How to Release Self-Judgment and Embrace Self-Love
An Introduction to Self Love
In a society driven by the need to receive external validation via social media engagement, it is easy for people to become trapped in cycles of self-judgment and negative self-talk. This inner critic, which is one’s egotistical self, often dictates how they should look, act, and behave that they might receive the approval of others. The root of this behavior is the deep-seated belief that one is not enough and must seek others’ approval.
To overcome a life of self-judgment, you must make a conscious effort to rewire your mind through cognitive restructuring. This will allow space for self-respect and self-love to flourish, so that you will not live shackled to the judgments of your egotistical self.
Understanding the Root of Self-Judgment
From the moment of your birth, you learned to trust those entrusted with your care. Your caretakers shaped your understanding of the world, and formed the foundation of your beliefs. You accepted their words and actions as truth. But some caretakers, whether through intent or not, caused harm to those in their care, which became the subconscious narrative by which that child lived.
In the same way a person may mentally replay a car accident, emotional trauma stored in a person’s nervous system may cause them to subconsciously replay negative events or words from their past. This can lead to one’s inner critic speaking self-judgment over them, which reinforced the belief they are unworthy of love and acceptance.
Throughout a child’s life, if they do not learn the tools of cognitive restructuring, it will lead to adverse affects on their self-esteem. Their self-judgment will lead to an erosion of their self-esteem, which will distort their perception of reality and cause them to find it difficult to function in society.
Unfortunately, societal expectations can cause children who experience trauma at an early age to succumb to pressure to conform to ideals of perfectionism. They will often crave the approval of authority figures and people within their peer group because their egotistical selves feels inadequate without it.
If they do not receive the approval they did not receive from their parents or caretakers, it will fuel their inner-critic and lead to more self-judgment. To understand the source of one’s self-judgment, so that one can move toward self-love, it is important to understand the root cause of their inner critic.
Recognizing & Releasing Self-Judgment Patterns
Once you becomes self-aware, you will begin to recognize your patterns of self-judgment and can begin to take steps toward self-love. The more you become conscious of your negative beliefs about yourself, the more you can dismantle the power of your inner-critic within you.
To release self-judgment, it is important to practice self-compassion, mindfulness, and cognitive restructuring with consistency. These practices will help you to rewire your mind by giving you the mental tools to replace the negative self-talk of your inner critic with self-acceptance and self-love.
Mindfulness and Awareness Practices
To become aware of your judgmental self, it is important to practice mindfulness through such practices as sitting in silence and observing your thoughts without judgment. The more yourself to observe your thoughts, the more you will identify your negative self-talk.
Another powerful mindfulness practice that will help you to identify any negative self-talk is journaling. Writing down your thoughts, dreams and feelings will help you to make the unconscious conscious helping you to identify any self-judgment patterns.
Mindfulness practices to release self-judgment:
Along with mindfulness practices, it is also important to practice self-compassion. The more aware you become of your inner critic, the more you will want to practice kindness toward yourself. It is important to counter your negative self talk by saying self-affirming statements.
For instance, when I make a mistake, rather than judging myself, I say, “I accept my mistakes. I forgive myself. And I move forward with love.”
Another valuable strategy that will help your to recognize and change negative thought patters is cognitive restructuring. The next time you think something negative about yourself question the validity of your thought by searching for evidence that contradicts your negative beliefs.
Doing this will make it easier for you to silence your inner critic and reframe your thinking, so you can move toward a place of self-acceptance. And the more you accept yourself rather than seeking the approval of others, the more you will move toward a place of self-love.
Along with these techniques to support you in your emotional health journey, you may want to consider therapy, coaching, or joining a support group. Surrounding yourself with people who will accept and love you without judgment, guide you toward emotional health, and hold you accountable with grace can reinforce positive changes in your life.
Cognitive Restructuring and Reframing
As you practice mindfulness, you will become aware of negative thoughts. Cognitive restructuring is a way to challenge the lies of your inner critic by reframing those lies. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” challenge that lie by asking yourself, “What evidence do I have to support this thought? Is there any evidence that contradicts it?”
Once you’ve identified the root of your negative thoughts, you can replace them with positive affirmations. Apps like Innertune offer thousands of affirmations that can be customized to address specific areas of your life. Listening to affirmations during your morning meditation or as you fall asleep can reinforce positive thinking.
Letting Go of Perfectionism & Cultivating Self-Love
By letting go of your need to do or say the right thing to receive the approval of other people, you will let go of self-judgment. Your need to always meet the unattainable standards of others, which are most likely not their standards but just your perception of their standards, fuels your inner critic.
Instead of allowing your perceptions of other people’s judgments to become your standard, understand that your imperfections do not diminish your worth. By freeing yourself from the judgments of others, or your perception of their judgments, you will create space for yourself to practice self-compassion and self-love.
As you release self-judgment, you will find it easier to cultivate self-acceptance and self-love. Treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you would treat another person with will help you to feel secure in your own self-worth, rather than relying on the approval of others’.
Self-love practices:
The Never-ending Quest to Release Self-Judgment
Releasing self-judgment and embracing self-love is an ongoing journey that requires patience, practice, and perseverance. By recognizing and challenging your inner critic, practicing mindfulness and cognitive restructuring, and engaging in activities that nurture self-compassion, you can begin to transform your relationship with yourself.
Remember that self-love is not about trying to become perfect or pleasing other people, rather it is about embracing your imperfections with kindness and compassion. As you continue on this path toward self-care, you’ll discover a deeper sense of inner peace, self-acceptance, and emotional healing.
About me:
One summer morning, at the age of 7, my mother rushed me to the nearby emergency room thinking I suffered from a heatstroke. After running various test, during which I fell into a coma, the San Diego Children's Hospital (Now Rady's Children's Hospital) sent an ambulance with a medical team to the Scripps Clinic in Encinitas.
At the San Diego Children's Hospital, my Neuro-surgeon diagnosed me with a brain aneurysm and told my mother he needed to perform emergency brain surgery. After laying in a coma for a month and beating the 10% odds of surviving my brain surgery, I opened my eyes for the first time.
When I returned to school, a new battle for my life began. The childhood bullying became so immense that I became suicidal at just 10 yrs of age. I did my best to cope with the bullying by trying to fit in with the cool kids, which led to me becoming ashamed of my past head trauma.
Though, it wasn't until many years later, after the bullying stopped, that I realized I had formed a shame identity. That's when I did the deep work to let go of the shame that had caused so much emotional trauma in me throughout my adult life.
Now, I want to help other people, especially those who have overcome any type of trauma, to let go of their shame, so they can become their authentic selves and live their best lives.
For more about me and Think Outside The Vein - a movement dedicated to helping trauma survivors release low-energy emotions, so they can live their best lives, please join the TOTV Facebook group.
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