How to prevent a burnout. Tips you already know.

You know the stories. Successful manager from a big multinational company quits her job and moves to Bali to teach yoga. Another one does a barista course and opens a café. She looked like she had it all, fancy job title, money, achievements, respect, vacations. So what happened? Why the sudden change?

Such stories, they always annoyed me. Yes, annoyed. I know they shouldn’t, it’s other people, why should I care, plus I should respect their life choices. Not judge them, like they did something bad. Well, we are always honest in this newsletter, and I am sharing my honest feelings. And I did judge them, thought they were weak, for not managing the mythical work-life balance. When I have such shameful feelings, I tend to explore them. Of course they reflect more on my inner experiences than on what others are actually doing. I realized the annoyance came from fear, fear that I would end up the same. I always knew I was ambitious. And I always knew I wanted to enjoy my life as it goes. Not in a year, not after I achieve this or that, not when I retire. Now. I always wanted that balance. I wanted to have it all. And I mean ALL.

V: Welcome back Vicks!

v: Hello V (read as vi: ). Thanks. Good to see you again.

V: Always a pleasure. Shall we end the intro and continue with more meaningful questions?

v: Of course. I assume you want to ask how is my “having it ALL” going.

V: Why am I even here…

v: Because it would look weird if I just talked to myself.. oh wait..

V: Just answer the question.

v: Sorry. I was stalling. Truth is, I am failing miserably at having it ALL.

V: How is that possible? Didn’t you have a plan? A routine to follow? Don’t you do therapy and coaching and all the self-development precisely to avoid the pitfalls of a high-demanding job and over-achieving perfectionist personality?

v: Gee, can you be any more forthright? Yes, even with all of that I am failing. However, I believe we’ve already established here, that failure is not an end state. It’s just a learning stepping stone in your journey.

V: Ok Ms. Coelho. Let’s try to finally get to the topic here. How exactly are you failing?

v: Well. I had it all figured out, right? I know I work more than what regular work schedule is, and I work very intensely. But I have my free time to recover. I have gym, I meet with friends and family, I am mindful of me time when I need it. I read books, I watch TV series, I cook when I’m in a mood, eat as well (I consider eating my hobby), I travel and visit places. I regularly do lots of stuff that makes me happy. And yet, I got so exhausted I did what I?always considered a cowardly solution – I ran away. I traveled half way across the world to disconnect from my whole life.

V: To cure your burnout?

v: To prevent it. Burnout is such an overused word nowadays that is has lost meaning. Is it “just“ too much stress from work? Is it the same as depression? Or does it describe the end state, where you really are unable to do anything? I actually did some research this time, and theories vary and evolve. Which is good. Because when you really need help in form of medication, you want to get the right one, because biological bases of depression and burnout may differ. When talking about symptoms, they are very much the same for burnout and depression, and can range from mild to severe.

V: Let’s define the burnout for the purposes of this article then.

v: For me, burnout is the end state, as the name suggests. I would compare it to having a cold – you can experience symptoms, and treat them right and never get to that state when you need to lay in your bed for two weeks. (Ideally you don’t even get to symptoms because you eat well, exercise, take supplements, rest regularly.) Burnout for me is the same. If you notice the symptoms and treat them, you can avoid that scenario where you quit your job and do something completely else. ?So yes, I am constantly trying to prevent burnout.

V: Why is this even happening?

v: We are blaming toxic work culture that is nowadays super focused on always bigger achievements, not being supportive and compassionate enough, making the relationships impersonal and meaning of work absent. But burnout also appears because we started to want meanings in our jobs, we want to care. We want our jobs to fulfill us, to give us purpose in our lives, we build our identity based on our jobs, we want to contribute to creating a better society, or world, through our jobs. No wonder, at some point, it can be too much.

V: And by we, you mean you, I mean you mean us. (This is starting to be confusing).

v: Of course I mean primarily me. But I’m sure there are many others feeling like this, judging from reactions to this newsletter and various online articles. Not saying that all companies are toxic, but work and workplaces in general are different from what they used to be, which brought as many improvements as challenges. My experience with this, and confirmed by theories, is, that burnout is more likely to develop in people with particular personality traits, like perfectionism (I am), plus it’s strengthen when there are other stressors in the person’s life (there were many stressors in my personal life last year).

V: With all the stressors combined in quite a short period, no wonder your normal regulators didn’t work and you needed to disconnect more.

v: Yes, I truly needed to create the biggest physical distance possible, between my whole life and me. Hence the 2.5 week vacation in Costa Rica. I didn’t see any other way out. I could have gone anywhere, I know. But nothing, literally nothing reminded me of my regular life there. Everything was different; streets, trees, people, food, power outlets, rain, sunsets. I think I understand more now, those people leaving corporate jobs for yoga or coffee.

V: Life is funny, isn’t it? So what helped? What did you do there?

v: Honestly? Nothing out of ordinary, that I didn’t do at home. Again, supported by theories, the best things for treating stress and preventing burnout are mindfulness, therapy, exercise, yoga, meditation, walks, nature, self-care. I just had enough time to do it, I didn’t have much else to do, so I kind of had to do it. And it was pure joy. Waterfalls, sunsets, monsteras as trees do wonders for me. When you have all that free time, mind kind of settles, it realizes that things are actually good, that I am strong enough, and smart enough. For the past couple of months I spiraled into thinking “I messed up my life so badly”. There I finally got to the point, where I grew confident in my decisions and my ability to live authentic life.

V: Sounds like you should move there.

v: Haha, it had its disadvantages. Local climate wasn't really friendly to my hair. And, I still have the same core personality, ambitious overachiever. I couldn’t do this peaceful life forever. I remember vividly the anxiety I had during covid lockdowns, when I couldn’t go out and be around people and do stuff and be busy. You know, I have to admit, I didn’t only rest during the vacation. I studied Spanish for two weeks. 5 hours every day! Yeap, that’s how unable I am to rest only. But it was the perfect balance for me. That is what I am going to be striving for next, the perfect balance between doing everything and nothing.

V: Seems a bit like a never-ending struggle between being depressed/burnout and anxious.

v: You’re funny V. Let’s just work on it, day by day, shall we?

Afterword: You may ask, again, what was the point of all of this? How am I supposed to prevent burnout? The answer is, work on it every day. Balance your stressful life out with things that bring you joy. Do all those things you know you are supposed to be doing, but don't do because you think you don't have time. Take a longer break, when you feel that you need it, don't postpone for too long. I told you it's gonna be tips you already know. Just do them. (Or move to Bali, I won't judge you anymore :) ).

Tips from Vicks

Exercise – incorporate unilateral exercises into your training. By default, we have one side stronger than the other and these kind of exercises help to reduce the difference.

Food – Focus more on eating local and seasonal food.

Mindfulness – Imagine a lake, and a dragonfly flying over the lake. Give yourself couple of minutes to visualize as many details as possible.

Work – Check out Eisenhower matrix for time management. Old trick, yet still so useful.

Finance – Keep tabs on interest rate changes. Sometimes, you can get a lower interest rate for your mortgage “just because you’re a good long term client and you asked nicely”.

Woman of the month – Florence Nightingale. I?know about her since I was little, thanks to my mum. She was the founder of modern nursing, who reduced death rates by improving hygiene and living standards. What I didn’t know, until just couple of years back, is that she was also a pioneer in statistics, data analysis and data visualization. Continuing in the honest path here – she also disliked other women and didn’t think they were as capable as men. Sometimes our heroes are terribly mistaken in some of their opinions. So let this serve as a reminder, to not ever diminish other people based on their gender, race, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, etc.

Book of the month – Oliver Sacks: Gratitude. I am quite bad at being grateful. I know it sounds horrible, but for me, it’s like a skill I need to develop and train. And this book is just so inspirational and beautiful in that, that I just never want to give up on being grateful.

Intention for the next month – Remember your strengths.

Dance song of the month