How The Pain Restricted My Daily Living

When I had conventional chiropractic treatment, this was helpful, in that laser therapy temporarily relieved the pain in the area I felt. I used to go for long walks thinking this would relieve my pain, which started to burn in the right calf of my leg. I was feeling frustrated and angry, each time as the pain didn't go as I wanted instant relief. The pain could be felt in my pelvis now, and I used to suffer with numbness in my right big toe. Tingling sensations, along with numbness in my right arm, were just a few of the symptoms that kept me fearful.?

I remembered when I used to walk with my neighbour now and then to support me, and having to sit on the kerb of the pavement, as the pain would be unbearable. A neighbour across the road had noticed me on one occasion, when I did sit down on the pavement, and told me that she could see I was walking with a limp. I told her I had hip pain, among other pains on my right side. She told me a story of her friend who had hip surgery, and I kept thinking this was the last thing I wanted to hear. I just went “oh really, that’s a shame”. Her own husband had two to three back surgeries, which left him completely out of action 6 months at a time.

I thought this will not be me, however at the same time, my nervous system was not calm, and my brain kept me thinking and feeling pain, along with fear. I was distraught inside. I asked all about the neighbour’s friend’s symptoms, wanting to know every last detail, to know if it was similar to mine, and whether I would be left with the only option of surgery. The word “surgery” kept on cropping up. She meant well, however she didn’t know the distressing emotions I was feeling.?

The effects of my sciatica continued, and started creeping into my everyday activities. When I used to jump out of bed, there used to be no prior thinking of how I would move my body, as this was a normal every day activity. Due to the severe sciatic pain I was experiencing, I had to think of a process. I could not even visualise at that moment in time that this would be a possibility.?It was about being careful, to not aggravate increased pain.?I would roll onto my side, then fearful I would hurt myself, slowly arise. Then I would use my left arm to manoeuvre myself to stand, albeit in a misaligned manner. This felt awful, I actually understood how it felt for someone that had difficulty getting out of bed, I could understand the anguish, the sadness of the pain debilitating the body.?

I soon realised I could not sleep on my soft lovely mattress on my bed, the pain was unbearable, and it didn’t matter, if I was on my side, my back, or my front, it hurt intensely. I was resorted to the hard floor, and it brought me back to a time when my father endured back pain, and was unable to go to work for two weeks. He was housebound and frustrated. I understood now why people slept on the floor, if they could, it was the only type of relief, if any that they could get.

I would meditate, listening to some yoga nidra, and pray to god to help me through this difficult time, and to provide me with strength, to do it for my children, they needed their mother. It never mattered as I could not sleep. I tried Ibuprofen to help me sleep at night, and it never relieved my pain. I had painkillers that were prescribed to me via the doctor, and were still at the pharmacy waiting to be collected. I decided that I would not take them. I had to go through this searing pain, and focus my energy on the mind, this is where the work needed to be done. I used to cry at night, and I just wanted to be taken to A&E at the hospital, I wanted an injection, some relief, something to take the pain away. Not being aware of what was happening in my brain, and nervous system kept me in turmoil.

The mornings I could barely keep my eyes open, crawling on the floor, my children wanting me to hold them, and I could not even gain the strength to stand up. The pain was that bad I could not sit on a hard chair, the nerve pain hurt so much, lying on the floor gave slight relief, but it didn’t matter. Every day the brain kept on signalling pain. I was looking after my 7 month old son, however my husband had to look after him at night. I was focused on my pain, my loneliness, my soul searching, my victim mode as to why this was happening to me, and that nobody understood.

I could not stand to brush my teeth, and had to sit on the toilet, and I really missed not being able to stand up to enjoy a quick shower to relieve my tension. Having a bath was painful as the salts caused the pain to heighten, along with not being able to lie in the bath. I didn't want help from anyone. The pain made my skin break out in acne. I sweated as I was using extra energy to relieve my pain when walking or standing. Just the exertion of carrying out what was perceived as a simple activity was exhausting, and left me in agony.

When I joined a few support groups on Facebook that were TMS sufferers, and understood the concept of the tension mind/body syndrome, I was grateful that I was not alone in this journey. I was going to overcome this as I knew I had to tell my brain that it does not matter I have the pain, I will be doing all of the activities I once did and more, and most importantly enjoy life. I was determined to show my brain I was going to win the neurological battle.

Chronic pain can lead to isolation and loneliness, as it’s difficult to get out, with restricted mobility, withdrawing into themselves, and you’re left very vulnerable when leaving the house. Dr David Hanscom, the author of Do You Really Need Spine Surgery? Started to realise the correlation between our emotions, such as anxiety, PTSD and chronic pain, and to really understand whether sufferers really needed surgery or not.

3 key takeaways:

1. Tell your brain out loud that the pain you are feeling is emotional and not physical.
2. Identify through journalling for 15/20 minutes a day what emotions are triggering your pain, and in what circumstances, i.e. work, relationships etc.
3. Believe that the pain you’re feeling will go, even if it feels like there is no escape, and notice when there is slight relief from pain.