How to Recognize and Release CareGiver Resentment

Hey Friend,

Pause for a moment, read through the following CareGiver scenarios, and tell me if they make you feel a type of way.

1. You’re the primary CareGiver for your loved one, yet your siblings and family members don’t step up and support you unless you ask.?
2. Even though your loved one has other people or professionals who may even be paid to help them, they only ask you for certain things or request that you handle certain duties for them (such as bathing) because they say they feel most comfortable with you.?
3. Prioritizing their needs has caused you to miss yet another birthday celebration, girls trip or kickback that you planned to attend.
4. You’re late for work —again.

If you find yourself nodding, saying mmm hmmm or feeling the hairs on the back of your neck start to stand up because you’re reliving the frustration, know this: You are not alone. Many CareGivers can relate.

Know, too, that your feelings are valid. And, whether you want to admit it or not, that primary feeling that you’re likely experiencing is RESENTMENT.

What’s important is that you recognize these feelings , make room for them, and then use healthy techniques to help you release them.?

I created this framework to help you process your feelings and forgive yourself with E.A.S.E.

Examine your feelings to identify the specific source.

Are you resentful of having to take care of your loved one in the first place? Are you angry that family and friends aren’t supporting you in the ways you believe they should? Is your loved one’s care team/system not providing appropriate care, which creates a burden for you? Are you resentful that your care recipient is living with the effects of a disability, chronic illness, or aging? All of the above?

Acknowledge your feelings and accept that they are valid.

Any resentment, anger or frustration are internal, intuitive responses to the stress, burden and burnout of caregiving. No need to deny your feelings or beat yourself up for experiencing them.

Seek support in processing your feelings.

Support comes in many forms--including a family member, friend, therapist, online forum for caregivers, articles, prayer and meditation. The goal here is to lean into a support system or practice to help normalize your feelings after identifying the specific source, and then guide you to the point where you can release them.

Emancipate yourself from the chokehold of resentment.

It’s time to let it go. Consider a ritual or practice to ground yourself using a literal release. Try writing your feelings on a piece of paper that you rip into small pieces and throw away. You deserve to be free! You could also release by writing in a journal , which allows you to openly express your feeling without fear of judgement.

Resentment is real. And, honestly, it's understandable. But don't let it consume you. You can get through this!

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• For the CareGiver: Validate your feelings and get support. Release the shame and acknowledge the resentment.
• For the social worker: Utilize this framework as a tool with any CareGivers you’re working with whether in psychotherapy or case management.?If you’re a social worker who wants to learn more about how to support CareGivers, join me for my continuing education workshop on September 9th. Stay tuned for a registration link.

Dawn E. Shedrick, LCSW is a CareGiver advocate, who offers support, lived experience, and practical tools to help family CareGivers reduce stress and enhance their mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing. Dawn has been her mother’s primary CareGiver for 27 years and balances this responsibility with her work as a consultant, trainer, therapist and educator in health and human services.?She is on a mission to reshape the narrative of what it means to be a CareGiver, and she is the author of “Courageous Contemplation: A Guided Journal for Family CareGivers of Chronically Ill, Disabled, and Elderly Loved Ones," which you can purchase NOW by clicking here.

An engaging speaker and trainer for more than 25 years, Dawn has delivered mental and emotional wellness talks and workshops at GE, Canon, NY Mets, Travelers Insurance, Office Depot, GlaxoSmithKline, JP Morgan Chase and more. In her LinkedIn newsletter, Contemplating CareGiving, she shares insights on how to shift your understanding of the identities and needs of the spectrum of family CareGivers. Learn more at?https://dawnshedrick.com ?