How Resilience Can Help You Achieve Self-Mastery

Have you ever wondered how some people bounce back from difficult or traumatic circumstances or setbacks while others struggle? That ability to recover and move forward is called resilience.

Resilience is crucial because it allows people to maintain wellness and flourish despite challenges.

Resilience and self-mastery go hand in hand. Possessing qualities promoting resilience, such as emotional intelligence, tenacity, and problem-solving skills, is also necessary to achieve self-mastery. Self-mastery can increase resilience. When one can regulate their impulses, emotions, and behaviors, one can better handle challenges and recover from setbacks.

A resilient person can gather their resources, solicit help when needed, and devise solutions to their issues. People with psychological resilience can adjust to many challenges in life, such as those related to:

• The passing of a close friend or relative.
• A divorce.
• Financial worries.
• A business failure or lack of success.
• Poor health.
• Loss of a job.
• Medical emergencies.
• Natural disasters.

Instead of giving in to hopelessness or using unhealthy coping methods to escape issues, resilient people face life's obstacles head-on.

Those who are resilient experience distress, grief, and worry just as others do. Instead, they employ healthy coping methods to deal with these difficulties and typically emerge stronger than before.

Characteristics of Resilience

• A survivor mentality: Those who are resilient identify as survivors. They are aware that if difficult circumstances do emerge, they can overcome them.
• Effective emotional regulation: Resilient people often exhibit this trait, but it doesn't mean they don't also go through intense emotions like anger, grief, or terror. When under stress, resilient people can keep their emotions under control. It suggests that they know those feelings are transient and may be managed until they pass. Resilient people possess a strong feeling of self-control and the conviction that their actions can change the way things turn out.
• Accepting flaws and imperfection. Being aware of and accepting the fact that perfectionism makes resilience more challenging.
• Self-compassion: Another sign of resilience is exhibiting self-acceptance and compassion. Resilient people are compassionate to themselves, even in trying circumstances.
• Dealing effectively with failure: The capacity to respond constructively to failure.
• ?Effective decision-making: Understanding and practicing the elements of good decision-making, particularly the influence of emotions.
• Growth mindset: Adapting from failures to advance and being observant.
• Adaptability and flexibility: Steering clear of inflexible, set-in-stone attitudes and actions undermining resilience.

Some Research on Resilience

Psychologists call the ability to walk through bad experiences ‘resilience’. “It generally means adapting well in the face of chronic or acute adversity,” says neuroscientist?Dr Golnaz Tabibnia, who studies the neurological basis of resilience at the University of California, Irvine.

Dr. Eric Meyer and his team from the Department of Veterans Affairs in Waco, Texas have shed light on an exciting discovery within the American military veteran community. Through studying veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, they noted that individuals who showed fewer signs of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) — which could be seen as a testament to their resilience — often exhibited a characteristic called “psychological flexibility.” This means they tended to disagree with statements like “I am afraid of my feelings” and “emotions cause problems in my life.”

In simpler terms, psychological flexibility is like emotional adaptability. Dr. Selda Koydemir, a psychologist and counsellor not involved in Meyer’s study, explains that being psychologically flexible involves changing our perspectives and actions during tough times without feeling overwhelmed. It doesn’t mean avoiding hard emotions but embracing them as a natural part of our experiences. Dr. Koydemir emphasizes that staying engaged with these difficult experiences while approaching life's challenges with an accepting and adaptable mindset can make us more resilient and direct us toward a more meaningful existence.

A crucial part of psychological flexibility is knowing what’s truly important to us, like our values and major life goals. This means that, despite facing hardships, we focus on actions that drive us towards achieving these objectives. In essence, if enduring discomfort assists them in chasing their meaningful goals, psychologically flexible people are usually ready to welcome such uneasy states.

But how does psychological flexibility interact with our experiences beyond war zones? It is also pivotal during widespread crises, such as the COVID-19 pandemic. Dr. Nima Golijani-Moghaddam and Dr. David Dawson from the University of Lincoln aimed to understand emotional coping during such hard times by surveying over 500 UK citizens in May 2020, during a period of stringent nationwide lockdowns.

In the context of overwhelming and continual shifts, fear, and uncertainty brought about by the pandemic, Golijani-Moghaddam and Dawson explored how psychological flexibility might serve as a buffer, or a form of resilience, under these harsh conditions. Although their survey found an expected spike in anxiety levels (27% meeting anxiety disorder criteria, as opposed to the typical 6% in normal circumstances), those individuals with higher psychological flexibility seemed to navigate through with lesser anxiety or depression. They even reported feeling an overall higher sense of wellbeing.

In both scenarios - military veterans and citizens amid a pandemic - psychological flexibility stands out as a key attribute in managing emotional well-being during trying periods. Understanding and potentially cultivating this ability to “roll with the punches” emotionally could perhaps be a tool for all of us in managing future adversities.

In her book, The 5 Practices of Highly Resilient People: Why Some Florish When Others Fold, Neuro-psychologist Taryn Marie Stejskal argues that “challenge fundamentally and forever changes us.” Encountering adversity or trauma permanently changes our brain structures through plasticity. There is nothing to return to; resilience is an active process, not passive. Stejskal argues “While time does lessen the sting of wounds, losses and grief, residence is not about merely waiting passively for time to pass. To effectively face the challenge and harness resilience, you get to show up and be present as an engaged participant;” resilience is about connecting deeply to our internal selves. Stejskal says “Hustle culture has done a number on us, making many of us believe that the recipe for success is a 24.7 all-on work life. . . . Resilience is still being used as a reason for people to ignore their burnout, stress level or exhaustion in favor of ‘pushing through.’ This constant expectation of productivity is detrimental to our health, happiness, and relationships; it is toxic and damaging.”

Numerous other research studies have emphasized the importance of resilience in life. For instance, a research study by K.M. Connor and J.R. Davidson found that resilience is linked to lower levels of anxiety and depression, improved physical health, and higher levels of life satisfaction.

How Can We Develop Greater Resilience?

According to many studies, you can use several tactics to become more resilient. Here are a few examples:

• Adopt a positive view: Positive psychology expert Martin Seligman claims that re-framing issues and adopting a positive outlook can boost resilience. This includes maintaining a positive outlook and focusing constantly on solutions rather than problems.
• Establish a support system: Resilience requires a strong social support system.
• Develop your capacity for problem-solving. This includes the capacity to develop habits, create objectives, make choices, and communicate clearly.
• Practice self-care. Taking good care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs is essential for resilience. Participating in relaxing activities, including exercise and mindfulness, can help with stress management and resilience.
• Improve your flexibility and adaptability. Resilience includes the ability to adjust and be flexible in the face of change. Carol Dweck's growth mindset research highlights the importance of accepting problems and seeing them as opportunities for learning and growth.
• Reframe unfavorable concepts. Resilient people may see positive events realistically, but they do it without blaming others or fixating on unchangeable truths. Adversity shouldn't be viewed as insurmountable; instead, change your perspective and seek constructive adjustments.
• Establish and reaffirm your life’s purpose. Take steps to define, uphold, and strengthen your life's purpose after giving it some thought.
• Help others. To improve your sense of worth and purpose, practice prosocial and altruistic behavior.
• Take a break for yourself. The tension you are presently feeling could get greater if anything bad happens in your life. Your emotions may already be erratic due to hormones and physical changes, but the uncertainty that comes with a tragedy or trauma can make these shifts feel even more pronounced.
• See setbacks and disappointments as opportunities for learning. They can provide messages and clues for you to change your goals, aspirations and behavior.

Mindfulness

?A new study found that mindfulness boosts resilience. Researchers Badri Bajaj and Neerja Pande discovered that mindful people have higher psychological resilience. The researchers also provide evidence that this very beneficial characteristic is why many of the practice's well-lauded benefits exist. The researchers concluded that due to how we perceive and respond to stressors, "Mindful people... can better cope with difficult thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down (emotionally)."

Natalie Kathleen: A Case Study in Resilience

Almost two decades ago, I had the privilege of coaching and mentoring a young woman, Natalie Kathleen, who powerfully demonstrated resilience.

In 2015, Natalie Kathleen launched Jibs, driven by her dual passions for footwear and the pursuit of adventure. This venture culminated in a diverse and vibrant career path that took her from her native Vancouver, Canada, to various corners of the globe. Natalie's journey is marked by an eclectic mix of roles, from a scuba instructor in the Great Barrier Reef and a snowboard instructor in Whistler/Blackcomb, to a real estate agent and a fashion marketing executive at Cosmopolitan in London. It was through these experiences that she founded Sienna Ray & Co. Handbags, a brand that gained international recognition by blending her innate design sensibilities with a keen sense of leadership, thereby creating a brand that resonated across markets due to its emotional appeal.

Natalie's extensive experience in global wholesale, e-commerce, and manufacturing paved the way for her to introduce a traditional Brazilian perforated leather shoe to a global audience. As the founding CEO and Creative Lead of Jibs, she experiences profound joy in her work, attributing much of her success to what she calls the "Power of Hello"—the strength of building meaningful relationships in both her personal and professional life. The signature Jibs shoe is an innovative fusion of a stylish leather loafer and a supremely comfortable sneaker, reflecting Natalie’s ethos of blending high fashion with outdoor adventures. This unique offering has resonated with an enthusiastic and growing audience, who share their experiences through the #jibsjourney hashtag.

Not everything was roses for Natalie. She endured some personal and business setbacks and disappointments along the way. She closed Sienna Ray & Co. and engaged in deep introspection about her personal and business goals. Unperturbed by the setback, she founded Jibs, now on the road to success in a crowded marketplace. Natalie exhibited many of the characteristics of resilience described in this article, notably emotion regulation, connecting with her life purpose, and seeing the setback as an opportunity to learn about business and herself.

I do not doubt that Natalie is not only resilient but has also learned how to be resilient and successfully meet challenges in life, no matter what they are.

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• You can read more about Natalie Kathleen by following these links: https://wearejibs.com/pages/about-us ;
• ? https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/nataliekathleen

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