How Resiliency and Self-Care Are Being Weaponized PT. 2

This is the second article series adapted from my?white paper s, discussing how self-care is being weaponized during a time of uncertainty.?

Take a moment to reflect on how many broken promises you have made with yourself. I will feel better once everything is back to ‘normal’, there is no normal, just new familiars, yet you are still not feeling better. I will get up earlier tomorrow to go for a walk, then don’t. I will take a lunch break today, then work right through it. These broken promises to ourselves matter. We need to acknowledge that we may not have always had the best history with change or improving our emotional state, yet we can. There is no shame here. Building awareness and having plan to point yourself in the direction you wish to travel is paramount. Creating realistic systems and habits will make a difference. You need to hold a vision of your desired emotional state. Right now, many of us are looking where we DON’T want to go, wondering why we are heading in that direction. Just like in white water rafting, don’t look, where you don’t want to go, or you will inevitably paddle yourself to that very spot. Focus on being well in your ‘here and now’ body and mind.??

We must find a way to be okay DURING the change season. This is for you, not the establishment. And what is terrific about this truth is that when you start feeling better, our perspective shifts from threat-tunnel focus to broader views, increasing problem-solving, critical thinking and innovation. And that is the mindset we need to solve the problems that are plaguing us right now.?

What are some of my program’s wise practices that can accomplish this???

Let me tell you.?

TOOLS FOR THOSE WHO ARE TIRED OF TOOLS?

We are complex beings. We are feeling factories who entertain over 65,000 thoughts per day. It takes a herculean effort to balance our emotional lives when we also factor in impulses, urges, drives, lived experiences, pressures, a boss, with a side of occupational loneliness while also celebrating our familial roles, pets, oh and getting ready for the spring holidays! And yet, we still strive for a clean house too.?

1. Simply start where you can: I surrendered my need for a clean house to a clean kitchen, and it has done wonders! Who says this needs to look or be done this way? Challenge the belief that everything needs to be in order and perfect. Hold standards, not ideals.??
2. Ask for help where you can. There is no shame in asking for help when the weight of your world cannot be supported with your two hands. When we are in a constant state of doing and giving, it may be hard to receive. Some may feel like it is easier just to do it yourself than explain to someone how to help. Pick your priorities and let the other things be good-enough-for now. There will be no ribbons for those who learned how to make sourdough bread, won Wordle, or Marie Kondo’d their closets. We need regulated people, not perfection.??
3. Find micro-breaks where you can: There is no one coming to rescue us. We also don’t need saving. We need 5 minutes in solitude to drink a hot coffee or time to listen to a great podcast that helps name what we feel and inspires us to keep going. Take 5 when and wherever you can. Modelling this for our children is a secondary bonus. Show them by your actions, not your words, had to self-regulate.??
4. Hold empathy for yourself as you would for others: As you show kindness and gratitude for others, please share that with yourself. It is by showing empathy and compassion for ourselves that it can then flow onto others. You are entitled to a bad day. That doesn’t make you an ungrateful person. Remember, it doesn’t matter if you are drowning in 2 feet of water, or 10 feet of water, you still need to come up for air. Your life depends on it.??
5. Recognize dual truths: You can love your life and need to cry. You can love your job and fantasize about owning an animal sanctuary. You can love your family and need time alone. Living in the extremes is small real-estate, there is much more room in the middle!??
6. Honour all the behaviors! Even those maladaptive behaviours that are helping you cope; Thank you Netflix, rompers, pets, chocolate, venting sessions with that dear friend and Ted Lasso. Every behaviour serves a purpose. You do not have to fix anything or everything today or ever. You don’t have to grow, heal, and achieve every second of your life. There is a remarkable change when we show grace and perhaps a wee bit of mercy for ourselves.??
7. Go for the ONE thing that will make you feel like you are living your values. Maybe it is reading a story to a child. Or perhaps it is supporting a local business. Or making time to walk your dog. Each day make sure that ONE thing is getting done. Often our value-based behaviours fall to the bottom of the never-ending list.?
8. Honor how much you have gone through and grown through. List all the things that you have discovered and learned about yourself these last 24 months. Celebrate it all. Give yourself credit and recognition for what you have done and continue to do.?
9. Recognize the truth that the function of our nervous system is to keep you alive, not happy. You need to create moments of joy, ease, and pleasure. Your body doesn’t do this automatically. Only the feelings of anxiety, fear and avoidance are automatic, we have to add the good feelings.??
10. Make what matters most, matter most, unapologetically. We are replaceable in most of our professional roles. Invest in the roles in your life where you are irreplaceable. Don’t miss the phone call with a loved one or that basketball game or cheer competition. Show up. When all else fails show up for your loved ones and yourself.??

You may have also brought a fruit roll-up to this knife fight, but thankfully we are using our words, and it looks like we are going to walk away from this alive! You are here. You have the right to be well and feel good. When you feel good, you do good. It really is that simple. Remember, you are your decisions not your conditions. We can make the decision to be well in an unwell world.??

Take good care my friends,

Dr. Robyne

Interested in this topic? Please join me on my next article as I discuss reframing strength using vulnerability, openness, and emotion.