“How to remove the mental block causing troubled relationship with your Boss”

‘Both of you are brilliant performers’ mentioned Terry to Ram and Johnson sitting in his room having a chat. ‘I am very pleased that you both have been clocking clinical performances year on year. I must however tell you Ram that I will not be able to promote you. We only have one position this year and that belongs to Johnson said Terry anxiously looking at the reaction of Ram. He didn’t want to lose Ram. Ram was devastated. He had worked so hard but when it came to the last mile, he faltered. He didn’t know what to say.

After he gathered his emotions, he asked Terry as to what should he do to get promoted next year? ‘Keep working hard and you will get there’, said Terry. He walked out of the room. From his heart of heart he knew that Terry liked Johnson. He was his favorite. Though Ram was good, he never could build a relationship with Terry. Have we not seen some many “Rams” in our lives who are brilliant in what they do but do not have a conducive relationship with their bosses?  Sometimes it can get worse. Even after doing everything right, the boss doesn’t simply like you; fault lines are picked where none exist. Life can be hell.

So if you and your boss don’t go along well then you are not going to go very far in the company even though you love what you do and are well paid. 

Actually the problem lies in thinking that your work will speak for itself and you will get the return you think you deserve. The point is that if your work it’s not packaged with peripherals which I talk about below, the return for your hard work could be delayed or even denied completely

1.      Always be very prompt to return the call or the email of your boss ;

2.      Never challenge your boss in open even if you don’t agree with his/her thoughts;

3.      Don’t get upset if your boss doesn’t understand what you are saying despite you trying very hard – You can never let your emotion come on your face even when you are really upset;

4.      In case your Boss gives an opportunity to work on critical project to someone else in your place, talk to him about what could you do to get the next opportunity without any emotions;

5.      Always take feedback from your boss and in fact regular feedback about how you are doing and keep working on it if you can. If your boss demands sky from you, you know what do; politely say no;

6.      Always thank your boss for the opportunity provided to you and always look forward to another one;

7.      Always wish your boss on important days in a year and appreciate him;

8.      Always remain cheerful and willing when meeting with your boss;

9.      If your boss shouts at you for something gone wrong; apologize and work to do damage control;

10.  Always ask questions from your boss if you have not understood the work being given to you. Obviously don’t come out of the room after asking all the questions and then going back to him again with the same questions again. Though you can reconfirm a point again. It doesn’t reflect professionalism;

11.  Keep your boss posted always as to how the critical projects are evolving.

12.  Don’t bug your boss with smaller details

13.  Don’t overblow your trumpet with your boss about how brilliant you are and how much an impact you created

14.  Always try to offer a shoulder to take on more responsibilities from your boss;

15.  And never commit the mistake of taking names of peers/competitors before your boss about how much better you are as compared with them. You may be better but it’s better not to speak.

Well you must be thinking why can’t you just do your work and if you do that well and that should matter. So what, if you didn’t keep your boss informed, so what if you didn’t return his calls on time; so what if you challenged him openly though respectfully; so what if you let your emotions come on your face when trying hard to convince your boss for two hours and he still doesn’t get it.

Well, if you think it is really very tough for you to do what I have listed above, try to look around and see how sales people conduct themselves trying to sell a product or service to a customer. Similarly if your job is customer facing, you would know that what I have listed above is “a must do list” if you want to have a happy customer and that he gives you a repeat order. If sales or client facing people don’t do these things they don’t stand a chance of winning a customer or retaining their customer. Now let’s read the same thing again now with the word customer and see if that resonates differently. Don’t glance it. Lets read it line by line. 

1.      Always be very prompt to return the call or email of your customer ;

2.      Never challenge your customer in open even if you don’t agree with his/her thoughts;

3.      Don’t get upset if your customer doesn’t understand what you are saying despite you trying very hard – You can never let your  emotion come on your face even when you are really upset;

4.      In case your customer gives an opportunity to work on critical project to someone else in your place, talk to him about what could you do to get the next opportunity without any emotions;

5.      Always take feedback from your customer and in fact regular feedback about how you are doing and keep working on it if you can. If your customer demands sky from you, you know what do; politely say no;

6.      Always thank your customer for the opportunity provided to you and always look forward to another one;

7.      Always wish your customer on important days in a year and appreciate him;

8.      Always remain cheerful and willing when meeting with your customer;

9.      If your customer shouts at you for something gone wrong; apologize and work to do damage control;

10.  Always ask questions from your customer if you have not understood the work being given to you. Obviously don’t come out of the room after asking all the questions and then going back to him again with the same questions again. Though you can reconfirm a point again. It doesn’t reflect professionalism;

11.  Keep your customer posted always as to how the critical projects are evolving;

12.  Don’t bug your customer with smaller details;

13.  Don’t overblow your trumpet with your customer about how brilliant you are and how much an impact you created;

14.  Always try to offer a shoulder to take on more responsibilities from your customer;

15.  And never commit the mistake of taking names of peers/competitors before your customer about how much better you are as compared with them. You may be better but it’s better not to speak.

Makes sense now or at least it sounds natural for anyone to succeed as a sales person or someone who has a customer facing job.

Now the question is why does one kind of behaviour which sounds so natural when dealing with customer sounds like a trick of appeasing when it comes to dealing with your boss.  What’s the reason?

In my opinion, it’s a condition of our mind. We think we are dealing with a boss and with that title comes natural interpretations. Among others boss is someone who has the authority to control you. We believe that we work for the company and our boss is someone who supervises our work and exercises control over us. We as independent human beings have always hated to be supervised and hence the mental block. We visualize our bosses as someone who commands and controls us and it is this kind of mind set which makes us resist or desist in our actions towards our boss

The reality however is that your boss is your real customer. He is the one who gives you the job i.e. hires you and then keeps you engaged and then obviously supervises you. He is the one who first enjoys the fruits of your hard work and like a satisfied customer speaks highly of you before others and gives you more work and higher quality work year on year and you grow. He is the only one who matters in your success and failure assuming all other boxes are ticked.

So if you can condition your mind to see your boss as your main customer, the symphony begin to emerge. Your blocks will vanish. The relationship with your boss will improve significantly. It will be you who will be in the driver’s seat of the relationship at least on softer aspects.  Guess what you will see wishing your boss “Good morning” not as a sign of appeasement but an investment for your future. And guess what it will no longer hurt your ego even if he doesn’t respond. After all he is your customer!!!

Hope you like this article. Please do post your thoughts on how have you gone about developing a brilliant relationship or have overcome a troubled relationships at work