How to Reconnect: Building a Meaningful Social Life in a Lonely World

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I don’t know about you, but I’ve found it harder and harder to make—and keep—friends as I’ve gotten older. Some of this might just be a byproduct of growing up: life gets busy, schedules clash, and it can feel like more effort than it’s worth to organize a get-together. But if I'm being honest, technology plays a part, too. Texting and social media seem like convenient replacements to IRL gatherings. And really, why should I go out the door at all when I've got endless entertainment options right at my fingertips?

But even though this state of affairs may be widespread, that doesn't mean it's OK. Evidence has been piling up that puts social connection right up there with sleep and exercise when it comes to supporting your mental and physical health. And we know this in our bones, don't we? Despite the hassle, spending quality time with friends just feels good.

On the Next Big Idea Daily podcast this week, Natalie Kerr and Jaime Kurtz — social psychologists and colleagues at James Madison University—joined us to share ideas from their new book, Our New Social Life: Science-Backed Strategies for Creating Meaningful Connection. In the book, they explore how modern norms like phone-checking and remote work have made genuine connection harder, and they offer practical, research-backed strategies to help us reclaim it.

Natalie, a frequent contributor to academic journals and Psychology Today, and Jaime, whose work has appeared in journals such as Psychological Science and the Journal of Positive Psychology, combine their expertise to tackle a modern dilemma: How do we create the connections we crave in a world designed to keep us apart?

Listen to the authors explain their key insights:

Here are five key ideas from Our New Social Life to help you rebuild your social world:

1. Social connection isn’t a luxury.

It’s as essential as sleep, exercise, and good nutrition. Yet, when life gets busy, happy hours and brunches with friends are often the first things to go. Reframing socializing as a health behavior can help us prioritize relationships in the way they deserve.

2. The norms of modern life make it hard for us to connect.

Our obsession with busyness, remote work, and (most of all) our smartphones can creat1e unspoken barriers. Resisting these norms might feel awkward at first, but it’s necessary to foster deeper relationships.

3. Our assumptions about people are often wrong.

We tend to underestimate how much others appreciate our efforts to connect—or overanalyze perceived social slip-ups. Simply put, people like you more than you think. Let that optimism guide your social efforts.

4. Opportunities for connection are right in front of us.

The secret to making friends might be as simple as proximity. Whether it’s attending yoga at the same time each week or showing up at community events, just being visible can pave the way to new connections.

5. Opening up is risky, but worth it.

Deep conversations may feel intimidating, but they’re key to meaningful relationships. Sharing your true self—imperfections and all—can create intimacy faster than small talk ever could.

We also heard a lot of other big ideas this week, including:

• How Americans made the racial wealth gap, from authors Ebony Reed and Louise Story .
• Can we settle space, and should we?, from authors Kelly Weinersmith and Zach Weinersmith .
• How to lead in a fast-changing world, from strategic advisor Steve Dennis .
• Why seeing, touching, and smelling plants can improve your physical and mental health, from Oxford professor Kathy Willis .

So go ahead, tune in to these big ideas—and then reach out to an old friend. Connection might just be the best investment you can make today.

By the way, if you're interested in having these and thousands of other big ideas right in your pocket, download the Next Big Idea app.