How to Overcome Your Fear of Success

Redefining Fear to Achieve Success

More than 240 years ago, Thomas Jefferson wrote a document in which he said that all [people] have the right to the "pursuit of happiness" among other things. Now, more than 240 years after he penned those words, it seems more and more people are finding a happiness hack that accelerates them toward success.

Within the last several months, I've had at least three friends who have gone from struggling to keep their side businesses alive while working on the side to making five-digit figures a month. I know other people who have gone from working on their side gigs and in part time jobs to becoming millionaires and multi-millionaires within a decade or less.

From the perspective of those who have not achieved that success yet, it is easy to assume the mark of a successful person is the almighty dollar. But I don't think it is. Last week, I went to an event where one of those people I know who has managed to accelerate himself toward said success said he doesn't even know how much money he has in his bank account.

Unfortunately, for many people, there is an emotional attachment to money that keeps them from seeing the success they strive to achieve. But am I more successful than someone else because I have more money than them? Is money a universal barometer for success? I believe the universal barometer for success is the ability to live the life one wants without worry of money.

Though in order to grasp, not just understand, but to grasp, that money is not the universal barometer of success, one must define for themselves what it means to them to be successful. That means they must take a personal inventory to see what, if any, objects there are in their life to which they hold an emotional attachment keeping them from living out that successful life.

As I said, for most people, that object is money. The more a person can live apart from their money, or any other object to which they are emotionally attached, and continue to pursue their interests, the more they will become emotionally detached from what is keeping them from living a successful life. And let's face it, the emotion a person is most likely to feel when they let go of whatever they are emotionally attached to is fear.

Though, whether the object you are emotionally attached to is money, an unhealthy relationship, or something else, your fear of letting go of that thing is keeping you from achieving success. But it's important to define what a successful life looks like to you. And don't say you define a more successful life by having more money because every successful person in the world knows the value of giving up money.

Below are some keys to helping you to overcome fear, so you can let go of those emotional attachments and live out that successful life.

11 Keys to Overcoming Fear

Reframe Fear

After I graduated from college, I took a bold step and moved to Boston. I knew a couple of people who lived in the area, but they were not good friends of min. One lived in Cambridge and the other in Beverly (north of Boston). In the five or so years I had known them I spent an accumulative of about 24 hours with each of them. And those 24 hours were always in group settings. I moved out there with no close friends, family, or job or prospect of a job. I moved out there with $2,000 in my pocket and a passion for getting to know the city better.

Looking back on my decision to move 3,000 miles from home, I sometimes wonder what compelled me to go against all odds and move away from the security of life in San Diego. I've learned to live life by living forward. By that, I mean when I am faced with making a major life decision, I think ahead in my life. I consider how I would look back if I don't make that decision, and I consider how I would look back if I do make that decision.

When I was about 10, I made the decision that one day I would live in New England. Then, the closer I got to graduating from college with my degree in Literature, the more that passion for moving to New England became a passion for moving to Boston. It only made sense that I would move to the place I considered the Mecca of U.S. Literature.

After two years of living in Boston, I moved back to San Diego, but I came back accomplishing what I set out to accomplish. I came back deciding that living in Boston was not the life I wanted to live. I came back with the skills to begin to live out a life toward success in San Diego. I came back with a new mindset.

On the day I moved to Boston, I could have chosen one of two emotions. I could have given into the fear of moving 3,000 miles away, or I could have chosen to be excited about the opportunities that lie ahead of me. I could have chosen either of those emotions the day I called my mother and my landlord to tell them of my decision.

When we look at our choices in life, we can either get excited about the possibilities that lie ahead of us, or we can allow the fear of letting go of our emotional attachments keep us from moving closer to living out a successful life. But pursuing success comes with the cost of not allowing fear to dictate our indecision. It's important to live life forward, not fearing those smart risks that will lead us closer to living a successful life.

Get an Anchor Thought

When you are faced with those big life decisions, part of living your life toward success means getting a vision of how you want your life to look after you make that decision. Getting an anchor thought doesn't mean living inside of your head, but it does mean visualizing what a successful life will look like to you. It means imagining the life you want to live because of that decision, and using that anchor thought to pull you closer to living out a successful life.

Of course, not every vision you set before you will become a reality. The Secret is a fraud. You can't think your way toward success, but you can use visualization a successful life and frame a new reality. Your brain doesn't know the difference between what you see and what you visualize. But it is better to anchor your thoughts with more attainable goals. Those attainable goals should act to propel you toward taht successful life you envision.

Develop Successful Habits

Recently, I wrote a blog on the importance of habits. In fact, late last year, I wrote an entire series on the importance of developing habits to move your personal needle toward success. It's important to associate oneself with successful people, and yes those people do have an impact on whether a person moves that needle closer to success or stays stagnant, but I am a firm believe that habits are more important.

In that blog, I challenge the cultural cliche that everyone is the average of the five people with whom they spend the most time. Even if, after reading that blog, you still think you are the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time, guess what? Unless you get into the habit of leaving your house and going to a specific place every week to meet with those five people, their habits won't rub off on you.

When it comes to overcoming fear to achieve success, it is important to surround ourselves with the right people, but it is more important to develop habits that will lead us closer to living out a successful life. There are people all over the world who surround themselves with people who are more successful than themselves everyday, but many of those people never strive to attain to the level of success of those people.

Recently, I went to the Billion Dollar Body Conference in San Diego with Nicholas Bayerle. One of the speakers mentioned (I think it was Nicholas or Jordan Harbinger, but don't quote me) that they surrounded themselves with people more successful than themselves, but whoever said it went one step further. They said they adopted many of the habits and mannerisms as those people.

Once you envision the successful life you want to live, you must decide what habits you need to establish in order to achieve that success. Copying the habits of successful people is important, but it's also important to learn from and copy the habits of successful people who may never meet. It's important to listen to the right podcasts, read the right books and articles, watch the right videos, and just follow the right infuencers.

Though, along with learning from and copying the habits of people who have achieve success ahead of you, it's also important that you decide what success looks like to you. You might consider publishing a book a benchmark of success, but dreaming about writing a book isn't going to write that book for you. Don't wait to find out how one those influencers you follow wrote their book (they probably hired a ghost writer). Figure out what habits you need to establish to get that book written, and then make those habits habitual.

Set a Success Schedule

Every day, we are faced with multiple tasks begging to get done, but the reality is not all of those tasks need to get done right away. Several months ago, I read One Thing by Gary W. Keller and Jay Papasan. They talk about the importance of doing first things first, or making sure to prioritize your day by doing those things first that will have the greatest impact on your brand and lead you closer to living out that successful life.

For instance, in my own success schedule, I leave most business meetings and phone calls for the afternoon. I give more priority for phone calls and meetings with partners and potential partners, because those will help to sustain my brand. But I reserve my phone calls with clients for the afternoon. Setting my success schedule in this way sets me and my clients up for success, because I have those branding tasks out of the way for the day. That allows me to focus more on helping them, so I can help them to create a successful life.

When setting your success schedule, it is also important to consider what in that schedule will be the most menial. Do the most menial tasks that will have the greatest impact on your brand first, but leave doing your laundry for the weekend. You will need to decide what those tasks are that will not lead you closer to success, but don't second guess yourself. I usually write my emails at the end of the day, but I save them in my drafts folders to send out the next day.

By writing emails at the end of the day, but not replying until I revise them the following morning, I am revising with a fresh perspective. There is a better chance of those emails being seen because they are at or closer to the top of the person's inbox when I send them.

Though, know your success schedule means nothing unless you become determine to follow it, and then you actually follow it.

Plan for Obstacles to Success

While an important step in acheiving success is envisioning success, it is also important to plan for obstacles. The reason a calculated risk is called a calculated risk is because calculating it means factoring in every possible scenario that could go wrong, You not only want to plan for what could go wrong, but you also want to plan for how you will react if something does go wrong.

Of course, even if you plan for every possible obstacle to occur, there is no possible way you could know every possible obstacle that could occur. You might have an idea that an employee is going to quit, a client is not going to pay you on time, your spouse is going to ask you for a divorce, or one of thousands of other possible scenarios. But sometimes, it can be so easy for you to get so caught up in your pursuits of the success that you don't pay attention to the clues that those obstacles will arise.

During the Billion Dollar Body conference, Joost (Pronounced 'Yoast') Jansen, a former member of SEAL Team 5 spoke at the Billion Dollar Body conference. He told a story about a mission he went on that was supposed to be a routine mission. But it turned out to be one in which him and the SEAL with him had some tough decisions to make. Joost mentioned that in the thick of the mission, when they needed to make a decision of how they were going to react, the played out all of the possible scenarios.

By knowing their mission, but preparing for any obstacle, Joost and his partner were able to get out of that tough situation and make it back to their base.

Don't Fear Failure

So, this is a huge one that keeps people from accomplishing, or even setting out to accomplish, their goals every day and living toward that successful life. That doesn't mean you shouldn't consider how not to repeat your mistakes or how you can do things better, but it does mean you shouldn't allow the past to keep you from moving toward living that successful life.

Using your setbacks and failures as a barometer of your potential success is like a foreman of a construction crew determining how high a building will be according to how deep the hole they dig. The higher the building needs to go the deeper you need to dig the hole, and the more successful you want to be the more mistakes you will probably make along the way. But thinking that the hole of mistakes you made is so deep that you can never acheive success would be like that foreman saying the hole they dug is so deep they could never build a skyscraper. You want the hole to be deeper, so it will support the towering edifice.

Oppose your Fear

Take action in direct opposition to your fear. Everyday. Make it a habit. If you fear walking up to that beautiful woman and asking her out, then show your fear who's boss. That's how my grandparents met. My grandfather saw the bell of the ball at a USO dance back in the early 1940's. He looked out over the dance floor from the balcony and told his buddies he was going to ask the prettiest girl there to dance. He did, and 30 plus years later I was born.

Below is a video in which the speaker talks about taking action in direct opposition to your fear. All you need to do is start the video at the 11 minute mark, and she will explain how taking action in direct opposition to our fears rewires our brain. By jumping out of that plane when your brain tells you it's afraid, or asking that beautiful woman out to dinner, you rewire your brain. You tell your brain that you are in charge, and your brain gets the hint.

Recognize Fear Before you Feel it

Several months ago, I read a book about asking ourselves 'Why?' five times in order to understand the deeper reason we do something. It's not easy to not do something at first. But stopping and asking yourself why you are or are not doing something will empower you. The ability to step outside of yourself and look at the situation objectively tells your subconscious mind that your conscious mind is in charge.

As you train your mind to stop before you eat that chocolate cake, make that impulse buy, or engage in that other bad habit, and then ask yourself 'Why?' five times, you engage your consciousness. Sometimes, your brain can get stuck on autopilot, When it does, you can allow your subconscious mind to maintain control or you can take control and create a new normal that will lead you toward that successful life you envision.

When you do this process enough, you will begin to recognize what your different emotions feel like. And the more you recognize what your emotions feel like, and you examine what led to those emotions, the more your conscious mind can take over your subconscious mind.

Whether you are feeling fear, apathy, doubt, or any other emotion, when you ask yourself why five times, you not only come to recognize those underlying emotions, but you also come to recognize the deeper issues that caused those emotions.

When you examine your mind and understand the root of your decision or indecision, you can rewire your brain to create a new normal. That doesn't mean you will rewire it the first time or everytime, but the more you engage your conscious mind in controlling your decisions the more your subconscious mind will recognize it's not in control.

Copy others Success and Create Opportunities

While you may not be the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time, learning from those five people you spend the most time with and using what you learn to create opportunities will allow you to excel toward living a more successful life. Of course, that is assuming you associate with successful people.

Over the past decade or so, more and more people have carved a niche in the coaching industry. They make a career by helping other people to get unstuck from living mundane lives, or to excel in their careers and lives, but seeking out the counsel of a business coach or life coah is pointless unless you imitate their habits.

Whether you work with a coach or you just have friends willing to give you good advice, when you feel stuck in your path toward success and need to overcome fear, they are great resources to help you overcome those obstacles. They may know of a better way of doing something, or they may just know that what you're doing and how you're doing it won't work.

Accept Failure as a Possibility

Another saying that has become a cultural cliche is "Not trying is the only type of failure" or variations of it. Different people have made that claim in different ways throughout modern times, but not accepting failure as a reality locks a person in a fear mindset.

Rcently, I overcame a fear of mine and did a short stand up comedy routine. It was totally on a whim. Comedian Tommy Barretz was the emcee at the recent Billion Dollar Body conference I went to, and one of the challenges of the weekend was to give a short comedy routine.

When Tommy asked for volunteers, I didn't hesitate to raise my hand. I knew that even though it was just 90 seconds on stage that I needed to engage my conscious mind and not allow my subconscious mind to take control.

When I got up there, I asked if anyone else was from Fallbrook, which is the small city where I live. I followed up by saying not many people know where it is and that I even sometimes need a GPS to get there. That got some laughs. I got some more laughs by comparing the conference to being on Fear Factor and Tommy Barretz to Joe Rogan.

At the end of the conference, I thanked Tommy for the experience, and I told him I planned on doing some more stand up. His advice to me was to "accept that not every joke will land." In other words, failure is always a possibility. The trick is to redefine failure as an opportunity to do better next time, rather than to allow your failures to keep us from pursuing and acheiving success.

Don't Fear Rejection

Much like failure, rejection is also always a possibility, but allowing the thought of other people saying "no" to us should not be an indication that they are rejecting you. And even if they are rejecting you, because they don't want to work with you, that doesn't mean you should allow fear to hold you back from approaching other people.

When it comes to fear, not doing something because of past rejection is a guaranteed way to not acheive success. The best way to overcome the fear of rejection is to just not care what your haters think, do, or say. That means you need to become "unfuckwithable," which is a term that first appeared in a meme online.

According to one definition, to be unfuckwithable happens "when you're truly at peace and in touch with yourself, and nothing anything anyone says or does bothers you, and no negativity or drama can touch you."

Don't Let Fear be a Factor

So, right now, don't care what other people think about you. Don't care how they define success. I believe the reason most people use success to measure success is that it is a universal standard by which people can attain more things. A bigger house. A nicer car. That more expensive dress. That trip to Europe. Or one of many other things. But marketers have deceived you into believing that achieving those things through more money will create happiness.

Unless you make the decision to emotionally detach from money or any other object you are using to define your happiness, you will never live that successful life you want to live.