How to be resilient - some lessons from nature

I was inspired to write this after speaking to Raymond Chike this week.

We were exploring how I intended to support people to grow back strong from experiences of injustice at work.

This had evolved into supporting contractors who had one too many bad experiences and were saying

enough is enough (I am going to leave contracting)

This can be a pivotal moment for many people. You can get stuck in the injustice and your feelings of anger, betrayal and (the one that anger hides - fear) or you can allow these feelings to be (sometimes slowly) composted to grow something beautiful (which will be your healthy response to the challenges you are facing).

Composting happens at a certain speed depending on the material, access to oxygen and the nature of the material.

For example, dead wood composts slowly, soft vegetables rot down quickly.

Fungi and bacteria facilitate the composting as does water and heat.

Raymond suggested that what I was proposing was a 'thing' called Resilience Coaching. And that there was a wide demand for this amongst many people who have or are struggling to deal with challenging experiences at work.

Since then I have been doing some low level research to understand this emerging 'field' and how it relates to my coaching practice.

I always start with the non-human natural world seeking examples of resilience in the natural world. This helps get past the human stories and biases and get to the 'truth'.

I will admit to having a bias here.

I was seeking to prove that resilience isn't a quality but a 'feature' that is inherent. I wanted to demonstrate that challenge arises and we grow as a consequence. I believe that it is inherent in our nature albeit it takes practice to reconnect as we are so disconnected from our own true nature.

There were examples such as the concept of stress wood that grows in response to windy conditions giving them flexibility and resistance to winds whereas trees that are not exposed to wind (such as in a forest) are more likely to break.

I realized this was flawed and limited as trees growing in forests are also part of nature so picking selective examples would be disingenuous.

And it became clear what was missing:

Relationality

When we are talking about resilience it is from the individual perspective. It starts from the belief that we are alone and separate.

Fear creates this anxiety. And the unstated but widespread fear of our own mortality.

Accepting our own mortality can open up all sorts of possibilities.

In the same way as the person with a terminal illness suddenly discovers what really matters to them and quits their job.

So what? Where do you go from here?

We can start by recognizing and valuing the relationships that matter to us.

Value those which give us something from money through to human connection in all its rich variety.

Strengthen them by showing gratitude which could come in the form of giving time, trying to be a better employee, buying flowers (not for your employer, that would be weird ??).

What am I going to do?

Well I have already thanked Raymond.

What is going to grow from this?

Well I have developed and am refining the Six Principles to Grow Back Strong which .

I am now going to add one that is clearly missing connected with Relationality.

This speaks to connection and one aspect of this is knowing yourself (or connecting with yourself).

I am writing this in light of something that I learned about myself during an Earthaconter Community OurNature session this week. I like time alone to play with ideas and come up with my own answers, following my own agenda.

I hope you like it.

What do I think resilience is?

It's the ability to grow in response to adverse life experiences. From this comes self-confidence, (self) trust which helps to grow self-esteem which leads to developing your own motivating purpose or intention and a much greater positive impact in the world and a strong sense of fulfilment.

That's all ??

If you like this and would like to get a copy of the revised Six (or Seven Principles), let me know.

(Unrelated to this - roots in the tree become stronger on the leeward side - source: Hellis Solutions Ltd )