How to Parent During the Pandemic and Keep Your Family Happy

Pandemic Parenting

As a divorce attorney, I've worked with a lot of parents involved in disputes over child custody. The pandemic is only exacerbating these tensions. Here's some tips on how to keep your family happy and avoid ending up in my law office. 

Parents Communicate More During COVID-19

Are you communicating more with the other parent? With joint legal decision-making during the pandemic, going the extra mile to cooperate and communicate can help. Be willing to regularly consult the other parent about the child's doctor visits, religious services, counseling appointments, and educational decisions. With so many parenting decisions in flux these days, be reasonably flexible about these important matters. 

Make sure you are both on board with an emergency plan should one or both households be touched by illness or injury. The parent who has the child with him or her has authority to make immediate decisions in an emergency, but agreeing to a plan of action – in the event A, B, or C happens – will help save time, distress, and confusion.   

Keep Up Your Parenting Journal   

Is your parenting journal up to date? Even when everyone is getting along great in the best of times, keeping a parenting time journal is essential for smart co-parenting. Adults who genuinely do their best to follow the parenting plan will still encounter situations where actions are not so clear cut, especially in a pandemic. For example, if the other parent restricts your access to the child for fear of spreading coronavirus to a vulnerable member of the household, then be sure to document what happened in your journal. What seemed like overreaching before COVID-19 may not be so unreasonable now.

Parental Alienation Is Not in the Child's Best Interests

Do you suspect parental alienation? Some parties may attempt to use COVID-19 as a way to alienate the child from Mom or Dad. Parental alienation harms children and hurts families. Be proactive in preventing this behavior. Document your observations and communications with the other parent and with your son or daughter. Save social media posts, texts, emails, and the like to substantiate your concerns. If the other parent's gatekeeping seems excessive or you suspect parental alienation, talk to your attorney.  

How to Make COVID-19 Changes to Child Custody

Is a temporary modification to your parenting time schedule needed? Be mindful, your parenting plan is a court order to be followed. At the same time, dealing with parenting issues in a pandemic may necessitate changes. When you and the other parent agree to modify the schedule until routines become routine again, be sure to put your agreement in writing and sign it. That proof of an agreed change will go a long way toward settling a dispute about it later.  

To avoid custody litigation over COVID-19 logistics, agree to reasonable changes to the parenting plan. Do you travel internationally for work? Agree to temporarily modify the parenting time schedule with ample virtual visitation to allow for your travel and subsequent self-quarantine. Both parents should be generous with make-up parenting time. 

When agreement-based arrangements work out well for the child, either parent could petition the court to make them permanent. Be mindful, the parent seeking modified custody orders has the burden of proving a substantial and continuing change of circumstances.

Pandemic Home Life and Daycare Challenges

Will you or the other parent need more help with daycare? This is a good time to connect with extended family members and friends. Talk to people you trust about assisting with daycare and babysitting responsibilities. Should someone test positive for COVID-19 in either parent's household, or some other situation arises requiring immediate action, you'll have a GO TO list of people to call for child care. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, older siblings, church members, next-door neighbors -- get them lined up just in case. 

Update and Sync Family Schedules

Are you keeping up to date with everyone's schedules?  This school year will be like none other we've experienced – an educational mixed media extravaganza! Be creative. Cooperate and communicate with the other parent and your child about what is working and not working. Make improvements where you can. More than ever before, parents will need to adjust their personal schedules to accommodate the child's educational goals and requirements.  

Be sure your child has the equipment and set-up required at both parent's households so he or she transitions easily from one place to the other. This means having at least two work stations accessible and ready to go. Impress upon your child the importance of getting assignments done in a timely manner (especially with tweens and teens who'd rather be chatting with friends). Support your child, provide guidance, and communicate to overcome challenges. 

Stay informed of changes to school schedules and extracurricular activities, too. You don't want to miss out on anything. Do not rely exclusively on the other parent to keep you apprised of updates and added events – go directly to your school district's website. With after school plans, get scheduling updates from the source – visit the team's website, email the coach, call the youth pastor, and so on.

Choose Counseling to Help with Stress 

Have you considered counseling?  Coronavirus caution fatigue and micro-managing every hour of every day is stressful. Individual problems with anger management, excessive use of drugs or alcohol, anxiety and lack of sleep, these and other personal issues may be exacerbated by the pandemic. Be willing to seek counseling with a trusted advisor when you need help, could use some emotional support, or just need to bounce ideas off of someone who isn't locked down in the same household. 

Have you tried mediation? Parents who are struggling to handle their work schedules, social calendars, and parenting time responsibilities during the pandemic should try private mediation before resorting to court action. Mental health professionals are meeting with clients virtually (video-conferencing on Zoom, FaceTime, or Skype), as well as making appointments for face-to-face counseling. 

Consult a Child Custody Lawyer

Is it time to talk to a child custody lawyer? If a custody matter must be addressed, if the other parent is restricting contact or access, if you cannot agree to a temporary parenting plan change, then consult an attorney about your legal options. Sometimes a letter to the other parent (or parent's attorney) from your lawyer is enough to get things back on track. But sometimes it takes filing with the court. Know your options.

We've all been dealing with COVID-19 issues for some time now. That the pandemic is having an impact on children is a given. Do your best to work as a team to solve problems and co-parent effectively. Take the initiative to ensure your child maintains a good relationship with you and the other parent. 

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Scott David Stewart is founder of Stewart Law Group, which has been working with clients in the greater Phoenix since 2004, helping them with issues relating to child custody and support, collaborative divorce, paternity and grandparents’ rights and military issues relating to divorce. With over 100 years of combined experience in family law and estate planning, Stewart Law Group represents clients both inside and outside the courtroom as they make life-changing decisions. In addition to Phoenix, the firm has offices in Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, Peoria, Glendale, Gilbert and Mesa. For more information, visit: www.arizonalawgroup.com