How to React to Feedback About Executive Presence

Over the years our clients have gotten all kinds of feedback about their executive presence. Make no mistake, as an executive coach I take any feedback a client receives very seriously. Our firm takes the view that feedback is a free education to excellence. Unfortunately, not all feedback is created equal. Feedback can be unclear, conflicting and sometimes downright problematic. For this reason, it’s important to know how to receive feedback with curiosity and grace so that it serves you in your advancement. 

UNCLEAR FEEDBACK

Clients often report that they’ve been told that they need more swagger or gravitas or that they need to know how to own the room. This kind of feedback can be frustrating. It’s like telling someone they need to be more luminous. What does it mean? How do you achieve swagger? These types of amorphous phrases are highly subjective and hard to create behavioral change around. 

Regardless of what kind of feedback you get, be sure to say, "thank you." Expressing sincere gratitude demonstrates that you want to grow and that you appreciate that someone is invested in your development. Don't stop with gratitude. Ask questions to clarify their meaning. Thank you so much for the feedback. In order to implement some behavioral changes around this, can you define, swagger and clarify how swagger is expressed through action? 

You want to challenge poor feedback without sounding bitter or irritated. Be curious rather than defensive. The goal is better quality communication that will ultimately serve you.

CONFLICTING FEEDBACK

Many of our executive coaching clients have reported being given conflicting feedback. We find that it’s not uncommon for them to be told that they’re too aggressive or too passive in the same conversation. This sort of feedback can be especially demoralizing because it doesn’t feel like it’s rooted in any actual context. Hard though it may be, you still need to approach this feedback with the same enthusiasm as any feedback you receive. 

Ask questions with a sincere, curious tone. It’s hard not to be combative when you receive contradictory feedback but it’s imperative not to just jump in and defend yourself. Instead, take a deep breath and ask for what you need. I appreciate the feedback. I also want to make sure that I’m understanding you correctly. Earlier you said that I wasn’t direct with people and they didn’t respect my passive style. Just now, you said you found me to be quite aggressive as a leader. Is that accurate? I would like to get some clarity and specificity around these situations so that I can achieve my personal best as a leader. Can you provide some specific examples to help me to better understand your observations? 

VAGUE FEEDBACK 

Vague feedback tends to use a lot of phrases like, "we need you to step up or we need you to demonstrate more leadership or take more ownership." If you get vague feedback it’s best to ask for specific situations. Thank you for making me aware of your concerns. Can you illuminate for me some moments when I could have stepped up or demonstrated more leadership? I want to make sure that I’m able to implement your feedback in an actionable way. 

Don't be afraid to ask follow up questions. If you walk away from a conversation without understanding and a plan, then there has been a communication failure.

TIME RELATED FEEDBACK

Time related feedback can suffer from a lack of specificity which can cause you to feel as if the finish line keeps getting moved. Many of our clients have been told, "you need more time, let’s see where you are next year" or "we want you to show us more in the next few months." It may in fact be quite reasonable but with no timelines the feedback feels as if there’s no clear path. Make sure you write down responses so it’s clear you’re taking them seriously. Thank you for the feedback. Can we drill down a bit about what you mean by more time? What needs to occur and by what deadline in order for me to be considered for advancement? When would you be comfortable giving me an opportunity? 

Ask for benchmarks and regular check ins to keep everyone on the same page.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT

Let’s be honest when someone says that you’re doing great and just keep doing what you’re doing, it’s very seductive to leave that conversation feeling pretty good. The problem is that you may not be getting information you need to advance. We don’t learn much from being told how great we are. Although, it’s awfully nice to hear that we’re fabulous. You have a right to be educated and developed in your job, but you can’t be if you aren’t being given good quality feedback. If the only feedback you’re being given is generally positive, make sure you advocate for yourself and ask for more. Thank you so much. That’s really great to hear. I really want to make sure that I’m doing all I can to reach my goals to become a Director. I would really appreciate some feedback on anything you think would get in the way of that goal. I want to make sure I’m growing and developing and I don’t want to be held back by a blind spot. 

Feedback is not easy to give or receive, but it’s simply not possible to grow without quality feedback. When you advocate for quality feedback, you save time, avoid being held hostage by unclear communication and empower yourself as a leader. Be curious, ask questions, and try not to take anything personally. It can be a frustrating endeavor but your self-advocacy and thoughtful response is in and of itself a display of executive presence. 

Ann marie Houghtailing is the co-founder of Story Imprinting.

You can learn more about executive presence here:

Executive Presence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQxTsOyLcvQ

Interviewing a Professional Coach: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sldbyhGxgq0

More on Executive Presence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMqCxATyQQY&t=71s