop the ‘what ifs’: after I used the Skin Vision app I did which GP’s have told me they hate, (having trained them): I googled it. I scared the pants off myself and immediately went to worst case scenario. My husband caught me crying in our gym in the garage. At that moment, I realised that I needed to reel things in a bit. I pounded it out on the treadmill to bring some balance back. Recognise your ‘state’ and do what you need to do to calm yourself down, e.g. talk to someone who can bring perspective, go for a walk, (being with nature reduces stress), see your mates etc.

4.   Manage your demons: the worst part of this process has been the waiting and keeping my thoughts in check. My guilty pleasure is the Real Housewives series. Vicki Gunvalson, was dealing with the death of her mum and her partner’s cancer and whilst she was having a massage said: ‘I have no problems right now’. If you think about it, that was true but depends where our focus of attention is. Is it 6 months down the line contemplating what lies ahead? Are we reflecting back on what could have been? Or are we in what we are in? Our thinking can steal what we have right now.

5.   Be aware of your words and the meanings you associate with them: we have deliberately not used the word cancer in front of our daughter. One of our friends died from cancer, so that word is scary for her right now, because she still talks about the fact her friend lost her mum. We all create our unique meanings for words through our experience. If I am completely honest, I was scared too and wondered how I would cope. I hate hospitals. What I have been surprised by is how much the human spirit can deal with. I have heard so many stories from my clients and in the face of adversity, they were still OK. My lovely neighbour said to me the other day, which helped to reframe things: ‘Cancer is just a word’.

6.   Express emotions appropriately: my consultant and cancer nurse have been amazing. So compassionate and clear. When I was given my diagnosis, I bit my lip. I was trying to be brave. The nurse then took us into a separate room to allow us to process what had been said. She was so kind…in fact it was her kindness which resulted in me crying. In my coaching practice, I have heard how it wasn’t OK for some of the adults I have worked with to have feelings. Either they were ignored, made to feel silly or actively beaten if they expressed emotion. It doesn’t make the feelings go away though does it? Equally I am a believer in not over-egging the pudding, which relates to #3 and #4 above. We can make ourselves worse if we are not careful. This is a great video on the topic.

7.   Focus on the facts: throughout this process I have tried to focus on the positive things which have been said by the consultant: we caught it early, it’s less than 1 mm deep, it was a lazy growing mole, (this made me laugh), as a precautionary measure, we are going to take a bit more skin to ensure we have got it all…and you have a 98% chance of a full recovery.

8.   Finally, a bit of gratitude never goes amiss: As I walked around the hospital following the diagnosis, I was humbled by some of the things I could see people were going through. Hurricane Irma had just hit the Virgin Islands and Florida awaited her fate. There is always someone worse off. It really put things into perspective. I know I have been lucky. Gratitude is scientifically proven to enhance life and wellbeing. Ask yourself: what is working for me right now? What is good in my work-life?

Sample our Coaching or Find out More:

If you would like to make some changes, take the first step and book a free sample coaching discovery session with me. I have a limited number of free sessions each month for people and organisations that are genuinely interested in my services. Meetings last up to 2 hours long and can be conducted either in the comfort of your own home/office via skype or face to face.

Alternatively, if you’re interested in finding out about the courses we can offer, including The Personal Effectiveness Programme, drop me an email or I can be contacted on: M: 0787 060 2256.

Wishing you all the very best,

Estelle Read,

Executive Coach & Trainer at Beee.