How Points Can Steal Our Joy and Control Our Lives

I tapped my phone screen, glancing at the tiny numbers that felt like they were ruling my life these days. Steps, likes, grades, even calories—everything reduced to points, measurements, some sort of proof. Every swipe, every beep, another way to quantify my worth. I didn’t mind at first; honestly, I thrived on it. The points kept me focused, disciplined, in control. Until they didn’t.

Take last Saturday night. My friends and I had planned a casual dinner—emphasis on casual. But the invitation text from Maddy read, “Wear something festive!” Festive? Was this a party, or was Maddy trying to throw in another level to the game, another rule to navigate? I stood in front of my mirror, staring at my closet, half-laughing, half-agonizing. How festive is too festive? Would jeans make me a slacker? A dress—too formal? In the end, I threw on a bright sweater, hoping I’d land somewhere in the “didn’t try too hard but made an effort” category. My mind spun through what I could only call points for social acceptance, the implicit ranking we’d probably never admit to.

The restaurant was louder than I expected, full of people whose lives seemed easier, lighter. As the evening wore on, though, I noticed my friends doing the same things I was—checking their phones, stealing glances at the other tables, all of us measuring, scoring, calculating something I couldn’t quite name. Were we having fun, or were we too busy tallying our worth, assessing each moment for its Instagram potential, dissecting how we fit in?

That night, lying in bed, the points spun around in my head, chasing each other in endless circles. It wasn’t just social media or calorie counts, and it wasn’t Maddy’s invitation. It was something deeper, like I’d let these numbers, these unspoken scores, take control of me. I was hooked on them—anything that promised validation or, if not that, at least a sense of direction. But they weren’t guiding me. They were distracting me from everything that actually felt like living.

The next morning, I did something small but felt huge. I left my phone on the nightstand, untouched, for the first few hours of the day. I wandered outside, just me and my own thoughts, walking without counting steps, noticing the trees and the fresh autumn air. No points, no measurements, just the sensation of being a person in the world, enjoying a few moments that didn’t require scoring.

I learned that points—those little measurable scores—can offer focus, even comfort, but they can also strip you of choice, quietly turning each day into a race for someone else’s approval.

The Hiddent Cost of Keeping Score

In today’s world, everything seems measurable. Points and scores permeate our lives: from social media likes and followers, to fitness goals, and even those “festive attire” guidelines on party invitations. On the surface, these metrics might look like helpful tools to track progress, offering validation or a sense of control. But at a deeper level, they can start to rule us—subtly shifting our focus from authentic experiences to chasing scores.

The Hidden Cost of Keeping Score

I realized the impact of this constant scorekeeping during what should’ve been a simple night out with friends. We planned a casual dinner, but a last-minute text threw me: “Wear something festive!” That simple prompt sent me into a spiral of questions: How do I dress without overdoing it? How do I fit in?

Standing in front of my closet, I realized how deeply ingrained my need for social approval had become. Even an outfit decision had turned into a points-based exercise, another silent ranking of “acceptable” choices. And as the night went on, I noticed the same unease in my friends—each of us occasionally checking our phones, caught in the grip of invisible scores and comparisons, measuring our fun and even our sense of self-worth.

Are Points Truly Helping Us Stay Focused?

Points aren’t just for games. Many of us depend on these scores to feel motivated, especially in our professional lives. Metrics offer clear feedback, a kind of immediate validation that can be satisfying. But when we begin to rely on external measurements as our guide, we run the risk of turning into passive observers of our own lives. Instead of consciously choosing our actions, we can fall into a loop of behaviors that align with the points others value—sacrificing our independence for their approval.

Too much focus on scores can bend us to fit expectations we might not even share, pushing us into a kind of robotic compliance, not unlike the early factory workers monitored by stopwatches on the assembly line. By seeking the highest score, we may actually reduce our freedom, turning ourselves into someone else's idea of “successful.”

Choosing Our Own Way Forward

That night after dinner, I began to question what all these scores and measures really meant. I saw how easily I’d let them shape my choices, sometimes without even realizing it. The next morning, I left my phone on my nightstand and went for a walk. I didn’t track my steps, nor did I share my experience online. I let myself simply be—without any points, grades, or measurements to validate the moment. Just me, a crisp autumn morning, and a few hours to reconnect with my own perspective, rather than the world’s.

Takeaway: Don’t Let Points Steal Your Agency

Metrics and scores can offer clarity, but they can also strip away our agency if we’re not careful. When we’re constantly measuring ourselves against someone else’s point system, we risk losing sight of what truly matters. Instead of defaulting to every available score, we should choose mindfully which measurements actually serve us and which distract us.

In a world where points can seem like the ultimate marker of progress, remember that you have the power to define what success truly looks like.

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This Article is Written by: ??Kim G.