What you MUST know before using social media

Here’s a quick exercise: think of all the people you saw the last 24 hours - workplace, restaurant, cafeteria, gymnasiums, commute, meetings, any place you saw people. Recall the ONE common thing most of these people were doing. Being preoccupied with their cellphone will figure at the top of the list. If you find it difficult to recall what people around you were doing last 24 hours, that isn’t a memory problem - very likely, you were too lost in your phone to observe others. If you observed what application on the phone kept them busy, social media apps would figure at the very top followed by shopping sites, GPS and taking pictures.

Cellphone usage is ubiquitous. If you are a corporate professional, you must have experienced moments of frustration not knowing if your colleague, lost in cellphone, has heard you out. In personal life, nothing can be more disturbing than feeling ignored by your loved ones as social media takes priority over you. What makes social media so tempting that we forget our loved ones, miss contents of important meetings and avoid eye-contact with people when attending to social media?

Why do we find social media so irresistible? 

Here are few reasons:

1.      Pleasure: If you have ever posted on social media, you will relate to this. The pleasure of having more engagements on your post (likes, shares, comments) is worth its weight in gold. However, the way our brain works, it isn’t the final number of likes that will excite you but the expectation of further growth in that number. Every new “like” increases the expectation that there will be more to come – that expectation drives you to access social media as often as possible.

2.      FOMO:  The brain is inherently a fear-averse organ and will do anything to stay away from it - be it the fear of being chased by a lion or the Fear Of Missing Out on the latest gossip and shopping deals. The latter is what social media capitalizes on. The best way to eliminate the fear of missing out on “stuff” that our friends might access first is to be in it as often as possible – adding to the irresistibility of social media.

3.      Novelty: We all love novelty in our otherwise dull lives. Abuzz with fresh matter every second, social media is filled with novelty, excitement and a feel-good-factor. Interesting learning opportunities including online courses add a rational twist to the emotional feel-good factor. The craving for this novelty gets us hooked to social media.

4.      Fear of the unknown: One aspect of brain fear is a fear of the unknown – even unknown people. In public places, the clear majority of people are unknown to us and the brain intuitively fears making eye-contact or indulging in conversations with them. Social media eliminates this fear and provides the comfort of being with known friends.

Add the above and it is obvious that spending time on social media is far more interesting than listening to your partners daily routines, tuning into boring office news or looking at faces of unknown people in public.

Is this bad?

Far from it - The points listed in the earlier section don’t appear vicious. Used in moderation, social media can provide a lot of benefits like staying in touch with distant friends, financial benefits from good deals and keeping up with the daily news. The caveat is “used in moderation“. 

Unfortunately, anything linked to the brain has the potential of quickly becoming a habit and overtime an addiction. It is at this point that benefits of social media are outweighed by the risks - ranging from disrupted sleep and poor fitness to radiation challenges and injuries.

However, the most devastating is the social challenge. Social media – originally meant to aid socializing - soon leads to real-life social isolation, damaging our most important relationships and weakening the very qualities it is supposed to strengthen. This should not be surprising: with more time spent in the company of virtual friends on social media, the less time we have – and lesser attention – for friends in real life.

Secondly, while the virtual world of social media is good for short-term engagement, it cannot replace the social events, bonding and emotional connect that only the real world can provide. Worse, it could lead to fantasizing outcomes that aren’t being met in real life.

Lastly, social media addiction has several destructive aspects: the emotional downs caused by cyberbullying or getting trolled could lead to catastrophic consequences – including reported cases of suicide.

How to handle it? 

Clearly, social media has a lot of benefits: what’s vital to learn to tame this wild animal. Here are some simple steps that can help you:

1.      External control: The first step to taming the beast is to measure your time on social media and manage it. There are several excellent apps available that can be used for this. Several of these apps can help you set cut offs on time spent on social media and can block off your access once the time is exhausted.

However, external control works like an alarm clock– but they always come with a snooze button. Because the cut offs are in your hands, you need will-power to allow this option to work effectively.

2.      Internal inspiration: Ultimately, the real way to control social media addiction is to nip it in the bud. Social media is a nice-to-have, but it tends to become a must-to-have when it tries to fill a void in your life. The key is find that void and to fulfill it consciously without allowing social media to fill it subconsciously. Here are a few voids that social media seeks to fill in.

a.      Cultivate healthy relationships: Absence of strong relations in real world leads people to search for those in the virtual world. To eliminate this void, cultivate healthy working relationships in your personal and professional life. With even ONE trusting relationship, you won’t need the crutch of social media.

Ironically, the first step is stop using social media when you are in the company of people and give them your quality time. This will also boost your listening skills, in addition strengthening your relations.

b.      Maintain a meaningful social life: The very reason people seek the succor of virtual world is the absence of a real world social circle. Join a professional network in your city, sign up for a course or pursue a hobby actively. Besides engaging you, the resulting social connections will enrich your life more significantly than any virtual relationship.

c.      Get physically active: Lethargy and social media addiction often go hand-in-hand. Building and maintaining real-world relationships need active efforts whereas virtual ones are so easy to maintain: stay in bed, munch on your favorite cookies and chat away. Break this lethargy by maintaining a physically active life. Besides shaking lethargy away, workouts have a mental benefit too: the resulting adrenaline rush works wonders to maintain your brain in a positive state.

d.      Reframe: Realize that social media isn’t the space for emotions. Get out of the habit of posting on social media for the lure of likes, comments or shares. Relook at every post and comment as a neutral third party. This will prevent a rush of emotions on someone else’s comments. If you are a sensitive person, avoid interacting with political, religious or other such emotional posts. 

The image on the left summarizes reframing really well.

Summary

Like everything in life, social media by itself is neither a boon nor a bane – it is your perspective and usage that makes it what it is. From a perspective standpoint, social media can be viewed as the external fa?ade of your life that should stand on a solid foundation of real world relationships. Without the substance, style will collapse. Learn the fine art of balancing style (social media) with substance (real life) by implementing the steps above and enjoy the benefits of this wonderful addition to our 21st century lives.

Lost in thoughts? Spell out your thoughts in the comments box below.

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Raja Jamalamadaka is a thought-leader in the field of organization effectiveness and neurosciences and is a coach to senior industry executives. His primary area of research is the functioning of the brain and its links to leadership qualities like productivity, confidence, positivity and decision making. He is a technology veteran, mentors founders of startups and is a board member of several startups in India and US. You can read some earlier articles here:

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