How This Quarantine Has Added Unequivocal Value to My Motherhood Journey

This global pandemic has been horrendous beyond words. From all of the people that passed away, to all of those who have been sick, and those who lost their jobs or were furloughed, it has been an absolute disaster. I personally know four people who have been affected. Two came out of it, after long critical hospital care, and are on long journeys to recovery. One self quarantined and was fine. The fourth, was not so lucky. Forty-six year old man, went from perfectly healthy father of two with no underlying issues, to dead, in a period of ten days. It is a tragedy.

Many people turn to God in times of crisis... I often find myself turning away. It is hard to believe in a higher power when the world as we know has fallen apart, people everywhere losing their family members, their livelihoods, the economy is crashing, for no apparent reason, and an invisible enemy it seems, is out to get us all. Like an evil game of Russian Roulette on this fragile world of ours.

As a logical adult, I remind myself how important it is to be grateful, to look ahead, and to try to see the glass half full. But often, my emotions get in the way of my logical thinking, and I don't have the strength to do so.

This time is different. As Mother's Day came and went, I realized, this Mother's Day is undeniably different. I feel closer to my son. I know all of him. His personality, his quirks, his attitude, his love, his compassion. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad, I now know it all. Silly as it seems, for the first time on Mother's Day, I felt like I deserved to be celebrated.

You see, I have always been what they call a nights and weekends mama. This has been both out of necessity, but also, in part, by choice. I did miss my son while I worked. But I have also always loved and been passionate about being a litigator, and it was not something I could give up, even if I had the means.

But the lawyer-mommy gig came with a hefty price tag. Did I know my child? No. I was the pretty lady that came home in a suit, made and fed dinner and told cool bedtime stories. My son was in awe, but on a deeper level, he didn't know me, nor did I know him. I missed a lot of amazing moments that could have, and should have, turned to great memories.

With this quarantine, I was thrown into a different position. For the first time in my life, I had to be a full time mommy and a full time lawyer all at the same time. My child wanted to be around me all the time. Whenever I would get on a call, he would have to run in and ask me who it was... and repeatedly ask and ask and ask until I muted my call and explained to him who it was, and what we were talking about. If I try to lock my door, he slams it and cries and screams until I open it. When I attempted to establish an exercise routine, he would need to interrupt it, and anytime I grabbed a weight, or a band, he needed it immediately.

It was a rough adjustment. It was difficult not to get frustrated. I didn't get a break. I still haven't since I've been home, which I can tell you is March 20. My son is a mama's boy, and mama is home for more than two days for the FIRST TIME EVER. With the people we know affected, and due to some weakened immunity issues, my husband and I have been in complete isolation from the outside world. We do not even leave the house for groceries, we order them in.

Slowly but surely, my son and I adjusted. I wake up at 4 to get a few hours of work in before he wakes up to ensure I don't miss any deadlines. I learned to work my toddler into my workout routine, even if it means throwing pillows at me while I do cardio. I learned to negotiate with him to allow him to be around me for a certain amount of time while I work, and to play with his toys when his time is up. I learned to shamelessly use gummy bear bribes to ensure I can jump on my conference calls professionally.

Most importantly, I learned my son. I learned to be patient with him, to (mostly) accept his terrible-three toddle personality, with all of its quirks, to spend every waking hour with or around him, and not in frustration. And my son, he learned me. I'm mostly just his mom on the computer now, and he loves it.

Is it smooth sailing from here? No. There are still a lot of ups and downs we face, which I know are going to be difficult. God knows how long we will be in this situation. How this will end, or when it will end, or if it will end... But today, today I am recognizing the immense gift this quarantine has given my personal journey of motherhood. To know my child so deeply, to be with him twenty four hours a day. I did not sign up for this, nor did I think I could handle it. But this experience has added SO much value to my life, that I cannot leave unaddressed, and my hope is, other working moms in similar situations, can learn to appreciate the value this quarantine has added to their journeys, notwithstanding the obstacles.

Despite the absolute tragic circumstances which caused this quarantine, it has, without a doubt, been an absolute blessing to my journey of motherhood, and that realization has been the best Mother's Day present ever.

#MOTHERSDAY #QUARANTINE #WORKINGMOM