How Our Past Shapes Our Communication

I recently had the pleasure of writing an article for Dave Sanderson 's Moments Matter Magazine (Summer Issue 2024). I reflected on one of my past experiences, and it has reinvigorated a passion in me that I’m happy to share with you today. To read the full article, please comment below and we will send it over to you!

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How Our Past Shapes Our Communication

Our past experiences influence our values, behavior, and ultimately how we communicate with the world. These foundational stories, which I refer to as "central organizing stories," are pivotal events or series of events that create a lasting imprint on our perception of life, dictating how we approach both personal and professional relationships.

An important part of my company’s philosophy is based on our Core Values and “connection,” is at the top of the list (it’s also in the name of my company Connect To The Core). I define our “connection” Core Value as the relentless and conscious practice of seeing things from others’ perspectives. This value didn’t emerge from an abstract principle; it was born out of a formative experience during my childhood in the civil rights era of the 1950s and 60s. When I was in the first grade, I was punished for speaking out of turn—nothing unusual for me. What was shocking, however, was the nature of the punishment. I was seated next to Roland, the only African American child in the class.

At the time, I didn’t understand the implications. The unspoken message behind the punishment was that sitting next to Roland was supposed to be undesirable because of his race. But to me, it didn’t feel like much of a punishment—I liked Roland. While he wasn’t a close friend, there was nothing wrong with sitting next to him. However, I quickly realized the deeper meaning of the teacher’s action. Roland was being used as a tool of discipline, and the emotional weight of that discrimination must have been immense for him.

This experience etched itself into my memory and laid the foundation for how I view communication. It taught me to always look at situations from others’ perspectives, recognizing the emotional burdens people carry that aren’t immediately visible.

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The Power of the Central Organizing Story

Everyone has a central organizing story—a narrative shaped by past events that impacts how we approach life. These stories often come with declarations, such as "Never again" or "From now on," and shape the values we hold dear. In business and communication, they influence how we build relationships, make decisions, and express our intentions.

For me, that childhood event with Roland shaped my lifelong commitment to understanding others and fostering connection. This commitment extends to every interaction at Connect To The Core. Our clients know they can trust us to listen, value diverse viewpoints, and strive to understand the unique challenges they face. This creates an atmosphere of trust, a vital ingredient in strong relationships, whether they be personal or professional.

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Aligning Words with Actions in Communication

In any realm—especially business—alignment between what we say and what we do is critical. A discrepancy between the two erodes trust, and when trust is lost, meaningful connections fade. Conversely, when our actions reflect our words, we foster collaboration, mutual respect, and stronger relationships.

Communication isn’t merely about exchanging information; it’s about building genuine relationships. Who you are being during communication—the authenticity you bring—matters just as much as the content of what you say. When you communicate from a place of authenticity, you allow others to connect with the real you. That’s where the most meaningful connections are formed, and that’s where results are driven.

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Final Thoughts

Our central organizing stories define how we show up in the world, shaping both our personal and professional lives. These stories go beyond branding or messaging—they reflect our deepest values and who we are. In business, they allow companies to be authentic, transparent, and connected to the people they serve.

I think of Roland often and hope that he transformed his painful experience into something positive, just as I did. What was meant as a punishment has become one of my greatest life lessons, serving as a constant reminder of the importance of empathy and connection. Our past, no matter how challenging, can be a source of strength and inspiration, guiding us to communicate with clarity, purpose, and authenticity.

If you’re ready to explore your own central organizing story and uncover your core values, we’d love to help. Reach out to us at [email protected] and request our complimentary tool, “Discovering Your Passion and Conviction,” to begin your journey toward more authentic communication.

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