How to Reach Out To a Stranger On LinkedIn and Make a Connection

As one who is in the media a good deal through my Forbes and other blogs, and through speaking and career consulting, I’m approached literally every day by scores of strangers hoping to connect, speak, get free advice, or get help landing a job.

I'm truly honored and happy to receive requests to connect from those I don’t know.  In fact, that’s how I built over 7,000 1st level connections, and 34,000+ followers.  I understand that it is a given in my line of work to be contacted by people who want to connect and also need help. All good.

But being on the receiving end of hundreds of emails that don’t work at all and are off-putting to say the least, I’d like to share with you my perspective on the right – and the wrong – way to reach out to a stranger and ask to speak, or connect with someone you know only from their online presence.

From my view, there are three vitally important ingredients that need to be present in your communications and in the manner and style of your outreach for you to be successful. If these are missing, you’ll fail to make a positive connection at best, and annoy and offend your potential contacts forever, at worst.

What 3 ingredients need to be reflected in your outreach?

Do your homework, and demonstrate that

Treat every new connection as an individual, and use a tailored, smart and respectful approach.  You’re reaching out to this person presumably because you’ve heard about their work through word of mouth, or an article you read, or a LinkedIn update that resonated with you. In some cases, these folks have a large media platform or are leaders and experts and are inundated daily with requests, so here’s what must come next. If you want to make a positive connection and especially if you are hoping for something from this individual, do your homework, and a lot of it, before writing to them.

Review everything you can about him/her – blog posts, videos, interviews, guest posts, his/her book – the works. Understand as much as you can about the individual and about what you want to know from them, so that when you connect, you have informed and intelligent questions/input to offer.

As Sheryl Sandberg mentions in Lean In, she’s really put off by people who connect by asking questions like “What’s the culture of Facebook?” Why? Because you can read her answers to that (and Mark Zuckerberg’s as well) everywhere online. Avoid asking the obvious and don’t pose questions that you can easily find the answers to. Reach out instead with a unique insight, a positive comment, a helpful offer, or a new point of view or question that will be helpful and welcomed by the new contact.

Understand how it truly works to find a mentor

There’s been so much written about how to find and ask for a mentor (here are some great tips) but if you have to formally ask “Will you be my mentor?” you are missing the boat and won't succeed.  The strongest bonds are formed through connection felt and experienced by both parties.  The most effective way to approach it is to find someone currently in your life and career with whom you can build a mutually-beneficial relationship that will help you grow. This needs to be someone who has observed the potential in you already because you’ve demonstrated it to them, and who would enjoy nurturing that potential. It’s not a complete stranger but someone with whom you are already intersecting in your career or field and who has shown interest in you and would love to be supportive.

If you don’t have anyone in your life that fits that bill, I’d suggest that you enlarge your sphere of influence. Go out in the world in a bigger way, and start connecting online and in person with other professionals who inspire and enliven you. Bring yourself to market, network extensively, join organizations and associations that bring you together with exciting, aligned people. Start sharing your expertise and learning how to shine (start your own blog, write articles, mentor others, sit on a board, volunteer in a meaningful capacity, etc).

Take into consideration where your new contact is coming from

Finally, when you reach out to someone you don’t know, be considerate, respectful and put yourself in their shoes. In all your communications (at work and in your personal life), think about the receiver of your communications and how they need to be treated and approached in order to able to respond in a positive way.

Don't pitch them just because they've accepted your LinkedIn invite, and absolutely don't automatically pitch every new connection  (every time I see an email or LinkedIn messages that starts "Hello"  without my name, I know it's an autoresponder that many others are receiving.) A LinkedIn invite acceptance is not an invitation for you to hawk your wares. (Truly, I'm completely floored at how many people today haven't learned the etiquette of networking.)

Be considerate of your new contact's time, and understand that building relationships online is exactly like building them in person. You wouldn’t come up to a stranger at a cocktail party and begin pushing your latest business idea (unless you're a narcissist) or ask them for help finding you a job, would you? You’d ease into the situation, listen deeply first, and learn about who they are and what they care about. Then, and only then, would you respectfully pose a question or offer a comment that you know is a good fit with their passions, skills, and interests.

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Go out in the world and build a fabulous support network and enthusiastic “ambassadors” for your work, but do it in the right way. If you don't, the network you create will be filled with "hawkers" and self-promoters as well, and no one will advance or progress in a meaningful way. Developing a powerful community and network is truly essential to your growth and success, as is learning how to connect with strangers in ways that enliven them as well as support you.

What are your deepest challenges in connecting with strangers in positive ways?

For more about networking successfully, join me in my Success Skills Training teleclass series.  To build an amazing, rewarding career of significance, visit kathycaprino.com and The Amazing Career Project and take my 6-day Amazing Career Challenge.