How to overcome fear

I love this saying:

“what you most desire is on the other side of fear”

So in order to get what you want, you have to go through the fear. However, most of us allow fear to stop us and it’s not our fault.     

In this article I’m going to explain how fear stops you and tell you the exact steps you need to take to break through fear.                                                                                                                                                        

These are common fears that tend to hold women back from making a big change, like starting your own venture: 

• I’m not good enough
• What if I fail?
• What will people think?
• I'll be rejected 
• I can’t do that! 

One of my clients put it beautifully, she said ‘How can this little girl from Wigan do that!’                                                                                                                                          

Before we answer that, let’s look at the purpose of fear. Here’s some science…  

Fear is there to keep us safe, in evolutionary terms. When we were cave dwellers, and a sabre-toothed tiger was at the mouth of the cave, our ancient brains initiated fear and the ‘fight flight freeze’ response to keep us safe. Our bodies got pumped with cortisol which got us ready to fight or flight, or we felt paralysed in the ‘freeze’ state.                                                                                                                                    

Weirdly, that part of our brain hasn't evolved much at all, so fear still operates in the same way when you face the unknown - like when the boss calls you into her office.  Even though your life isn’t in danger (we would hope!) your brain imagines it is and your body reacts just like a caveperson would to a tiger. This is a response which is millions of years old.                                                                                                                                       

Now I’d like you to reflect on this idea: 

“Fear is just a thought about an imagined negative outcome in the future”                                                                                                                                   

With that in mind, here is an illustration of how it all works….  

If you have a yearning to leave your secure job to start a business or open a café, for instance, your brain goes “err.. that’s new, scary, that sounds unsafe”. It looks for threats and goes to the worse-case scenario of an imagined future outcome – “what if it failed, what would people think of me?”. This thought of an imagined negative outcome triggers bodily feelings of fear and humans are programmed to avoid pain or discomfort, so it’s very easy to stop there and even subconsciously, say “I’m not doing that “. Fear has done its job of keeping you safe! Hoorah!…. or not…                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Because you are safe BUT you are also frustrated and depressed because there is another drive that has evolved in you since the stone age, and that is a drive for self-actualisation.  You have a yearning for fulfilment – you want to live aligned to your values and have an impact in your life.  

So you have this internal battle between ancient fear and modern self-actualisation. 

Hopefully the yearning builds until you have to do something about – it goes from a whisper to a ROAR.            

And actually, you don't want to fight that instinctive fear response, it’s too old. What you need to do is to investigate it, to disempower it so that it doesn’t stop you.        

So, what can you do about it? 

If you really want to break through your fear, the 6 steps are:                                                                                                                                             

1.   Spot the triggers – identify what events and thoughts bring up fear, and notice what feelings come up. You are raising awareness in the moment so you can start the investigation.                                                                                                                                                                                                               

2.   Get perspective – is this fear the reality? if the worse-case scenario did come true, could you handle it? What’s a more likely outcome? When have you triumphed in the past? What could be the first safe step? I have proven tools to reframe the fear – it really doesn't have to stop you!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

3.   Be crystal clear on who you are, what you want and why you want it. Having a strong direction, knowing your purpose and your unique gifts gives you unstoppable belief and motivation. This drives you through your fear so you build resilience and it clears the way to take action.      

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                4.  Take action, however small  – look at your goal, chunk it up into in small steps. Come out of your comfort zone and into your stretch zone, but make sure it’s manageable for you. One thing at a time. You want an early win which gives you the dopamine rush reward. This gives you so much energy to go forward.                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

5.  Feel the discomfort. Ironically you don’t want to push the feeling of fear down, you want to fully feel it because then it loses its power. Define how you can relax your nervous system (it’s easier than you think – and breathe!). Fear is a feeling and it will pass.  Once you take action fear gets replaced by ‘positive’ emotions, like the joy of your first contract or building your prototype product or the excitement of a collaboration.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

6.     Let go of the outcome -– you have your goal, your plan and then you experiment! You don't know what really is going to work, you don't know where one conversation will take you. If you are open to the outcome, it will unfold for you.  Be kind to yourself, learn and grow from your mistakes and this will enable you to enjoy the process.                                                                                                                                                                                     

I’m a transformational life coach and I’ve spent my life researching how people create lasting change, which culminated in my programme, ‘The Freedom Formula’ where I enable women to find their purpose, overcome their fear and take action on what they truly desire.

If fear has held you back and that whisper has turned into a roar, get in touch . I’d love to discuss how the Freedom Formula can help you overcome fear and do what you really love. Book it here..  https://calendly.com/thefreedomformula/discovery-call