How Parents Can Prepare Their First Generation Student for College
When we think of college readiness it's easy to think only in terms of academics but their is a social and emotional preparedness that needs to happen as well and this is where parents can be the most effective.
As a first generation college student I believe I was at a larger disadvantage than my peers but that's not to say most students start college with any clue what they are getting themselves into. However, it can be harder for parents who have never been to college to help their child set proper expectations when you don't really have a great idea yourself.
Whether it's simply how to survive your first, and usually only, 8 o'clock class your freshman year, or helping them be ready for the moment they get to make their own decisions about what time to come back to the dorm and actually hit the sack, these simple steps can help parents better prepare their children for the transition to college (semi-adulthood) whether you have previously attended college yourself or not.
1). Talk to your children about your desire for them to attend college. Children for the most part want to please their parents and simply knowing it is an expectation and not an exception will change the way they view their entire learning experience. Start as early as you can so the experiences they are having from the moment they start school are in preparation for them to attend college. You'll notice how quickly that sinks in and they will start mentioning to you what colleges they think they want to attend after graduating high school.
2). Be involved in the activities at school and other programs your child participates in. Basically children with parents, especially fathers, that are actively involved in their after/out of school programs alone have better grades and better overall behavior.
3). Stay on top of the grades and homework like it's your job, because, well basically, it is. Back to the idea that children want to please their parents, they are most likely not going to just share with you if they have a bad grade or are struggling in a class. It's a lot easier for them to have those conversations with you if you have always been involved in their school work. It's sometimes pointless and even inconsiderate of you as a parent to get involved only once the child is failing or falling behind. Any child is going to feel like "where you been all this time?"
4). Help with the assignments you can and get extra help with the assignments you can't. If you can afford a tutor to get that extra help for the subject your child struggles with, do it. We all need a little extra help sometimes. If you can't there are plenty of online tools like Khan Academy that can help them out.
I am terrible at math, I would actually be doing my child more harm than good by helping her but I didn't allow that to cripple her. She would go to her Dad who is much better at math than I am, Khan Academy when dad wasn't available, and now I am sure she leans on her peers much more.
Either way, don't neglect your child's education performance until they are doing bad. Start the journey and stick it out with them every step of the way. Celebrate the great accomplishments and don't allow them to accept 'good enough' as an acceptable standard. Whatever the expectation is, your child can meet it.
5). Don't disengage from the emotional and social aspects of school. School is where children become socialized and much of what they learn about how the world works will come of this socialization. Be there as a guide, to share advice, and ease some of the pain. There was a time you really didn't have to worry about too much drama until middle school but I started helping my child in 4th grade that then spilled over into 5th grade as two groups of girls were just dead set on making each others lives as difficult as possible.
Sometimes I was able to congratulate my daughter on handling a situation with much more maturity than was expected, and other times I had to share with her how dead wrong she actually was. Either way, I used those experiences as opportunities for her to learn from the choices she made. I didn't coddle her or try to shield her from the drama, it was a reality of life, one that would present itself many times over in life so why not start to practice the very useful tool of self reflection right away.
Share advice, be a guide, don't be overbearing when your child trust you enough to share those intimate stories, and never forget what it was like to be that age. Yes everything is a way bigger deal to them then it should be, but this is their life and yes those very minuscule, totally irrelevant interactions they have with their peers is super important to them. Don't minimize the impact by disregarding their importance to your child.
Finally, remember you are raising a young man or woman not a little boy or little girl. How you treat your child, the way you speak to them, your level of involvement in their lives shapes that young man or your woman. Parents become their child's inner voice, what we say to our children and how we interact with them will decide who they will be, and what they believe is possible for them to achieve.....its up to them to live that out or change it along the way.