How to Resign Gracefully

I get it. You fought hard for this moment.

You went through sleepless nights researching and applying. You bared endless rounds of nerve-wracking interviews. You said all kinds of lies to impress recruiters. And you ran around the city, pleading strangers to put faith in your abilities.

So when the offer letter finally lands in your inbox, you’ll naturally have sudden urges to scream loudly or tell your boss to go rot in hell.

That’s what I’d feel liking doing, too. But a word of advice from a seasoned soul: DON'T! 

No matter how awful the company or your boss is, you need to show elegance, empathy, and professionalism while cutting the chord. Conversely, leaving in anger, speaking rudely, or burning bridges forever are not great ideas in any case. Much like creepy exes, messy resignations might come back to haunt your future relationships. 

Here are a few reasons how this can hurt you:

• Firstly, future employers may approach your colleagues or HR through LinkedIn…without your permission. Discreet back-channeling is perfectly legal and practiced regularly. So having a bad rep will crash your credibility.
• Secondly, as incompetent as you say they are, your boss may go on to join the company of your dreams. If you ever apply there in the future, and your leader’s opinion is requested … the race is over before it begins.
• Thirdly, word spreads quickly online. So you don’t want your coworkers spreading dirty rumors about how you made a scene while quitting. Avoid fueling office gossips and guard your reputation closely. Because it affects your network a lot.

If you’ve come to agree with the importance of quitting gracefully, here’s a quick guide on how to do it! We’ll cover 4 main topics ahead:

1. Writing the letter
2. Talking with your manager
3. Setting up references
4. Tips for your last day

STEP 1: Writing the Letter

After signing the offer letter with your new company, and celebrating with some well-deserved pizza, its time to officiate the news with a resignation letter.

Keep the document ready in case your boss makes the demand later at the F2F meeting/video call when you’ll be breaking the news officially to her.

Here’s a format that covers all bases:

1. Subject Line: After mentioning your own personal details in the letterhead & also your addressee (manager, HR), have a clear bold subject line stating the purpose & your position "Resignation Letter for _____ position."
2. Say thanks: Start by showing gratitude for everything the company has taught you. Be specific about the knowledge, skills, and experiences that have made you a better person. For example, I once wrote in my letter a few years ago, "When I first started here, I knew nothing about graphic design. But I’m ever so grateful to you and the team for pushing me to pick up the skill, making me more holistic than just a copywriter. It has helped me grow as a marketer, and I thank you all for your efforts in paying for my courses and giving me the software to practice it for 6 whole months."
3. Make it personal: Don’t show hostility or contempt. Don't bitch, badmouth, or complain about the company. This document will go on record, so you don’t want to include anything that shows tension or negativity. Instead, say you feel like you want to explore more roles for career growth, or spend more time with family, or take a break to go back to school/learning. People will get defensive if you blame the company as the reason behind your resignation. But no one can dispute someone’s personal plans & feelings. So try to be as self-oriented and broad as possible. For example, I wrote, "Having picked up a new perspective, I’d like to further explore what I can do in this field. I personally feel like I need a fresh change."
4. Be specific: Don’t use euphemisms or “maybe’s.” State clearly once again in the body that you’re resigning. And do mention a specific date you have in mind for your last official day. The notice period is generally 4-8 weeks. Check your offer letter for that. For example, I wrote, "Therefore, I’d like to officially resign as the Content Specialist of our company. I would like to suggest my last date as 01 / 01 / 2016 but I am open to the suggestions by HR according to the company's timeline."
5. Offer support: It takes planning and resources to hire a fresh face. So please show empathy for the team, and offer to help as much as you can during the transition. You can offer to on-board the replacement or create a guideline (SOP) with key resources, assets, and links to make the job easier. For example, I wrote, "I’ll be more than happy to assist in onboarding the replacement if any. In fact, I’ve already set up an SOP for our copywriting projects to ease the transition for our team; anyone who reads the guidelines may be able to pick up the tasks."
6. Ask for the next steps: Don’t make assumptions about what’s required. Request for guidance on the next procedures, timeline, and documentation. For example, I wrote, "Once again, I’d like to thank everyone for the chance, and for helping me grow as a person here. Kindly guide me on the next steps for my last date, visa cancellation, acceptance of resignation, and other official procedures."

Once you’ve printed it out, set up a video call/F2F meeting with your boss. Choose a Friday so that all parties get the weekend to cool off & digest the news.

STEP 2: Hard Talk

People have always found this conversation scarier than sitting for interviews. And it's easy to understand why. By now, you’ve probably developed some rapport with your line manager. Even if there’s a strain in the relationship, you’ve gotten used to it by now. Either way, you’re putting an end to a routine. And change is emotionally hard for everyone, not just you. So it’s important to stay calm & show empathy for all.

But what’s equally crucial is standing your ground. You’ve made the decision, and if you don’t fight for it now, it makes you look indecisive, which is a bad label to carry even if you choose to stay on. So the challenge is to balance being polite/grateful & being firm.

As such, here are some guidelines that can help when you're sitting down for the hard talk:

Pointer 1: Cut the crap

In the letter, you can gradually lead to the big reveal. But in human interactions, we hate to be taken in circles. So don’t beat around the bush, and get over with the hard part first. Just rip off the band-aid & say:

“Hey, boss. Thanks for agreeing to meet me. I’m here to tell you about my resignation.” 

Pointer 2: Be grateful & justify with personal reasons

We already covered this pointer in the previous section about writing the letter. Here’s one more example of how I spoke in my own experience; it might give you some idea on what to say:

“…While I’m grateful for all those things, my heart says this is the right time to move, and I’m going to follow through on that instinct. I have my own personal plans to follow, which will require me to make this hard decision, and I’m confident about doing the same.”  

I'd like to reiterate that you should keep the reason for leaving as self-oriented as possible. Do not go on a rant about how you hate your manager or colleagues, or how awful working here feels like. Such negative reasons will only heat up the argument and do you more harm than good.

Save your rants for when you go out to drink with your friends.

Pointer 3: Share a future plan

Flesh out some plans for your notice period (ideally, 1-2 months). Mention the projects you plan to take up and finish before you check out. This assures the manager then you're still very much serious about your job, and that you won't chill off or leave things to fate.

Remember, you’re still a paid employee till your very last day, so you can’t let down your guard just yet. Show pro-active ownership to avoid any nasty accusations of loosening up/slacking off in your last few days.

Pointer 4: Stand your ground

For the lucky few of us who’ve enjoyed a good relationship with the higher-ups, we should expect a few rounds of bargaining. Any company will try its best to retain top talent. This will usually be expressed in the form of a raise, among other perks. Or your boss may ask you to sleep over it, hoping that you’ll come to your senses by Monday.

In such cases, do NOT back off. The more you prolong it, the harder it’ll get. Politely thank them for offering alternative solutions or for some time to think. And then state that you’ve made the decision already. So you’d appreciate their blessing right away, so as to avoid prolonging the discussion unnecessarily.

Pointer 5: Request a recommendation

We tend to stick with the beliefs which we’ve put down on paper. So request your boss to endorse and write you a recommendation on LinkedIn. That way, they’re less likely to turn on you in the future… because doing so will mean contradicting their own public quote.

You can also request an official letter with your company’s masthead from HR. In any case, do not be shy to ask for recognition for doing honest work. There is nothing wrong, unethical, or greedy about this. It is important that you take these tiny steps that will help you build a good portfolio and roster of testimonials over time.

STEP 3: Setting up References

Once you’re through with the formalities, you should turn your focus to ‘fielding.’ Fielding is basically setting up referees to praise you when your future employers call the company for a background check.

Catch hold of two colleagues whom you trust. They should be good talkers who can sell you well so don't pick anyone just because you like them or they like you. Remember, if they can't sweet-talk, it will lead to awkward & short calls with future recruiters who'll be calling them, which will ultimately harm you. So pick & choose carefully.

Once you've made the choice, let them know about your resignation. Then, ask for their permission to use and share email IDs or phone numbers with other recruiters. This helps them to start mentally preparing on what experiences to share, etc. This way, all you have to do ad-hoc (after any interviews) is message them the name of the recruiter who’ll be getting in touch. By letting them know about your plan of hunting for jobs in advance, it saves you some briefing time later, that’s all.

STEP 4: Saying Goodbye

So your last day is here. And its time to walk out. Make sure you do so with a bright smile on your face. Shake hands with your colleagues, dust off any grudges, and leave on a good note with everybody.

See, your role here may have ended, but your journey is only starting. So having goodwill is crucial for your career, and we saw the reasons in the intro of this article itself.

CONCLUSION: This is completely normal

Above all, remember that resigning is just as cool as getting hired. Your future job won't be your last job either, and you'll probably be making 10-12 exits over your career. People come and go; this is a completely normal part of the corporate world.

So don't be afraid or ashamed to exit when you know it's time. You're making the right decision. Trust yourself, and everything will be fine.

In fact, once you're done, you'll feel like a big weight has been lifted off your chest. And that feeling is worth all the trouble. So go ahead! Your next adventure is waiting!