How to re-wire what's holding you back?! ??

16 years into the process, I had one of the most impactful sessions with my #coach yesterday. Why do you want to read about that?!

I don't know, that's up for you to decide ?? I don't write this to please you dear reader nor to make you happy - I don't try to provide any value for you here. If I do it by accident, great. Bottom line it is you who chooses what to make out of what I publish here. I can't control your reaction. The whole point about writing and publishing this post is about doing something I did not dare to do before. But why would I do it, when every expert or source about building a bigger network and reach on LinkedIn dictates to provide #value with EVERY touchpoint?! ??

Because that's the whole fucking point of putting yesterday's #learning into today's #action ! ??

Going into the coaching session, I had somewhat of a plan and as always saw it completely changed. How? I started with the question: 'Why am I always so annoyed, when I have to sit down and just do stuff?' I love to think and work conceptually and at the same time I am a great operator - I get shit done fast and efficiently. But every time it's about sitting down and starting the engine, it is almost always accompanied by a draggy feeling of 'do I have to?'. So I wanted to figure out why this negative energy arises within my mental system and if it would free up even more energy for me, if I could free myself from it.

Pretty quickly we came back to my memory of me fighting my mother about having to do my homework - by the way: Thanks mum for picking the fight and pushing me back in the day ??

I was one of those kids in school who were considered to be 'too #loud ', 'too #energetic ', 'too #opinionated ' sometimes even 'too #annoying '. The reasoning behind it was quite simple: I was bored. We were moving along to slow for my liking and more often than not, I was frustrated when being asked to listen to the third repetition of an explanation of a concept I already understood on the first go about things. Whenever I got bored and was asked to remain in class and on topic, I found my own ways to make it interesting for me. Sometimes with a random joke, sometimes by mocking a classmate's remark, sometimes by contributing with my insight and nurturing the ongoing discussion about a topic. My teachers were always 'torn' between being supportive and judging - understandably so given my mood swings and changing behavior depending on my level of interest in the subject of the day. From that time and environment I took that: 'I only belong when I explain the world to others and/or adapt myself to fit in. That I just have a place in society, when I adapt to the circumstances created for the mainstream as well as the learning speed and their way to communicate'.

Sounds in parts very much like many people's experience in school I guess ??♂?

Yet in yesterday's coaching session, I came to understand is that the #behavioral #strategy I learned in the classroom when I was 9 years old had profound consequences for the rest of my life. Instead of just using and applying this strategy in school in order to just 'get by', this strategy was 'copied', 'rolled out' and applied across all my life's areas: how I build relationships - professional and private, how I nurture relationships - professional and private, what I ended up doing for living, how I interact with my family … it is - since yesterday was - omnipresent, right there hiding in plain sight driving me and holding me back at the same time.

My entire life I was held back and felt limited by the thought and question 'what will others think about what I do' ?? and to a certain extent that is a healthy trait that allows us humans to thrive in relationships with others. Beyond a certain healthy threshold, it becomes burdensome and keeps you from what YOU actually want to do with you life, just for the sake of 'feeling accepted'. When you reach such a point it is time to act. Time to heal old wounds, to overcome your internal barrier and to grow into your next version. To overcome your inner wiring and grow into your next version, you have to act 'irrationally' and do things you did not dare to do before or even memorized as helpful strategies in the past.

The evening before this coaching session I had a great conversation with fellow entrepreneur and friend Mattia Schaper . After sharing some of my learnings from my #personal #growth journey, she reminded me of an important part of the process by asking one simple question: 'and what are you going to do with that learning? How does it translate into your everyday life?' ??

Great question. Right up the alley of the good old Tony Robbins who put it so fittingly once: "Knowledge is not power, it's potential power. Knowledge is not mastery, execution is mastery. Execution will trump knowledge every day of the week."

So how exactly can we put a newly created behavioral strategies into action?! ??

The process of behavioral change and adaptation is just that - a #process . Just as you have had to learn to crawl, before you could walk, your brain has to get used to a new reality and has to re-wire itself. In my experience this process follows these five steps:

1. Reflective Realization of the systemic issue: becoming aware of the neuronal pattern when you are in a relaxed situation and reflective state of mind.

2. Reflective Understanding of the systemic issue: understanding of the neuronal pattern usually through a conversation with a good friend or coach.

3. Developing and Anchoring alternative behavioral strategies: something like 'everytime I notice this feeling creeping up, I want to do XYZ instead of ABC'

4. Realization of the systemic issue in real-time (see when shit goes 'south', when it actually does) + Reflective remembrance of developed and anchored alternative behavioral strategies: meaning you notice the neuronal patterns firing almost in real-time and remember the alternative behavioral strategies you wanted to apply in these situations, but are not yet ready execute automatically and on cue.

5. Applying anchored alternative behavioral strategies in real-time: executing the new behavioral strategy whenever the former neuronal pattern is triggered.

And what's is to prioritize during such a transformational process? ??

During a transformation phase of letting go from one old, well practiced behavioral strategy to a new one, there is one ingredient that really helps along the way: #SLEEP - a lot of sleep. Observe, Re-wire, Practice, SLEEP and repeat. Remember that's what we all did when we were babies, before the pressure to perform and all sorts of #FOMO got the better part of us.

Please do with these lines whatever you want - I am not seeking your approval or judgement here. I just did what I promised myself to do from this day forward: do the things I enjoy doing and which give me energy! Processing my thoughts through writing and making them graspable for me and sharing them with others, is such an activity. Embrace yourself for more content from my end and in case you look for someone to blame, feel free to reach out and I am more than happy to give you the contact details of my coach so she can help you free yourself from limiting internal narratives yourself! ??

So Long,

Florian

P.s.: If you are asking yourself what you see on the image, this is the handwritten note of my coach she has written down for me containing the message meant for me to use twice a day in the coming weeks. Why are some lines blacked out? Well, since this message was meant for me and this article is my show, I can decide what I want to share with you and what I don't want to share. Please find your way to deal with that ??

#visibility #behavioralstrategies #transformation