How parents unintentionally disempower their kids

(even while wanting the best for them)

Over the last few years, I've coached several parents who wanted to bring their lives to the next level.

There's one block parents often face. In this post, I'll share what it is, explain how it also impacts children, and offer an antidote.

Before we get there, let me start off by saying that going after our dreams inevitably means confronting fears, insecurities, and resistance—whether you're single or have a family to consider.

Why? Because to level up, we have to get out of our comfort zone. If it were easy, we’d already be at that next level.

The Core Block

But here’s the thing: Most of us have a hard time admitting that we're not starting our business, leaving a stale relationship, or going after our dreams because we're afraid.

Instead, we come up with rational-sounding stories or excuses for our lack of action. This feels much better than admitting that we’re afraid. (Although, it actually only feels better for a while; when we're lying on our deathbed realizing we’ve been hiding in our comfort zone our entire lives, it doesn't feel so good anymore.)

And there is a very common rational-sounding story (read: excuse) amongst parents…

How It Disempowers Children

Ever heard this? "I’d love to quit this draining job and start my own business, but I can't. I have kids." Or, "I know the love in our relationship is gone, but we’ll stay together for the sake of the kids."

What parents do for their kids! Sounds noble, right? Wrong. Here’s the issue: Children learn to settle for less instead of taking calculated risks from the very people they look up to—their parents.

Parents often say, "Follow your dreams," while letting their own fall by the wayside. That’s not how children learn. We need to lead by example.

Most parents wouldn't wish for their kids to stay in a loveless relationship or a soul-crushing job, yet they model just that.

The Antidote

So, should we avoid having kids to live our best life? No. The real solution is using our kids as catalysts to face fears, not as an excuse to stay in our comfort zones.

Want your kids to live a fulfilling, liberated life? Show them how. Demonstrate the value of taking calculated risks and how to recover from setbacks.

I recall a session early in my coaching career with a mom of two. She was using her kids as an excuse not to chase her dreams. When I pointed out what she was modeling, she had a huge wake-up moment.

Hopefully, this post sparks a similar "aha" for someone else out there.