How to Quit a Toxic Company

You’re at your wit’s end. You’ve done all you can. You’ve looked in the mirror and made an honest self-assessment. And so now you’re debating the fight or flight question and increasingly thinking that it’s time to go. That the poison, chaos, and personal toll are just too much to bear.

Unless the problem is you – and let’s face it, that could be the issue here – then you are likely to resign your position to a knowing audience. In my experience, when toxicity reigns supreme, it’s no real secret. That toxicity is tolerated because: (a) there’s a conflict avoidant leadership style or culture at play, (b) the toxicity ring leader or leaders is/are perceived as bringing too much value and so the shortcomings are overlooked, (c) there is a fear-based dynamic whereby everybody heads for the hills at the first sign of trouble, or (d) the organization is paralyzed with an inability to initiate and maintain positive change. In some situations, it could be more than one… or even all… of these.

It’s not uncommon that the person you will resign your position to and/or HR representative will want to know the skinny, the dirty details, the backstory. Perhaps they are building a case and trying to document the folly of a leader or hoping to find a willing whistleblower who can get the ball rolling toward change. This puts you, the person committed to resigning, in a tricky spot. You are going to wonder: how honest can I be here? Your choices are: (a) decline the exit interview and get out of Dodge, (b) lay it all on the line and let the chips fall where they may, or (c) be honest but in a careful and strategic manner.

Option (a) might feel safest but it won’t result in any improvement for the company. Bad behaviors will be rewarded and perpetrators will remain safe. Option (b) might give you a good sense of empowerment but it can turn politically tricky fast and, frankly, sometimes you just don’t know what you don’t know. In other words, you could drop a dime and level strong accusations against someone only to find out that you were… basically wrong. It happens. More than you think. Option (c) can be difficult and may not always be possible, but I’m going to suggest it’s worth trying to walk that tightrope.

I recommend a three part strategy. In reality, it’s probably more accurate to describe it as a three phase strategy as you’ll want to assess how the conversation is going and then make a decision in the moment as to whether to move on to the next step. The three parts are:

1. Just say it. Open with a clear statement about what you are doing, namely quitting. I have witnessed resignation conversations when people beat around the bush endlessly, leaving the listener pondering just what is going on. Make it a simple and direct statement, such as: “Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice, but this is time sensitive. I wanted to communicate to you that I am resigning from the position of X.” There, done.
2. Disarm. You may be catching them off guard and their minds may be wrestling with a number of difficult questions and emotions. Before they dig themselves too far into a rabbit hole, provide some quick context. This can include remarks such as: “This saddens me greatly because I had such high hopes for this job. I have worked very hard here and I like and respect many of the people. I’m not going to go negative about this organization or anyone who works here, both today and from this point forward [key statement… this will have a great impact in many situations], though I suspect that I might be disparaged once this news is out [you are arming them to ignore the bad things they may hear about you in the future].
3. Jab. The name of this step has a negative connotation but you are being a total class act up to this point. It will feel good to put something helpful out there that they can work with and which might let you sleep better down the line. Here you must find a sweet spot between directly saying… and inferring… and only you can decide whether you are comfortable navigating this narrow path. You could say something along these lines: “There is a lot wrong in that office/team/company. The warning signs are everywhere and I suspect you and others already know about them [note: this is an invitation to them to be honest about what they already know about the problem]. Despite the best efforts of many, there are some fundamental challenges there. I fear this scenario is going to play out again and again and it will negatively impact the performance and mission of the company [i.e., this is serious].”

Many, hearing this last part, will press for specifics and so you will have a decision to make: go for it with guns a blazing… or hang back and decline any substantive further conversation. If you choose the latter, you could simply say: “I’m not comfortable going negative right now”… or… “saying more doesn’t feel safe to me.”

Every situation is unique and I don’t want to suggest some type of one-size-fits-all remedy to this difficult scenario, but I hope the three part approach noted here can be adapted to your specifics.

Good luck! This is challenging…