How to Positively Motivate Yourself

How do you know what you're feeling?

How do you express it?

How does that make you feel to think about?

I hear you, it can be uncomfortable for many to even consider the word. And much of that is because we grew up in a cultural environment where for much of the 20th Century emotions were discarded. They were placed in the closet and deemed the “enemy” in the business world.

It's the old story, "Just take the emotion out of it, and you'll be successful".

But here's the truth...that was a wildly miscalculated lie and now we must recover from the damage it's done. Because the truth is, that is impossible.

That doesn't mean that cultural story went away overnight, it still reverberates throughout our work culture today. I still hear clients confused about how to handle delicate interpersonal situation, and when they feel stuck, they often resort to the engrained belief that if just they could turn of their emotions they would be good to go.

Not so fast. Our emotions are critical to our survival.

And breakthroughs in psychology, neurology, and contemplative practice have helped us develop tools to unleash well-being, calm, psychological growth, and spiritual realization. What we’ve learned is there is a better way to effect change in ourselves and others than fear, criticism, or judgement.

“We have probably learned more about the brain in the last 20 years than all of human history”

– Alan Leshner

A Better Way to Create Change

Who is the one person in the world you have the most power and control of?

Your future self.

But how have you been taught to motivate yourself to push beyond your current capabilities and become better?

Fear, criticism, or judgement.

Those are 3 emotions that our future self is not attracted to.

These are what Richard Boyatzis calls negative emotion attractors.

Richard Boyatzis is a Distinguished University Professor at Case Western Reserve University, and he has created Intentional Change Theory (ICT) to study how people and organizations engage in sustainable, desired change.

There are 2 ways you can frame the thoughts and conversation around change:

Positive OR Negative emotions.

Research shows that our emotions are contagious and much of the sharing of emotions happens at the subconscious level, such that we may not even realize it.

Negative Emotion Attractors

You guessed it have a negative effect on us.

They are generated by focusing our thinking more on our fears, our weaknesses or missed expectations. We typically think more about what we should be doing to become our future self, the actions that are expected to get there.

All of this has an intense impact on our bodies, triggering enhanced activity in the left, analytic brain and activating the sympathetic (“fight/flight”) nervous system.

Positive Emotion Attractors

These have a positive effect on us and help attract us to becoming better versions of ourselves with ease and flow.

PEA’s are generated by focusing our thinking or conversations on possibilities, optimism, dreams and hopes. We focus on our strengths and how they can benefit us or add to the excitement of trying new experiments or novel approaches.

The impact on our bodies is quite different. This approach activates the, right, empathic brain and the parasympathetic (“rest/relax”) nervous system.

Creating Intentional Change

Understanding that there is a better way to motivate ourselves to change, and it’s much more effective, is a paradigm shift. It puts to rest the stories that drive ‘hustle culture’ today.

Boyatzis’ Intentional Change Theory uses the concept of the ideal self to help take this fundamental understanding of change into practice.?

5?Steps:

1. Discover your ideal self

• Define who it is you want to become. If this is challenging start with envisioning who you don’t want to become.

2. Discover your real self

• Understanding where are you at in relation to you goal is critical and defining your current strengths, weaknesses and interests is key.

3.?????Create your learning agenda

• What do you need to do to get where you want to be? What skillsets, mindset shifts, goals and milestones will help you along the way? Think of it like you are training to run a marathon, but you must take it 1 mile at a time.

4.?????Experiment with and practice new habits

• Start small, be consistent. And read this for more.

5.?????Get support

• Who can support you on your journey? If you have a friend, co-worker or family member who is strong in this area look to them. If not, consider hiring a professionally certified coach

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Alex Barilec is an ICF Certified Professional Coach with a focus on health and well-being, and he is also the co-founder of The Mindful Health Collective. His mission is to help family-oriented professionals and entrepreneurs balance the personal and professional demands of living in the modern world. And he aims to accomplish his goal by helping you build a healthy life for you and your family using my superpower to help people maximize their potential.?

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