How to replenish yourself

“I have nothing left.”

It’s a sentiment that’s been in our shared consciousness for a long time, and recently, I’ve started to hear folks actually name it.?

Maybe you have, too. World events can take their toll, and many of us find ourselves with very little energy, resources, or spirit.?

When the pandemic happened, we saw a sudden shift in pace and orientation that revealed much of what is outdated and imbalanced in our lives and in the world.?

Though the effects of the virus are mostly fading into the rearview mirror, much of what began in the pandemic has snowballed.?

Generations-old wounds open as we deal with individual and collective shadow.?

Polarization widens as we each grasp desperately at what we’ve always thought we’d known was true. More wars, strife, and irreconcilable differences break out between countries and people. Greed is even more transparently evident. Rights are being taken away.?

We wear our pain on the surface of our skin. Flecks of solid ground fly off into space, no longer held by gravity. We feel this loss. We feel it as trauma, as exhaustion, as bafflement.?

We run desperately around to piece it back together, to keep ourselves and our loved ones alive and cared for. It is not sustainable. We are running low on resources, outer and inner. For many, the tank is empty. There is nothing left.?

How to replenish??

In Integral Coaching one way we have of viewing human beings is through the Three Centers of Intelligence: mind, heart, and body.?

Some of why many of us are so drained is that, at the moment, all three are being taxed, if not besieged. How might we tend to each to begin to replenish? By way of invitation, let’s start with this poem by David Whyte.?

Start Close In

Start close in, don’t take the second step or the third, start with the first thing close in, the step you don’t want to take.?

Start with the ground you know, the pale ground beneath your feet, your own way of starting the conversation.?

Start with your own question, give up on other people’s questions, don’t let them smother something simple.?

To find another’s voice, Follow your own voice, wait until that voice becomes a private ear listening to another.?

Start right now take a small step you can call your own don’t follow someone else’s heroics, be humble and focused, start close in, don’t mistake that other for your own.?

Start close in, don’t take the second step or the third, start with the first thing close in, the step you don’t want to take.?

—David Whyte

Mind

A significant stressor on many minds these days is a longing for things to be back when things were ‘normal.’

The challenge here, of course, is to accept that nothing will be how it was, and there was never any ‘normal’ to return to—in fact, there never was. Anyone who has experienced significant loss will tell you this.?

Pouring all our effort into reviving dead or dying systems so we can rely on them again is futile. Instead, what if we focus on what is calling to be built anew??

Start close in: Look just at your own life and ask yourself:

• What beliefs, assumptions, and habits are automatic from a time that has no relevance here and now and that is simply draining your energy??
• What newness, what possibility exists behind and beneath all of that???

Practices like meditation, journaling, and focused movement can help greatly to bring our awareness back to what life is asking of us right now.?

Keeping our attention on news and social media will not help.?

This is by no means a novel idea, yet it persists in hijacking the collective mind. It’s where anxiety is seeded and proliferates.?

Limiting the attention we give these spaces is a loving act for our mind, the center of intelligence that works so hard to carry out the will and wisdom of our hearts and bodies.?

Can you hold this as an act of replenishment, of genuine self-care for your precious, depleted mind??

Heart

Early in my Integral Coach training I was warned about something called ‘compassion fatigue.’?

The idea is that when we are so present with someone, we can become overloaded with their struggles. Our hearts grow heavy with a range of emotions—our own and theirs.?

Similarly, right now and maybe forever in our world, there will be too much for us to feel. This feels strange to say, but it’s undeniable.?

Looking around, it’s easy for our hearts to be overwhelmed by grief, concern, love, fear, and a thousand other emotions.?

Many of us are nearing or past our limit. We have nothing left. Go-to responses are too numb—and no one can be blamed for doing that occasionally—or to spend time away from others to avoid having their emotions augment our own.?

Interestingly, though, the heart is most readily re-filled in the company of others.?

Replenishment comes through coregulation—by being seen, held, and mirrored.?

By looking into faces and feeling touch. By letting ourselves dissolve a bit into the care that surrounds us, making it safe to feel what we’re actually feeling, allowing the emotions to move all the way through.?

We can replenish our hearts without making it a monumental affair—unless you’re an extrovert who loves being around lots of people.

Start close in: Perhaps with a short visit with family or a close friend or two.?

• Try to make eye contact or exchange greetings with passersby.?
• Volunteer or perhaps simply ensure you’re being kind to strangers.?
• Spending time with living things, including animals, plants, trees, and things in nature. This fosters the kind of connection that can fill our hearts.?

Know this: The simple, open-ended question of “How are you doing?” can free a person in unimaginable ways.?

A recent article by New Ventures West faculty member Cynthia Luna powerfully invites us to connect with one another with sincerity and compassion, even just for a few moments.?

Body

With so much occupying our minds and hearts, our bodies tend to get left behind. Sure, it could be that we feel physically depleted because we’re overspending our energy by running between commitments, after children, or in the opposite direction of our pain.?

But even in all the running, it is actually the lack of attention to our bodies that runs us down, makes us sick.?

Exercise for the sake of exercising may not be a loving act toward our bodies, especially if what we need is rest.?

Hunching for hours in front of a screen filling up on information, or trying to be productive, or trying to forget, is neglectful. And so forth.?

What’s needed to replenish our bodies, then, is not an elaborate spa day, or more exercise, or the right supplements. I

Start close in: How? By simply focusing your attention.?

Do a body scan. Close your eyes, breathe deeply; beginning with the soles of your feet, move your awareness slowly up, giving full attention to every inch of your physical form, inside and out. Say hello to organs, to ligaments, to the bumps on your skin. Notice what is tight, or numb, or warm, or in some other way asking for you to linger just a moment longer and reconnect with it.?

If you can do this once a day, you’ll start to connect to your body’s wisdom to tell you what it needs, what is true, and the right action to take.?

When we are in alignment with our physical being, that unity and integration goes a long way toward replenishment.?

Exercise

Get comfortable, and close your eyes. Now imagine three fuel gauges on the front of your body: one between your eyes, one in the center of your chest, and one just below your belly button.?

Take your time; check out each one.?

Notice if the needle is leaning more toward Empty or Full.? How far? Let your mind, body, and heart show you. Don’t catalog all the reasons why any of them might be a certain way. Just watch as the gauges move and settle where they are right now. Once you have a sense, whichever is closest to empty, start there.?

Start close in.? Journal or draw for 10 minutes in response to the following questions:?

• Where is there the greatest need in me?
• What is behind that need? Perhaps it’s an emotion you don’t want to feel, a delayed conversation, a feeling of missing someone, a longing you can’t quite name. It’s absolutely fine if you can’t contact any of this. Just stay with the need.
• What is one thing I can do (or not do) today to nudge the needle just a millimeter closer to full?
• What might get in the way of my doing this?
• Who can support me?

Replenish yourself so you may replenish others

Your path to healing through Integral Coaching's Three Centers of Intelligence—mind, heart, and body—is something you can start small and take graduate steps to achieve.?

The mind: Let go of past 'normalcy' and focus on new beginnings with practices like meditation and mindfulness.?

The heart: One must avoid 'compassion fatigue' and seek the rejuvenating power of human connection through simple gestures and nature.?

The body: Learn the importance of genuine bodily connection beyond mere exercise, advocating for practices like daily body scans and integrating our physical selves.?

Much like why flight attendants ask that you put your oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others, you’ll not be at your best to serve others if you don’t sometimes serve yourself first.?

Focus on yourself, your immediate surroundings, and your inner self, and take deliberate steps towards holistic replenishment and self-care.?

Replenish yourself, and you’ll be of boundless service to others and the world around you.?

Article by Joy Reichart, Integral Coach and former Communications Director at New Ventures West.

Further Reading

On Being Unstoppable

Needing to be Needed

Freedom: Do You Want It?

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