How Oxytocin (the “Love Hormone”) Affects Men and Women Differently
The biggest differences in how oxytocin affects men and woman differently are related to sex hormones and stress levels — and we don’t yet have research on the nuances and differentials for transgender people. There are benefits to boosting your own oxytocin levels, but these nuances must be considered.
The most practical difference that you will notice when boosting oxytocin is that a large surge of it will often leave a woman feeling charged (wanting to be attentive to social bonds in the form of care-giving, cuddling, etc.) and leave men feeling sleepy or drained.
In women, oxytocin surges in huge amounts during (and building up to) orgasms, child-birth, and breast-feeding. In the latter two examples, it serves an important role in the processes themselves (contracting the uterus during childbirth and releasing milk during breast-feeding) and in the emotional impact it has on the mother (to bond with her child).
Oxytocin also plays an integral and nuanced role in regulating estrogen and progesterone levels. For women, high levels of these hormones are associated with decreased levels of cortisol and decreased overall stress levels.
That is NOT the case for men. High levels of estrogen, progesterone, and oxytocin will increase levels of cortisol in men and, therefore, increase feelings of stress. The combination surge of those four hormones will cause men to feel very emotional, to act moody, and (often) to act overly aggressive.
This is not to say that men shouldn’t perform bonding activities that produce oxytocin, estrogen, and progesterone. It is to say that men need to be aware enough to balance those bonding behaviors with testosterone-producing behaviors that drive down cortisol levels. Women require this balance too, but overdoing the oxytocin behaviors won’t produce the same stress response in women that it does in men.
One last caveat: Oxytocin has a half life of only 3 minutes. It acts quickly but not for very long. This makes the ability to make, store, and efficiently use it especially important. It doesn’t have long to do what it needs to do.
In my next article I will get to the good stuff: What are the practical applicable things you can do to understand and influence your own oxytocin levels (shy of giving birth to a baby)?