How to Relax and Sleep in the Modern World

We’re so tired AND wired. I see lots of people who can’t find relaxation day or night.

Going to sleep at night is a natural part of being in an animal body, but we’re becoming so disconnected from our inner rhythms that many of us are turning sleep into a task, the next thing to do, something to get right, or even something to dread.

How to sleep naturally again.

Everyone knows this, but it’s worth repeating because our addiction is strong: Don’t use electronic devices in bed or immediately before bed.

It’s not just the blue light, it’s the flicking of the eyes and engaging the brain and emotions instead of disengaging from the world and unwinding. 

Even if you were really tired before you opened the device, the agitation it creates brings a false energy, making it hard to then switch off and sleep. Your brain and physiology are reacting as though there is something real happening that requires you to be “on”. There isn’t.

Unless there’s a really good reason for being up late, most nights we “should” have our eyes closed before 11pm, otherwise we can get a second wind and be stuck awake.

As you’re preparing for bed, begin to look forward to resting mind and body. Mentally check if there’s anything bugging you that is going to float up as soon as you lie down. If so, spend some time processing what it is that happened or planning the next day before you try to close your eyes.

Make a decision – “When I close my eyes I’m done. I’m not going there, my sleep is first.” In linking these actions, resolve to prioritize sleep. This way, when you do close your eyes it’s a signal that you’re ready to sleep. Putting on an eye mask makes this more palpable. It’s like saying, OK, I’m done with the day. Draw a line. You can’t make it your job to go to sleep, but it is your responsibility to deliberately decide to stop engaging your thoughts with the past and future.

Just be a body. Having decided it’s time to power down, switch your platform of attention from being a bunch of thoughts and emotions in a head to being a whole body lying in a bed.

One of the best methods of doing so is to check in with different body parts and how they feel. Make sure your feet are at a comfortably warm temperature and the upper half of your body is not too warm.

Tighten your whole body, including clenching your teeth and squeezing your eyes shut, then let go all at once.

Stretch your arms up and your feet right down. Yawn on purpose; open your mouth as wide as you can and let yourself make yawning noises.

Stretch the back of your chest by moving your shoulders forward, and then stretch the front of your chest by pulling the shoulders right back.

Wiggle and stretch all fingers and toes, and yawn again.

Snuggle into the bed while feeling your whole body lie there: your weight upon the mattress, the fabric of the sheets touching you, the weight of the covers. Put all of your attention into just feeling those sensations. Let that be pleasant, not a task.

Let your mouth go loose like a sleeping baby’s.

Your mind should be fairly quiet at this stage.

Put all of your attention in your feet. Just feel them. Wriggle your toes a little if it helps you focus.

If the mind chatter starts up again – just say “I’m not going there” (out loud if alone) and drop back to feeling your feet.

Keep doing that every time the mind winds up. That’s your “job”. Your job isn’t to go to sleep, it’s to keep switching your focus back to feeling your feet.

If your mind is really jumpy, cranking endless thoughts, hum into your brain for a minute. This will quieten it significantly. Go back to just feeling your feet.

Keep doing that every time the mind winds up. That’s your “job”. Your job isn’t to go to sleep. Your job is to keep switching your focus from chatter to feeling your feet and being in your body.

If your mind is really jumpy and cranking out endless thoughts, hum into your brain for a full minute. This will quieten it significantly. Go back to just feeling your feet.

If your mind is going berserk, say BLAH BLAH BLAH... silently, as fast as you can, and at the same time, see BLAH in white letters flashing on and off in the middle of your head. Do this until you can’t keep going. At that point you’ll spontaneously take a deep breath and it will be quiet for a while. Go back to feeling your feet.

If you keep shifting your attention from thinking to feeling the natural wave of sleep will come.

If there’s a particular event, thought, fear, fight that sticks in your mind and recycles day after day, night after night, then you need to do some work to resolve it. There’s a self-healing process called TAT (www.tatlife.com), that can resolve it quickly and gently.

For the insomniac, a good hypnotherapist is worth their weight in gold. If you are someone who often gets stuck in mental agitation, then being taken into trance will be enormously helpful. It takes you right down under the superficial layer of the chattering mind into the natural deep peace and stillness beneath. It will feel as though the inner agitation finally has a place to land and you can relax. 

Often after a hypnosis session people will say they have had their best sleep in years.

Wishing you many nights of deep nourishing sleep.