How to Read the Room When You’re Not in the Room

Welcome back to The Power Coach, the bi-weekly newsletter* that skips “happy talk” and helps leaders ascend, one Hard Truth at a time.?

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** We’re all human. I’m usually quite disciplined about releasing my newsletter every 2 weeks, but last week I wrapped up a great two months with my father,? important personal time that delayed the release of today’s newsletter. Turns out you can learn A LOT about improving your relationships from porcupines, which I reflected on HERE . **?

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At a tiny restaurant in Zurich, guests experience meals in a completely new light. Literally. Deprived of their ability to see at the blindekuh , the world’s first restaurant in the dark, diners learn to draw on skills they never realized they had.?

And that’s exactly what most of us went through during lockdowns. As one client remarked: “It feels like I’m flying blind, even in Zoom… How do I read the room when I’m not in the room?!”

She was asking how she might observe the body language of others, sense the vibe in the room, or pick up on small cues from side interactions, which collectively make up that vital interpersonal skill of reading the thoughts, intentions, and emotional states of others that allows us to react and adjust our communication and actions effectively. Reading the room enhances our political and influence skills , which are the top drivers of leading, making an impact, and yes, getting promoted.

Covid-introduced constraints ironically but not surprisingly made companies and workers realize that remote work has distinct advantages, and – like guests at the blindekuh – that we can emerge from the discomfort with a wider, more powerful set of skills.?

As we settle into the new hybrid normal, here are four key learnings from working during lockdowns that we must continue to integrate to be effective as we increasingly bounce between remote and in-person interaction:

1: Get a Yoda (the value of a helping observer)

• Before lockdowns: When speaking to an audience of any size, experienced presenters examined and checked in with their audience. This provided a space to adjust, to ensure the message was getting through.?
• During lockdowns: It was hard enough to read the room in person, but online, where audio and video challenged us, we made countless blunders. The most effective leaders, however, enlisted others to help them read the room -- and not just with technical support. Helpers monitored chat boards, observed facial expressions, and picked up on feedback. This strategy wasn’t necessarily new. Keith Ferrazzi has urged teams to have a “Yoda” in the room, someone who helps observe what’s not being said. Lockdowns forced us to embrace it.
• Returning to hybrid: During lockdowns, what was the biggest insight (or blindspot) that your Yoda made you aware of? Was it to slow down, or maybe that some individuals participated more during Zoom than in person? How might you continue to benefit from those insights, and utilize a Yoda in all your meetings going forward???

2: Set the scene (how you show up matters)?

• Before lockdowns: Most of us were painfully aware of how some people seemed to command more attention in the room. What gets described as “executive presence” often felt like it was based on appearance and communication style more than our actual smarts or content of our message.
• During lockdowns: Suddenly we all found ourselves interacting through a highly- controlled video box, or only by voice. For many of my clients it became a game-changer. Introverts or those who got nervous speaking up began to have less fear. They could hold eye contact while reading prepared notes taped to their monitor. They discovered that subtle shifts in how they positioned themselves or added lighting could make them stand out or appear more in command. One 5’ 5” client found himself being taken more seriously. Interviewing by video only, he felt people saw him as physically taller and more leader-like, perceptions that lead to outside offers that doubled his pay.
• Returning to hybrid: In person or remote, pay careful attention to how you are showing up. Perception matters. What mediums may be most effective for you when you interact? More importantly, what biases might you be holding about others??

3: Keep using those new tools (the key is to unlock knowledge)

• Before lockdowns: Many of us got frustrated by people who hogged air time in meetings or interrupted others. Many group leaders sadly allowed that practice to carry on (and often promoted those individuals), despite evidence that doing so leads to group-think and posturing, which leads to poorer quality decisions.
• During lockdowns: Savvy leaders experimented and embraced technology. They used chat discussion boards, anonymous polling, and even “flipping the classroom” techniques to unlock points of view and information that had been suppressed in their in-person meetings.?
• Returning to hybrid: What effective techniques from your online meetings might make your in-person ones more effective? There’s no reason that you can’t continue to harness that technology or those insights just because you’re in person.??

4: Go slow to go fast (there’s still a learning curve to “connecting”)

• Before lockdowns: Everyone was accustomed to in-person, so we stuck to a traditional playbook of how we ran our meetings and onboarded people, often skipping past the fact that teams need time to gel.
• During lockdowns: Learning new technology forced us to slow down. Companies learned they needed to give more training, and that they needed to regularly check-in on what was and wasn’t working. Many realized that building connections and trust took longer virtually, so they experimented with ways to create informal interactions that we previously gained at the break room or happy hour.
• Returning to hybrid: What worked best to create informal interaction when you were remote? There’s nothing like meeting in-person, but don’t forge to maintain the attention paid to integrate remote colleagues and to keep checking-in on what is working. Might it be time to start more “in-sites” (vs “off-sites”), periodically bringing your remote team together in person?

Reading the room when you’re not in the room, while difficult, is not impossible. It simply demands a willingness to adapt, learn, and put into practice new skills and new tools. Like guests at the blindekuh, we have emerged with a wider toolkit. It would be a shame to forget that. Keeping in mind these four strategies, you’ll not only thrive in the new hybrid world, you’ll probably be more effective than you ever were before.??

Let’s talk about it:

This week, ask yourself: How can I read the room – better than I ever did before?

To build on this, consider these questions:?

• What did I learn from working 100% remotely?
• How might that benefit me in my in-person work?
• Who else might have a useful insight from that period, that I can learn from?

The Power Coach is here to ignite discussion, so share your answers in the comment section below or send me a message.

Michael Wenderoth

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