How to overcome the fear of failure?

Fear of failure is one of the strongest obstacles that stands in the way of success. This unpleasant feeling arises in us even before we start doing anything. It paralyzes us, makes us inert and indecisive and blocks our actions.

Why are we so afraid of failure? People do not realize their plans for years because of this fear, coming up with more and more reasons why their dream is unattainable for them.

Who programmed us to lose?

Only imagine an episode from someone's life. A mother is teaching her 8-year-old child homework and the boy can’t read the text perfectly; he stumbles for some reason. Then mom starts to get irritated and shouted: “You can’t do anything. You’re just like your father. You’re mediocrity. If I were your teacher, I’d only give you bad marks!” What do you think is happening to him? That's right, he closes himself off more and more, his trust ends to this world. He will lose interest in studying in the future completely. As a result, two important conclusions are recorded in the baby’s subconscious supported by a powerful emotional reaction:" Studying is a rather negative activity, since my mother scolds and is dissatisfied with me constantly. If my mother says that I am mediocre, then it is really so and I will never be able to learn anything, so why continue all this stuff?" Besides mom, there are other programmers - dads, grandparents, teachers and many other “kind” people. They know better than we do, how will be better for us in a given situation, how events will develop for us. Once they found themselves in similar situations and experienced a lot of unpleasant feelings but they did not work through their psychological traumas due to various individual life reasons.

Thanks to them, the child begins to think: “No matter what I undertake, I will lose and nothing good will come of it.” And when we grow up, the choir from the voices of mothers, fathers, grandmothers and other people transforms into the general figure of the internal critic. And every time you undertake something, it certainly sounds in your head: “Don’t come here, don’t do it, don’t stick your head out, etc.” It is "the inner critic" who destroys all your plans. We really don't like it when someone criticizes us. But we listen to our inner critic, even if it annoys us. Because he is inside of us and is always nearby (From childhood basically).

Several ways to overcome the fear of failure.

Method 1. Affirmations.

I am sure you have heard about such a method as affirmations. These are positive attitudes that we try to introduce into our heads instead of negative ones. Their text can be read on your phone's voice recorder. The text can be completely different (wherever you prefer to gain good vibes); it is important to choose the right positive wording (Can't, don't and similar are excluded). You can use this option: “My life is getting better. I can do anything. Anything is possible, because I believe in myself and my strength. Happiness is wherever I decide to see it. I believe that my possibilities are unlimited. I choose to let go of the past and start the road to a new happy life today." You can play this recording for 1.5-2 hours and listen to it before bed.

But there is 1 small side effect. The whole parts of you, the important parts of the subconscious consider safer in doing nothing, begins to come into conflict with the part that says: “I can do anything!” and believes in it. The subconscious part, which does not want changes, begins to create all sorts of blocks. And while the body is recovering, the internal conflict flares up again. The infirm part is the older one. It has incorporated not only your experience, but also the experience of your parents, grandparents and other significant people from your childhood. The powerful part, although full of energy and inspiration, is young and needs support. Therefore, after some time, that part is more confident that life is dangerous, and convinces the part, that believed that you can live without fear, take risks and try to start something interesting and profitable, in it's rightness. (For example, you broke your arm or had an accident before an important performance, so it’s better to sit quietly and keep your head down as usual).

Method 2. Declarations.

A declaration is when you publicly declare some big goal. For example: “I will buy a house for 5000000$ in a year!” Considering that you earn so much now that you won’t be able to afford such a house even in the next 10 years. You enter into an agreement (stamped and signed), and if you don’t earn 5000000$, then you will pay 2000000 $ in penalties. A complete insane motivation appears to act suddenly. If you don't earn money or don't pay the fine, you will be sued. Therefore, you begin to act completely differently than before. All excuses, for example :" I won’t succeed, I can’t, it’s unrealistic." - disappears at once. Influence of this super-motivational kick is unbelivable. If it doesn’t work out, you need to give 2000000$.

The disadvantages of this method is a very strong setback in the psyche or in health, or everywhere at once after the goal is achieved. This is truly hyper-tension that you can go through while you are young, healthy and strong. This is a challenge, a way out to new opportunities. Sometimes such shake-ups and declarations are necessary and can be used. But be prepared for the fact that everything that was suppressed in the subconscious during this time will begin to come out through mood changes, conflicts with family and illness. In addition, not everyone copes with his declared goals (This depends on the personality traits, date of birth and the person’s environment). And then - new debts, disappointments, a feeling of worthlessness, etc.

Method 3. Simoron's technique.

A lot of people want very fast and powerful results and go to motivation and life transformation trainings such as “Simoron's trainings”, for example.

Simoron testifies that every person has unlimited creative potential and the ability to make any changes in the world around him but these abilities are constrained by the limitations of the usual picture of the world. “Simoron” is an amazing technique, one might say a magical technique, when you are pumped with energy through fun, play, joy and encourage your inner child to start living life to the fullest. And you begin to really believe that everything is solved simple and easy for you. And it really becomes so. A very important point is that you need to arrange your environment in such a way as to receive positive support constantly. Every time you come out of the “happy flight” state and sag in energy, there should be those nearby who can “lift” you back. This is either a close environment or constant visits to different motivational trainings.

Benefits - you are filled with positive energy and self-confidence, there is a lot of joy in your life.

Disadvantages - you have to pay a very "high price" to keep yourself in a constant state of enthusiasm. Such trainings are kind of artificial boost that allows you to gain energy for some specific time.

Method 4. Coaching.

Coaching is the greenest and healthiest way to overcome the fear of failure. Any unpleasant situation happens - work through it with a coach (like me) and continue to enjoy life.

So what is coaching?

Coaching is the way of communicating with a person in which conscious associative thinking is launched by using asked correct questions consistently. And as soon as it starts, a person begins to see situations of his own misunderstanding, insufficiency or contradiction and finds ways to cope with them. And he finds these ways himself, without a hint from the outside, and this is much more valuable than getting a ready-made solution from some guru. Basically, coaching is what is called mindfulness.

When a person is asked the right questions, whether he wants it or not, he begins to find the keys to the closed doors of his mind. Coaching is a powerful mindfulness technique.The right qualified coach helps the client with his questions to create an informed state and consider certain segments of his life.

Coaching questions are structured to recreate model of effective thinking. Coaching is based on the knowledge of human neurophysiology, on knowledge about thinking functions. So when we start ask coaching questions, whether the person wants it or not, his insights begin.

What does coaching do in a person's life? It enhances awareness and responsibility. Man starts to be aware of himself as the cause of everything that happens in his life. Having realized this, the person understands that he is in control of the situation, that he can influence on it, he can actually choose - what move, change, impove, end. People use their potential by only 30-40%. Our efficiency is equal to our potential minuses, our internal obstacles and fear is the strongest.

The main goal of coaching is to remove an internal obstacles on the way of achieving efficiency, knowledge, any goal, pleasure.