How to prevent emotional turmoil, mental health issues and build a healthy, happy life - all at the same time?

Imagine that you’re doing some repair work on your house, you’re working on the walls, the roof, the floors, the windows. But what if there’s a problem at the foundation of the house that’s causing cracks to appear on the upper part of it?

What is outlined below are some of the foundations. If you look after these areas, you’ll deter suffering. And if you’re experiencing turmoil – emotional and mental (and even physical sometimes) and are looking to fix the symptoms but neglect to take care of these foundational aspects, you will not solve much of anything. Not long term anyway.

If you’re interested, read on. We’ll start with what I call the mother of all – awakedness or awareness.

Awareness

Many of us live our lives in a sort of a dream-like state. Tragically unaware of our own condition - patterns of behavior, emotions, needs, destructive believes, internal blocks – which often cause us to contribute to our own problems. This is why, self-awareness is the first step to health and wellbeing. Being aware means that we can remove parts of ourselves that work against our own interests, as well as build a life based on our personal values, needs and desires. Then there’s another layer of awareness which is external. I call it outer awareness, that is awareness about life and the signs and lessons through which it nudges us to grow. When we learn to identify what is happening within us and around us, and make changes based on that, we’re spared a lot of the emotional distress, mental health issues and even somatic disease.?

Conscious choice of perspective

How is it possible that two people who have been through the exact same difficult or tragic circumstances go on to live completely different lives? One is defined by the difficulty he/she endured, using it as a justification for a miserable existence and his/her failures. The other, having used the difficulty for character building, creates a meaningful and happy life. It’s all about perspective. Everything in life is perspective. Our whole experience of life is defined by how we perceive what is happening. Some perspectives are destructive, i.e. I am a victim of what happened to me, others are constructive, i.e. Wow, I must be really tough to have survived this. We tend to go for victimhood naturally and often unconsciously. That’s why self-awareness is so critical to how we experience life. Victimhood is the seemingly easier path but it usually ends up costing us a painful, disempowered and miserable life.

Balance

Life is a continuous dance of giving and receiving, scrap one and the hell breaks loose. Test it with something simple, like breathing. Can you only inhale? Can you only exhale? Nah. Yet, when it comes to more sophisticated areas of our lives, we often place emphasis on one side of the equation only – usually receiving. I am not loved enough. Well, how much love are you giving others? Paradoxically, when we turn to giving, our own cup is filled somehow. This may be one the greatest magic tricks of life.

It’s worth noting that reversing the focus to only giving is just as detrimental. We take care of others but we also need to take care of ourselves. We enjoy the pleasures of life but we need some obligations and responsibilities too. We consume /i.e. food, information, entertainment/, but we also need to be creative in some shape or form in our lives as well. We need to receive love but we need to give love too – it’s a fundamental need, that is often ignored. We shouldn’t be too consumed by our own internal problems, life, desires or misery but look outwards as well – paradoxically, this makes our own life better. Viktor Frankl, the founder of logotherapy, calls this self-transcendence – an amazing tool for relieving suffering due to mental health illness and building a fulfilling life.

Break the balance in any area of your life, and you’re bound to suffer.

Human connection

Since the beginning of time, we’ve existed in some sort of communities. Social contact and the sharing of ideas, laughs, knowledge, moments, and even just energy with another human being is essential for mental health. A very trivial example, but think about watching a funny movie alone and with someone else. In what scenario would you laugh harder? I bet you it’s the second one. It’s true that human relations are complex, they require compromise, patience, understanding, tolerance. But they are an irreplaceable element of the mix that makes us healthy and happy beings.? And honestly, they are a necessity too. No one can exist alone – even if just because of the unavoidable conditions of life such as old age. Admittedly, some people need less human connection compared to others, but wherever you fall on the spectrum having some healthy relationships in your life is an absolute must.

Meaning

Ah we came it to, the holy grail of life... Viktor Frankl believed that man has a fundamental need for meaning in life. And that the frustration of that need leads to unhappiness and often mental illness. I agree. Unlike animals who lack the consciousness to recognise their own mortality, we do need to make sense of our existence because of that awareness indeed. It’s somehow unbearable to think that there’s no point in going through all the trouble that is life. With all its joys and magic, let’s face it, life is riddled with confusion and pain. The presence of meaning is what makes it bearable, gives substance to our existence and ultimately makes the journey lighter and happier. Whether you see meaning in raising a family, developing a skill to help others, creating art, developing yourself, being of service in some way, shape or form, or whatever it may be, but you need to identify what gives meaning to your life and build a life around it or at least incorporate meaning into your life somehow.

I’ll leave you with a quote by psychologist Michael Eigen, which rings painfully true, but has the potential to liberate as well:

“We’re our own biggest tyrants and our own biggest slaves”