How parenting with ADHD can unwittingly teach our kids to be people-pleasers

When you have ADHD and all-or-nothing thinking as a parent, your child may grow up believing they either succeed or fail; there’s a right way and a wrong way to do things.

They might feel you’re unhappy with them or could be at any moment. Your emotions might fluctuate between some flavor of angry and surfing the ebb and flow of euphoria.

It’s natural for kids to learn to keep others happy when the alternative feels like facing a flamethrower. This isn’t about pointing fingers; I’ve been there too and have made countless mistakes. I’m expecting to make many more.

It’s been said that when you know better, you do better. One way to know better is by learning from the experiences of others. Another way is by developing the ability to check in with yourself honestly and compassionately.

Imagine self-talk that feels like the support of a caring friend, instead of feeling bludgeoned in a dark corner of your mind.

What was I talking about again...

Right, all-or-nothing thinking. The flexibility we need to make thoughtful decisions, understand the nuances of emotions, and to go with the flow of life, [INHALE] is learned by someone demonstrating and perhaps instructing you on how to do so.

But remember, you can’t teach a skill you don’t have. Let’s work on understanding and developing these skills together, with patience and compassion.

We're in this together.