How Philosophy Can Help You Welcome Everything That Happens To You
It’s sad to see people wasting their precious time and energy resisting the things they don’t want in their lives. Instead of welcoming them, they wish them away.
Things like…
What a waste!
But the wise person knows -- everything that has happened up to this very moment is unchangeable. It is set in stone. It couldn’t of happened any other way, because it happened the way it did. It can’t be different, because it’s the way it is. The opportunity to change the past has passed.
Instead of wishing things were different, they accept what happens to them and they get to work on influencing their future.
The Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius invites us to move beyond accepting our fate. He encourages us to welcome it.
“To welcome with affection what is sent by fate.” ~ Marcus Aurelius
When we welcome things instead of resisting them, we open ourselves to a world of opportunity. The opportunity to be happier. The opportunity to feel a greater sense of control over our lives. The opportunity to be empowered.
You see, when we allow ourselves to get upset over what has happened in the past, or resist what is happening in our present moment, we give up control. We are focusing on things we no longer have control over. But, if we turn our focus away from external events and towards on our internal response, we become empowered. We are focused on what we can control…our response to external events.
The real trick here is not to begrudgingly grit your teeth, put on a fake smile, and say “everything is just fine.” That still implies a degree of resistance. No, Marcus is telling us to “welcome?with affection” what fate has sent our way. It’s a beautiful mindset.
The German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche also spoke of welcoming everything that happens to us with his concept of Amor Fati. Like Marcus, he encourages us to not only welcome, but to?love, everything that happens to us.
“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.”
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What a beautiful way to live Marcus Aurelius and Friedrich Nietzsche are both offering us!
Yes, it’s tough to welcome things we never even wanted in the first place. After a lifetime of resisting, it seems like a foreign concept.
But, with practice, it becomes easier. And the effort is worth the reward.
Here’s a simple exercise that will help you look at what you are resisting from a different perspective and welcome it. It’s called?The Stoic Reframe.
Let’s say you’re asked to give a presentation to a group of people. You’re resisting giving the presentation. Write down the reasons you’re resisting it. Next, write it down all the benefits that can come from it. You’ll find that the opportunity to present is something you should accept because it has many benefits.
Here’s an example of what a Stoic Reframe might look like. This example is done in Excel, but I recommend doing with pen and paper.
By all means, reflect on the past and learn your lessons. Don’t make the same mistakes twice. But resist what is happening to you? Wish things were different than they are?
No and no.
Accept everything fate has sent your way? Welcome everything that has happened to you?
Yes and Yes!
Just imagine how much happier you will be when you learn to …
Welcome your fate!