How to Recover When Challenging People Knock You Off Your Game

During my career, I've encountered individuals who have purposely set out to undermine my work. Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon experience. These situations were at the very least disappointing — and the worst of them — disturbing. No one relishes the thought of a client, colleague or supervisor whose mere mention becomes synonymous with stress. To make matters worse, these situations can occur unexpectedly, even when you are striving to deliver great work.

Challenging people and the situations they create, are simply a work life fact. Inevitably, you will encounter these individuals along the way.

When you’ve landed in a spot with someone who just isn’t playing fair — it can feel like a tidal wave of emotions. Whether they have a career agenda, are covering up their own weaknesses or are simply mean-spirited, the experience can leave us feeling off balance. Their actions can be subtle or quite obvious, leaving us feeling "off center" and not quite like ourselves. Emotions can run high. (This is completely normal.)

Most of us, will immediately formulate a counter-attack or argument. However, we might realize that the opportunity for this play out in real time is often dependent upon the existing power dynamic. In some cases, we simply have to process the situation and move through it. Difficult clients must be assuaged and the work must be delivered.

Often we have to salvage what remains and move forward.

This can become emotionally costly.

If you the situation doesn't afford the opportunity to respond or directly defend yourself — you can be left with disturbing after-effects. (If it does allow a quick resolution, do so.) Ultimately, encountering toxic people can affect our ability to thrive in the workplace.

This is a real and present danger.

So, we must address the situation quickly.

Here is a bit of advice:

• Create a psychological buffer zone. The first thing to protect is your work life well-being, so the situation does not begin to define you. This may require applying mindfulness techniques to observe the situation from a safer psychological distance and looking at the situation differently. Most of us have a powerful response to extreme negative feedback — so ensure that your feelings of worth are not hijacked or destroyed. Think of things this way: What if the situation happened to a friend or co-worker? What advice would you offer them?
• Seek support. Touch base with a trusted colleague or supervisor to share your experiences, gain perspective, discuss a plan or intervene on your behalf. Knowing that you have support, will help your deter doubts from taking a permanent foothold.
• Learn from the experience. A post-mortem review might be challenging — especially when you feel you are not at fault. However, reviewing the entire story to identify where things may have gone off the rails (and to revise future strategy) is warranted. Sometimes a recurrence can be prevented.
• Exit the battlefield. If your work has been criticized and you feel your reputation may be at stake, attempt to exit the dynamic entirely. Request another colleague to cover the client or complete unfinished project work. Sometimes, more exposure only breeds more trouble.
• Focus on resilience-building. Learning strategies that help us bounce back are critical. Protecting our psychological resources should be an ever-present concern. Situations where we feel misunderstood or attacked can have long-standing effects.
• Give things time. The surprise of the initial shock will fade. However, how you process the experience will matter longer-term. Know that even after with resolution, you may feel unsettled. You will change as a contributor — but hopefully you will also emerge wiser, stronger and better prepared. Remember that even if these individuals thrive (gain promotions, etc.), you can also thrive.

How have you dealt with unreasonable individuals in your work life? Share your strategies here.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial & Organizational Psychologist. A charter member of the LinkedIn Influencer Program, her posts on workplace topics have appeared at The Huffington Post, US News & World Report and The World Economic Forum