How to recover from burnout: My experience and learnings

I don’t think I’d ever used the word burnout before last year. It crept into my vocabulary just like the burnout had quietly crept up on me. I had been exhausted for a long time before I was able to label what I was going through. I kept brushing it aside, until I woke up one day and just snapped. I put in my papers and decided to take some time out to reset.?

I’ve had a full-time job (as a content marketer) and a side-hustle (drawing comics) for well over a decade now. I’ve always been energetic and enthusiastic, and generally happy-go-lucky. As a staunch believer in “Do what you love”,? I’ve valued having the freedom to experiment, and have built a life around my hobbies and passions. I’ve had a rich and unusual career path.??

All along, I knew I had a tendency to overcommit but I also knew that I was capable of delivering, and I took pride in it. However, as it might seem obvious, this pattern was unsustainable. I worked harder and harder to meet my own expectations. And of course, this led to an acute depletion of resources. I woke up one day feeling completely empty and discharged.

Here are the burnout symptoms I experienced:?

Burnout symptoms

• Feeling overwhelmed: I was constantly overwhelmed at work and at home. I broke into tears at the first sign of the slightest conflict. It was really alarming for me (and my long-suffering partner)!?
• Feeling anxious to do more: My way to cope with stress was to throw myself into even more work relentlessly. NOT recommended!?
• Unable to create distance: When I first started speaking about burnout, a lot of the advice given to me was to take a break, rearrange my schedule, do yoga, etc. However, I found that those things treated my symptoms but not the underlying cause.?I struggled to create distance between myself and everything external to me.

With the help of a therapist, I started to disentangle what was wrong. While the triggers and experiences for each person may differ, I’d like to share my learnings, in case it helps someone else navigate a similar situation.??

Burnout recovery tips: Self-care and boundaries

1. Just because you’re good at coming up with solutions doesn’t mean you can (or should) fix everything?

I think this was my biggest learning. When someone came to me for help, I was eager to help and “fix” the problem. I was guilty about saying no. So I kept adding more things that I could fix to my list. I added more and more hours to my days, with little regard for how much it was eating into my emotional health.???

At some point I simply couldn’t function without my to-do list. This was a whole change in my personality. I’d never been someone particularly nit-picky or obsessive or meticulous: I had always been more of a “gut feeling” person. I was turning into someone I didn’t recognize!?

Slowly, I started to rewire my brain and my tasklist. I placed “Do everything you love” on top of the list. I made sure I didn't have more than 3 items on my list at any given time.?

Instead of creating time to do things that had to be done, I started to create time to do things that I didn’t have to do (but wanted to).?

This was exactly what we all do as kids: homework is usually unavoidable and non-negotiable, but playtime is where you can score.??

2. Doing more is not a way to find satisfaction??

In my previous job my colleague once told me, “You’re doing the work of two people anyway.” In that specific context, it was meant to be a compliment but it was a wake up call. Wait a minute, why was I doing the job of two people? Those words echoed in my brain over and over, and I started to see myself as others perceived me. I didn’t want to do the job of two people. Nobody had asked me to. It was my own doing.?

If you do 150% for a task that requires 100% you put yourself in a lot of danger. You create a lot of dependency. Your 150% becomes the accepted 100% for others. You're setting a new and unrealistic standard for yourself and others around you. This is something that’s better prevented because it’s harder to undo.?

Over time, I weaned myself from everything "extra". I put together my priorities and communicated them with clarity…. to myself. :)??

3. Define what success means for you ?

I had always glorified certain professions which I believed had a huge impact. This deep-rooted idea reflected in the way I lived life: always worrying about whether I was doing enough. I was always judging myself and that made me feel like I had to tick xyz boxes that would then certify me as ?? Adequate ??. I took on problems that weren’t mine to solve, because somewhere in my head I thought it made me a more useful person. I took on worries that weren’t mine. And the worst of all: I took on guilt that didn’t belong to me.?

I rearranged my life to make it closely aligned with my values and what I defined as success. I realized that all I wanted to do was meaningful work. Once I figured this out, it was easier to find ways to make my life valuable (as defined by me) at and outside of work.

I also let go of the idea that everything I did had to have some Grand Purpose behind it. Some of it was simply to pay the bills.

4, Be unafraid?

If there’s anything I could work towards, it’s being completely fearless. I knew last year that something was wrong, I knew I needed a break, I knew I needed to seek help. But I plodded on silently, because I was terrified of breaking my own perception of the ideal, perfect me. I was terrified to leave my job even though it was low-risk decision at the time. The what-if’s in my head blocked out all clarity.?

One of the things I kept asking myself before I quit my job was, “Who would you be if you were not so afraid?” And that’s the question I keep coming back to every time I am nervous about making a decision.

Also, I discovered that all my fear was in vain. I quit my job. I found another one. I took a break and went off on a solo trip to Cornwall. I prioritized myself. And you know what? Everyone was doing just fine. Nobody was waiting for me to solve their problems. The world didn't end.

I was utterly relieved.?

5. Give up the FOMO ?

After I quit my job, I spent a week in Cornwall on my own. It’s funny how the sky and sea can offer so much perspective, so much space. Over breakfast one day, I chatted with an 82-year old lady, who was staying at the B&B I was at. Like me, she was also there to “just spend some time watching the sea”.?

I was tired from my hike the previous day, and told her that I wanted to sleep in. But I felt guilty about staying in and not using my time more effectively there. She laughed and said, “All of this is going to be here tomorrow.”?

As I wished her a good day and went back up to my room, she called out to me softly: “You know that thing they say? You’ll get there faster by going slower.”

And that's become my new mantra. Going slower. Caring less, but just about enough.