How to overcome shyness.

Earlier this week I gave a speech to a high school civics class and during the speech I mentioned that I use to be a very shy person but not anymore. After the speech I gave them the opportunity for Q & A. One girl asked if I am still shy or if I would still consider myself a shy person.

My answer was not anymore and that if I was still shy I probably wouldn’t do what I am doing right now. I used to hate standing in front of people or in class to speak because of how shy I was. I would often try to hide so that I won't get called on to speak or get noticed. But at some point I started putting myself in those situations to help me deal with the shyness and it worked. Now I don't mind and I actually dress uniquely, like wearing pink shirts or ties so that I can stand out.

After the Q & A was over, she was asked by the teacher  to see me off because I didn't know my way out of the giant building lol. While we were walking, I asked if she was shy and she said yes. I then told her that is possible to stop it or at lease decrease it. But firstly, she must to stop worrying about what may people say or think about her, because I found that was the biggest issue for me as a shy person. I was always concerned about what someone would say or think about me and that made me very timid.

Although my shyness happened more when I saw older people around because I was usually fine with my peers. I was afraid that the adult would ask me something and I wouldn’t know the answer or will respond wrongly and people would laugh at me, make fun of me or call attention to me. I failed to realize that it is okay to fail and to make mistakes sometimes. I wanted to only answer a question when I knew the answer. Sometimes I may even know the answer because I have read it somewhere or someone had told me but I still wouldn’t answer because my negative inner self talk was telling me that I may still be wrong.

Controlling your inner self talk is very important: it can sometimes make you feel like a loser if you let it. So focus your inner self talk on the positive part of the situation: In this instance, you can say you might be the only one that knew the answer to the question  and people will respect you for it and the teacher will notice you and give you more attention to learn better, which will then help you come out of your comfort zone. But if you don't say anything, they won’t know that you know.

I also failed to realize that everyone gets some kind of fear of failure in them too, that it’s not only me and once you realize that, you won't worry so much about failure and you will be wiling to try even if people could laugh at you.

Thirdly, stop focusing on what you think is the negative part of you that often makes you feel insecure, and focus on the part that you think makes you look good, awesome and sexy ;). If you do this, you won't be afraid to step out of your shell. Also if there's anything that you’re insecure about that makes you very shy, then try to work on it. Perhaps you are shy because you think you are overweight or too skinny. Then start working on your body to create some changes that will give you more confidence to be bold.

What I have noticed is that people who are bold are people who are confident. Perhaps they think they are good looking or intelligent, or they know the subject matter so well that they aren’t afraid if you ask them something. This might not necessarily be true but  since they have that believe in their head, the believe gives them more confidence. You could even be very good looking and intelligent, maybe even more than them, but because you are focusing more on the negative, they will outshine you.

My ultimate advice to you, the shy person reading this and to that beautiful girl that inspired me to write this, is to stop focusing on the negative and focus on the positive. Stop thinking too much about what people say or think about you and don't be a afraid of failure. Give it a shot, put your hand up more and answer more questions, say hi to people more and initiate conversations. You will notice a rise in confidence. If your dream is to be an actor, singer, or speaker, but you are afraid of always being the centre of attention, then think about the other shy people who are doing similar things (myself, Beyonce, and many others). if we can do this then you can too if you really want it badly enough. If you don’t do it, it means you don't want it badly enough.

Sometimes I force myself to say hi to someone or to walk up and talk to them just to help me deal with that anxiety; I tell myself that I look good today, so there’s no point being shy. So do things like that repeatedly and you will eventually get use to it. Also dress well, because when you dress well when you're going out, you will feel good about yourself and that will take away part of the negative self talk. If you're not looking good and don't want attention to your weird shirt or pants, then you won't want to communicate with people even if they try to communicate with you. Dressing well doesn't mean expensive stuff but even stuff from the dollar store or Walmart that complements your body type or skin colour and makes you feel good. That's dressing well. You might even get some complements that will even make you feel better and bold. However, don't go fishing for complements because if you don't get them you will feel bad. So just dress well for you: as long as you feel great that's a good sign, so that even if complements come your way, it is a bonus, not a necessity.

If you do these things, I guarantee that you will see some results. Your shyness level will decrease and you might actually love mingling with people and perhaps become a people person like me now! :)       Good Luck!

My website : www.henryagassi.com

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Fbook: Motivational speaker Henry Agasi