How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure

Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try? Or has a fear of failure subconsciously, undermined your efforts to avoid the possibility of a more significant loss?

In the past weeks, we were creating an action plan with one of my clients for her side hustle. Out of a sudden she stopped and said: Emine, I am afraid to make this happen.

I asked, "why?"

“I think I am afraid of failing,” she said. This fear sounded so familiar… Since our time was up, we left the details of it to the next meeting and we are still working on it, but in this article, I'd like to l examine the fear of failure that I know very well from myself: What it means, what causes it, and how to overcome it to enjoy true success in work, and life.

Many of us have probably experienced this at one time or another. The fear of failing can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing and resist moving forward. But when we allow fear to stop our forward progress in life, we're likely to miss some great opportunities along the way.

As JK Rowling said,

It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.?

What's Fear Of Failure?

Fear of failure, also called atychiphobia, is a constant, overwhelming feeling of dread that accompanies the undertaking of projects or pursuit of life goals. People who live with atychiphobia often feel certain they will fail, even if that feeling is baseless. This sense of insecurity can interfere with their thoughts, emotions, and actions.

When kept in check, a healthy fear of failure can be positive and lead us to better plan, focus, and prepare. But when fear of failure grows out of control it can become paralyzing and isolating.

My question to you here is, what does failure mean to you?

Why am I asking this? Because everyone has different criteria, values, and belief systems regarding success or failure. What's yours?

Is it shaped according to your happiness and inner peace, or do you have a perception of success or failure because of the need for approval in society?

For example, sometimes we expect things to be perfect and successful in the first step. If there is a possibility that ever we're doing might not work, this is when the fear sneaks in and stop us. Sometimes we make excuses and postpone our dreams forever, and sometimes we lose our focus because of stress.

I mean, why don't we let our failures become a learning experience for us? Why do we hide behind this fear and let it keep us from doing the things that can move us forward to achieve our goals?

You may have heard of Michael Jordan's famous interview. He says;

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I was trusted and missed to take the game-winning shot. I've failed many times in my life. And that's why I'm successful."

7 Signs That Fear of Failure Is Holding You Back

• Believing that you don't have the skills or knowledge to achieve something
• Feeling like you won't be able to achieve your goals
• Procrastinating to the point that it affects your performance or ability to finish on time
• Telling people that you will probably fail so that expectations remain low
• Underestimating your abilities to avoid feeling let down
• Worrying that imperfections or shortcomings will make other people think less of you
• Worrying that you will disappoint others if you fail

Reasons

Fear of failure can have many different causes. Some potential causes are:

• Critical upbringing:?People who grew up in households that were not highly critical or supportive may be more likely to experience fear of failure. They may continue to fear making mistakes as adults because they felt they could never meet their parents' expectations in childhood.
• Definitions of failure:?People often have different definitions of what failure means. For some people, it means failing to do something exactly as they planned. For some, it may be an action in line with society's standards of success. This can create a set of expectations that are very difficult to live up to.
• Trauma:?People who have experienced a difficult or even traumatic failure may be very afraid of repeating the experience in the future. For example, having a panic attack during a presentation or being teased for your performance can add to the feeling of fear. Negative consequences from failure, such as losing a job or not getting into college, can also be risk factors that contribute to fear of failure.

The Impacts And Consequences of Fear of Failure

• Unwillingness to try new things or participate in challenging projects or tasks
• Self-handicapping – for example, procrastination, excessive anxiety, breaking the goals you have set for yourself, unable to continue
• Low self-esteem or self-confidence - mistaking other people for being smarter. I think imposter syndrome comes into play here.
• Perfectionism – A willingness to try only what you know will finish perfectly and successfully. According to scientific research, I agree. Fear of failure could also be related to being a perfectionist. This is because perfectionists have very high expectations and often have a nagging fear of these unrealistic standards.
• Learned helplessness
• Anxiety
• Low emotional resilience in some situations

What to do?

Well, what are we going to do, are we going to let this fear hold us back for the rest of our lives? Of course not.

First of all, it is helpful to remind ourselves regularly that; We always have a chance to fail in everything we do. We have to accept this. At the end of the day, what we learn becomes an experience for our next step. Therefore, it is important to see it as an opportunity to get better. This is an example of a growth mindset.

Also, the ways of thinking that I find useful to minimize this fear are as follows:

• Analyze all potential outcomes?– Many people experience fear of failure because they fear the unknown. Remove that fear by considering all of the potential outcomes of your decision.
• Learn to think more positively?– Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to build self-confidence and neutralize self-sabotage.
• Look at the worst-case scenario?– In some cases, the worst-case scenario may be genuinely disastrous, and it may be perfectly rational to fear failure. In other cases, however, this worst case may not be that bad, and recognizing this can help.
• Plan B??– If you're afraid of failing at something, having a "Plan B" in place can help you feel more confident about moving forward.
• Baby Steps:?Fear of failure can also prevent you from setting goals. But goals help us define where we want to go in life. You can start what you want to do or change by setting tiny goals.
• Visualize the outcome;?I also believe that visualization techniques are a powerful tool for goal setting. It is a method I use a lot in my coaching sessions. Imagine your life, feelings, and interactions with others after you reach your goal. But I always say that motivation is followed by action. You are motivated not by doing anything, but by starting work.
• This visualization part is not a formula that is valid for everyone/ Visualization may produce the opposite results in people who have an intense fear of failure. Some studies show that people with a fear of failure often remain in a strong negative mood after being asked to visualize goals and goal attainment.

Further reading & listening

• Elizabeth Day - How to Fail & Failosophy

Thanks for reading Mindfully Yours newsletter, I hope you enjoyed the topic. Here are some ways to access more mindful living tips:

→ Contact me if you're interested in working together on Mindfulness Coaching.

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Warmly,

Emine