To Err is Human; It's How You Apologize that Matters.
With the increasing pace of business comes a greater risk of human missteps. It could be a poor decision, a simple oversight, or a strategy with unintended consequences. You'll likely have to address mistakes if you're in business. A simple apology seems easy enough, but you don't have to venture far to spot some glaring examples of poor apologies and their aftermath. Let's look at what can go wrong when you attempt to make amends, what makes an apology ring true, and when to be unapologetic. Yes, there's a right time not to apologize!?
Apologies that Backfired.
After an embarrassing situation, you may be tempted to remedy things as quickly as possible. Then again, stepping back and taking a deep breath might be prudent. Consider these examples:?
- BP:?After the 2010 Deepwater Horizon oil spill, which killed 11 people and caused massive environmental damage, BP CEO Tony Hayward apologized for the disaster but said, "I'd like my life back." This comment showed a lack of empathy and respect for the victims and the public, making him seem selfish and insensitive.
- United Airlines:?When a passenger was violently dragged off a plane in 2017 after refusing to give up his seat for an airline employee, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz apologized for the incident but described it as "re-accommodation." This word minimized the severity of what happened and failed to acknowledge the passenger's harm and humiliation.
- Equifax:?When a massive data breach in 2017 exposed the personal information of millions of customers, Equifax CEO Richard Smith apologized for the incident but offered a free credit monitoring service that required customers to waive their right to sue the company. This offer showed a lack of sincerity and accountability and exploited the customers' vulnerability.
- Starbucks:?When two black men were arrested at a Philadelphia Starbucks in 2018 for waiting for a friend without ordering anything, Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson apologized for the incident but also said: "Our store manager never intended for these men to be arrested." This statement shifted the blame from the company to the individual manager and implied that the manager's intentions mattered more than the outcome.
- Peloton:?When a controversial ad in 2019 showed a woman receiving a Peloton bike from her husband and documenting her fitness journey over a year, Peloton CEO John Foley apologized for the ad but also said: "We constantly hear from our members how their lives have been meaningfully and positively impacted after purchasing or being gifted a Peloton Bike or Tread." This statement defended the company's product and message and suggested the critics were wrong or misguided.
People have Apology Expectations.
The primary measure of a successful apology is how people feel after hearing it. Apologizing is the time to turn off your ego and tune into your heart; a sincere apology leaves people feeling validated, respected, and understood, even if their pain cannot be entirely erased.
For an apology to ring true, you must acknowledge the other parties' feelings, take ownership of the specific event you regret, and call out the impact of your action with empathy. There is also an expectation of making amends or solving the problem. Consider a way to demonstrate changes or improvements that will prevent the problem from reoccurring. You might offer a refund or additional products or services as an act of goodwill. The key is that you are moving forward differently, not sweeping the situation under the rug.
How to Apologize.
While there is no right way to apologize in any given scenario, some key elements make an apology effective and sincere. Here are some tips on how to apologize as a company.?
- Investigate the damage until you know the worst of It. You'll want to understand what people are feeling and why. Listen first so you don't diminish or gloss over the mistake's impact. For example, a late delivery may seem like an insignificant first-world inconvenience. But it might be more than you imagined if it was for someone's big event. If you are still determining the scope, assume the worst.
- You can begin by meeting the customer where they are; acknowledge their pain in human terms.?Empathizing with the other person's feelings helps them feel validated, heard, and respected. For example, instead of saying, "We're sorry for any trouble," say, "We're sorry for causing you frustration and wasting your time."
- Say we're sorry.?These are powerful words, so be careful not to dilute them with qualifiers like 'but,' 'if,' or maybe, or with a justification like "the weather, or any other circumstance, was beyond our control." Also, remember that "We're sorry you feel that way" is not an apology. Instead, take ownership, "We're sorry we caused you frustration."??
- Could you offer a solution to make amends??Taking corrective action demonstrates your commitment to improving the situation and relationship. For example, instead of saying, "We're sorry for our mistake," say, "We're sorry for our mistake, and we have issued a full refund to your account." Of course, be sure you can deliver on whatever offer you make!
- Please keep it simple and sincere.?A good apology doesn't need to be long or complicated. It just needs to be honest and heartfelt. Avoid using excuses, blame, or criticism that may undermine your apology or hurt the people who were hurt more. For example, instead of saying, "We're sorry for our error, but it was due to circumstances beyond our control," say, "We're sorry for our error. We take full responsibility for it and are working internally to improve."
When to be Unapologetic.
Knowing when to apologize is as essential as knowing how to apologize. Generally speaking, if you suspect something your company did - on purpose or by accident - caused someone else's hard feelings, it's a good idea to apologize and clear the air. If what you did would have bothered you if it was done to you, an apology is in order.
However, in some situations, apologizing may not be appropriate or necessary. For example, you don't need to apologize for:
- Having a different opinion or preference
- Saying no or setting boundaries
- Expressing your values or mission
- Asking for help or clarification
- Being yourself or having a unique identity
Apologizing for these things may undermine your company's credibility and confidence. It may also convey that you are not worthy of respect or acceptance.
Apologies can Rebuild Trust.
While mistakes are usually associated with weaknesses, recognizing errors and missteps is a sign of strength and courage. Apologizing shows that you care about your company and the people affected by your mistake and want to grow and improve as a company. When mistakes happen, apologies can be an opportunity for a reset to clarify values and what you stand for. It's the tough times that demonstrate character. How you own up to things, stand accountable for your actions, and communicate goes a long way toward establishing trust, the ultimate glue in long-term, sustainable business relationships.
