How To Overcome Being Stuck.

It has been said that as human beings we will do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. Whilst it may be true that the human condition is wired this way, to simply be putting more energy into avoiding pain in the form of mistakes, fears of failing, fears of the unknown and so on, is not the only way of looking at our lives.

We also know that if life was just all about gaining pleasure that like all pleasures, they can be overdone, become addictions and ironically transform into more pain in our lives, and then we get stuck. Being stuck would have to easily be one of the top 3 reasons why people fall behind in their lives. By falling behind, I mean that they are nowhere near where they thought they would be by now.

Over the last decade and a half, I have asked 100’s of people one simple question. Are you experiencing your life today the way you imagined it 10 years ago? In other words, perhaps when you were 25 you thought that by 35 you would have a certain lifestyle, a particular kind of relationship and a career that truly fulfilled you. Unfortunately, in most cases, the answer is a resounding no.

The happens for one of two reasons:

1. The answer to this question often focuses on what pleasures they would have by now. (pleasures of relationship, career and so on). So, if these are not achieved or experienced, they find happiness elusive.
2. The answer also focuses on what they don’t want. In other words, avoiding pain. They may be thinking that by the time I’m (insert whatever age or stage) I will be not be living here anymore, or I’ll be out of this soulless job, or I won’t be struggling for money anymore. This thinking is also with the mission to get happy.

The biggest problem of all with this question is that there is another part or element to this that is rarely thought about. That is, once we have obtained the pleasures of all kinds, then what? What happens next? The problem here is not so much these questions, but the thinking or psychology of what is behind these questions.

As we know, anxiety and depression issues are at incredible highs and yet we are surrounded by an incredible array of choices when it comes to pleasures. Pleasures ranging from a wide variety of food choices, activities, holiday destinations, online in the form of social media, live stream tv shows and so on.

The issue isn’t choice. The issue is our mental and emotional approach. The resolution is a shift in awareness and focus. This shift is everything. This shift enriches our perspective. This one shift will help us clarify, what matters most. This shift in perspective is to become aware that the human condition has something else more important, beyond the pleasure-pain dilemma.

The human condition’s chief desire is not pleasure but meaning.

A life in pursuit of pleasure is fast. A life in pursuit of meaning is deep. A life motivated by pleasure chases the illusive goal of happiness. A life inspired by meaning connects us with fulfilment.

Here, is the game-changer…..

Where there is a lack of meaning, we fill that void with pleasure. We will distract ourselves with pleasures where we lack meaning.

Let’s be clear here that pleasures in life are fun. They do matter. Afterall they are pleasures! However, without meaning, there are no sustainable great feelings ranging from happiness through to fulfilment.

Everything meaningful has pleasure within it. Not everything that is pleasurable has meaning.

The journey of transforming from ambition to meaning does not mean you leave ambitions behind. Not all ambitious achievements fulfil us, but all meaningful ambitious achievements do.

The ultimate goal then is identifying pleasures, experiences which are meaningful to us. The question may remain, ‘how do we do that?’

Great question. Every great question leads to a great answer. The way we experience a meaningful life is to have 3 key focus areas:

1. Accurately understand and learn to unveil what our values are.
2. Identify behavioural vehicles (in the form of relationships, career, hobbies) in our lives, which bring these values alive.
3. Then commit to bringing the experiences of career, relationships and hobbies into our lives which sing to our soul. What sings to our soul is a values alignment.

If this all sounds like a lot and very big, it’s because it is. This is a lifetime. Is there anything more important in life than progressing towards a worthy ideal which brings meaning and pleasure?