How parenthood shaped my leadership for the better.

Many managers still feel that parenthood meant that the parent ( mostly mother) lost out on the competitive world. Many women feel the same too sometimes. I beg to differ. Here's my why.

Prior,

Before being a parent, I recollect, I had two personalities. One at office, that was competitive, focused on what I needed to get ahead. One at home, the most enthused, affectionate member, ready to help.

Professionally, I was available and yet, had less tolerance to bad workman ship. Be it from a junior, peer or superior. If I did bad work, I was the first to call it out and rated myself accordingly. If I did good work, I could fight tooth and nail to not succumb to injustice or just plain biased management. I would take on as many challenges as I could, for me and the organisation to grow from it, and didnt matter who it was, wouldn'nt budge from saying what was true - to the senior mgmt or to the customer.

Personally, I had strong emotional moments, where I had many proud achievements. And still many times, I was upset that I still wasn't living to my potential , and not doing enough good for the world.This tended to sometimes going overboard to help people, get easily manipulated at work or get conned a few times over for trivial things. Still couldn't leave the traffic light without giving something to a less privileged kid. My heart would overfill easily watching those who had less, and then hurt ,when I couldn't spill it enough to people around.

Post

After my child was born, I knew what that feeling was. it had a name. Motherhood.

As my child polished the mother in me. I realised love is continous, no doubt. However its shape and state has to be according to the needs of the receiver. I could laugh, teach, love or chide, and it didn't mean I didn't love my child. It meant I was mature in my love and knew what was best and when.

1. Things were no longer black or white at work. I could now be more tolerant to my managers as well. It was okay that they didn't know or get it right every time. That they had biases and insecurities.
2. That being tough and straightforward, was actually more helpful, in the long term, rather than always sweet and amiable, insecure about making it through every relationship nicely.
3. That everyone didn't always see me the way I saw myself. That I didn't always have to prove myself perhaps because I had someone at home, everyday, who told me in so many ways, that I was enough.

Personally, I started giving less of my time and money. I started to think more on how to improve the systems (that led to inadequacies) rather than be effected by its outcomes alone. My love for the world had matured, and I was beginning to see more like a mother, with tough love for my child, rather than give in to every whims and whimpers, that didn't meet its expectations.

With my own teams and customer too, I loved them deeply across ( and they knew it), and yet, while bad work was not rewarded, I wasn't too hard on them either. They needed time. Much like any other kid, they needed to grow up to a higher level of understanding of work and life, rather for me, to lower my standards for them. All along, making sure they had all the necessities sorted, if not all the tantrums.

Over years, it just kept on teaching.

1. I learnt to equally love my projects and team members, realising each for what they were - different.
2. I didn't work for an organisation, I work with them for a greater cause, because I value my time outside of my parenting role, much more than before.
3. The many hours of not sleeping initially , and the still ever present nudge at the back of my head on how he is doing, helped me realise how much more I could do when somethings mean a lot to me. No complains then, and happy long bouts of work.

And many many others.

Now as entrepreneurial work demands more self motivation than previous employments, I still draw on my motherhood side - and love for what I do - to navigate the day smoothly.

For sure, I know these were breakthroughs for me. Ones that may have taken ages otherwise to come, from the linear emotional and mental pattern I was following. One of the best live life class on leadership I ever attended.

Concluding note

Hope this helps people, both- those looking forward to parenthood as a leadership progression, as well as those currently navigating through it, to know it was a great step in their careers !

p.s You don't have to be a parent to discover parenthood. You have to feel like a parent towards whatever cause you want to nurture with the team/ manager/org you have.