How People-Pleasing Is Sabotaging Your Leadership Effectiveness

As leaders, many of us genuinely want to be liked and appreciated. It feels good to be seen as someone who’s approachable, agreeable, and understanding. But when this desire to please others goes unchecked, it can turn into a habit that undermines your ability to lead effectively.

Here’s how people-pleasing can get in the way of team leadership and why addressing it is critical:

1. Picking Up Slack Instead of Holding the Team Accountable

When a deadline is looming and your team is falling behind, do you step in and take over rather than ask for their help? This is a classic people-pleasing move. You might think you’re saving the day, but in reality, you’re training your team to expect you to pick up the slack. As a result, you end up constantly overworked and stressed out while your team becomes less accountable. Leadership requires holding the team accountable, even when it means asking them to work late or push harder to meet critical deadlines.

2. Difficulty Delegating

People-pleasers often struggle with delegating tasks. They fear overburdening their team or being seen as demanding. This leads to doing everything themselves. But when you don’t delegate, you’re not only overwhelming yourself – you’re also depriving your team members of opportunities to grow and develop new skills. Effective leaders understand the value of delegating with growth in mind.

3. Avoiding Tough Conversations

People-pleasing can also cause leaders to shy away from difficult conversations, especially with challenging team members. You might avoid addressing issues like poor performance or conflict, hoping they’ll resolve on their own. But this avoidance weakens team cohesion and respect. Leadership requires confronting issues head-on, even when the conversations are uncomfortable.

4. Preventing You from Leading with Heart

People-pleasing forces you to lead from fear – fear of rejection, fear of being disliked, fear of making others uncomfortable. But leading from the heart means being authentic, even when it’s hard. It’s about making decisions based on what’s best for the team and the project, not what will make you liked. When you prioritize pleasing others over doing what’s right, you rob yourself of the chance to lead with true purpose and integrity.

Being a great leader means embracing challenges, setting boundaries, and trusting your team to step up. It’s okay to want to be liked – but don’t let that stop you from being the leader your team needs.

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People-pleasing can have many roots, often stemming from early life experiences. As children, we may develop this attitude to gain approval from parents, teachers, or friends. The desire to be liked or avoid conflict can shape how we interact with others, carrying into adulthood, into our relationships, and eventually into our leadership roles. While the intention may be to create harmony, this attitude will backfire – sooner or later, especially in leadership. Recognizing where this tendency comes from is the first step toward breaking the cycle and reclaiming your ability to lead effectively.

There is a highly effective way to leave people-pleasing behind for good and step into your more confident and empowered self. Reach out if you feel a need to explore this. Also works for any other people-pleasing situations. ?

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