How to OWN your differences in life and in entrepreneurship

Imagine a world where ??

Your strength isn’t aggression ????

Your resilience isn’t a threat ???

Your drive isn’t intimidating ??

Your faith isn’t fictitious ??

Your exuberance isn’t overwhelming ?

Your optimism isn’t naiveté ??

Your honesty isn’t problematic ?

Your integrity isn’t dull ??

Your authenticity isn’t disruptive ??

Your creativity isn’t wishful thinking ??

Your compassion isn’t weakness ??

~ Surayya Walters?

“I’m different, yeah I’m different” - 2 Chainz?

What makes you unpopular in high school might be the thing that makes you really successful in life. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how our strengths - the God-given talents and superpowers - can be discouraged by others who do not fully understand us. Think about the young child with a natural talent and curiosity for sciences who was called “nerdy” and turned away from those interests due to shame. Or the teenager who had a gift for words and a penchant for literature who traded her reading habit for other activities because she didn’t feel “cool enough.” Unfortunately, the tropes and storylines played out in our childhood can impact our lives and endeavors far past those formative days. Yes, high school can affect you far more than watching those High School Musical reruns can. I’ve witnessed many individuals deny their gifts and talents simply because those in their direct environment couldn’t envision the possibilities if they actualized them. Over time, my understanding of these issues graced topics such as othering and belonging, entrepreneurship and being different, and how to leverage your differences in business.?

Each person is a painter, painting their own subjective version of reality.

Each person is a painter, painting their own subjective version of reality. If you’ve ever taken an art class, you are often given a prompt to create a piece of art from - just a prompt, no clear instructions. How you interpret that prompt is only limited by the depths of your own imagination. What if I told you that life is the same way? Everyone is coloring their reality how they see fit. This goes back to the age-old adage “a glass half full or half empty,” which infers that what one person might view as a negative trait, another views positively. One's yellow is another’s red or blue. We use different colors to define our experiences and textures to describe our feelings and paint a completely different painting from another person. Using the same artistic prompt, there are two different experiences and interpretations stemming from a shared experience or reality. However, it is the perception that creates the uniqueness.?

Othering, Belonging, and Embracing Your Differences?

Growing up, you are hyper-focused on fitting in. College was the same way for many of us. You don’t want to stand out. You want to be amongst the in-crowd and be viewed as someone who belongs.

I’m fortunate to have graduated from college two years ago. In those two years, I started to view my uniqueness from different vantage points, and as my reality changed, so did my perspective. Growing up, you are hyper-focused on fitting in. College was the same way for many of us. You don’t want to stand out. You want to be amongst the in-crowd and be viewed as someone who belongs. Fitting in takes center stage because of our need for belonging. As humans, we want to belong. In fact, belonging is very crucial to our psychological well-being. Maslow places belonging on the hierarchy of needs for a reason. When you are younger, your belonging is your first and foremost priority. You look for friends who will understand you, join clubs that help you meet like-minded individuals, and even choose a specific workplace to gain a sense of teamwork and camaraderie. Even if we have to compromise the defining parts of who we are - our personalities, values, and morals- we do so to gain the acceptance and approval of others.

Even if we have to compromise the defining parts of who we are - our personalities, values, and morals- we do so to gain the very acceptance and approval of others.

As I moved through life, I realized that belonging was often contingent upon how well we conformed to a particular standard or, in some cases, a specific aesthetic. If we didn’t want to experience the opposite of belonging- othering - we played by the rules set for us. The work of the diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) field and their increased focus on belonging speaks to how belonging can reinforce both social regulation and social exclusion. For example, employees in particular fields report a lack of belonging due to their minority status. While there are differences that our eyes can perceive, there are other differences that are more implicit, such as differences in personality, values, or even mannerisms. I would be a millionaire if I received a dollar every time someone told me they were teased growing up for looking or acting “different.” Whether it was their clothes, skin color, or otherwise - their peers didn’t fail to remind them that they defied normality. Now I know what you’re thinking, what does the concept of othering vs. belonging have to do with embracing our differences?

The very paradox of life is that we spend our time in education learning that our success is based on our ability to conform to existing standards of excellence instead of superseding them.

This continuum between othering and belonging can keep us stuck to living a life that wasn’t truly meant for us. In life, there are in-groups and out-groups. If we follow the rules or conform to the standard set, we are in If we don't, we're out. We must follow social rules to land that prestigious job or gain acceptance into that exclusive networking group. For those of us who grew up chasing every A+, the Type A “overachiever” types that might flock to a social network like LinkedIn, this need to hunt, please, and can stop us from embracing our true superpower: what makes us different. The very paradox of life is that we spend our time in education learning that our success is based on our ability to conform to existing standards of excellence and meet or supersede them. However, after college, our ability to achieve outsized success is primarily based on our vision, values, originality, and work ethic - all of which can be attributed to difference. This is the mental shift I needed to make to become an entrepreneur. I had to learn to own my differences and embrace my uniqueness to fully step into my power.?

However, after college, our ability to achieve outsized success is primarily based on our vision, values, originality, and work ethic - all of which can be attributed to difference. This is the mental shift I needed to make to become an entrepreneur. I had to learn to own my differences and embrace my uniqueness to fully step into my power.?

Entrepreneurship and Being Different?

I attended an undergraduate business program. Before business school, I was one of those children that cared about achievement. I wanted the A’s, the awards, and the validation. However, college was a wake-up call for me about the perils of not accepting your uniqueness or unique vision. I saw peers recruit for jobs they didn’t want to appease others. I saw individuals sign up for work that did not with their identities. Witnessing this disconnect, I quickly learned to first define success for myself and then set out to pursue that. Success can become a hamster wheel. When we begin craving validation, we jump through so many hoops that we lose sight of what makes us unique. We lose sight of focusing on what we can uniquely do: fulfill our purpose in the earth. My faith tells me that when I was in my mother’s womb, God knew me (Jeremiah 1:5). My faith also reinforces that God knows the plans that he has for me, to give me a future and hope (Jeremiah 29:11). Both of these verses speak to an individualized purpose that goes beyond societal norms. A predestined will for our lives that is ours - and ours only - to fulfill. Getting to this level requires us to be intimately acquainted with our differences and unafraid to show them and live them out loud.?

Getting to this level requires us to be intimately acquainted with our differences and unafraid to show them and live them out loud.?

In college, I dealt with disparaging comments about my career interests; others wondered if my visionary leanings or creative bent would amount to anything. I heard the comments about being impractical and a “dreamer.” Those aren’t the compliments you want to hear when you attend a business school. When you are taught to read P&L statements and perform cost-benefit analyses, it can seem like an algorithm controls your future. What are the odds of success? How can I maximize returns and reduce risk? Well, the real world doesn’t work like that. We can perform all the calculations, and the outcome will still be the opposite of what we expected. We can define success with an algorithm and still be quite unhappy. Equations aren’t human. They aren’t God. They can’t determine anything beyond what our present knowledge shows us. There is still a lot about the world that we have yet to discover. Similarly, greatness within us has yet to be found - only if we could stop being insecure about our differences and start OWNING them.?

Similarly, greatness within us has yet to be found - only if we could stop being insecure about our differences and start OWNING them.?

The Power of Being Different in Business?

In business, I had to shift from looking to conform to existing standards to actively seeking to challenge the status quo. I had to change from looking for an employer to hire me to learning to accept myself, my flaws, and all. I made the mental leap from concerning myself with how my resume looks to asking myself whether I am fully dedicating myself to my purpose. Instead of living for the opinions of others, my purpose began to take center stage. Don’t make your desire to belong be your cage. The very things you were teased for growing up are your superpowers, traits that will propel you into to success. For example, what one sees as hardworking, another might see as “intense.” Who’s to say that your intensity is a bad thing? This March, I’m challenging myself to learn how to turn the misunderstood parts of myself into my greatest strengths. I challenge anyone reading this to do the same.?

The very things (traits, characteristics, etc.) you were teased for growing up are your superpowers, traits that will propel you into to success.

This March, I want you to ask yourself a couple of questions:?

1. What were the dominant messages I received growing up about worth, beauty, status, or success? Which of those constructs served me? Which didn’t??
2. What are some things that I was shamed for growing up that actually might be my human superpowers??
3. How can I reclaim the aspects of my personality that might have resulted in me being misunderstood or othered??
4. How can my commitment to authenticity encourage others to embrace their quirks and eccentricities for good? ?

Your differences are never a liability but a chance to make a difference, introduce a new perspective, or even create change. It is time for you to reclaim the parts of yourself that were misunderstood or undervalued. Like 2 Chainz, you can stand in your differences and celebrate them for the world to see. Don’t let us miss out on your innate greatness; be bold and be different. Don’t mind others if they don’t understand now; the world will thank you for your contributions later.

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To learn more about Surayya's story and her content creation efforts, visit

www.surayyaverse.com

She is on all major socials (Tik Tok, LinkedIn, etc.) at @surayyaverse.