How our choices impact who we are as leaders - The Pride Month edition.

Choices. We all make them daily. Some are easy and require little thought, while others are more complex and demand deeper consideration. But how do our choices impact who we are as leaders? The answer is: profoundly.

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I firmly believe that LGBTQAI+ inclusion should be ingrained in any organisation comprehensively, and while Pride Month serves as an excellent platform to highlight specific topics and foster conversations, the commitment to inclusion must extend beyond it. Being a role model means exhibiting exemplary behaviours so that others may reflect on their own actions and decide their next steps. Therefore, it is essential for role models to share the experiences that have shaped them.

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Let me take you back to the early 2000s, just over twenty years ago, to illustrate the significant impact that choices have on our personal and professional behaviours.

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To provide context, as a teenager, I struggled with fluctuations in my weight. Although I took full responsibility for this, it didn’t mean I was always comfortable with myself, especially when I needed to increase my exercise levels. When I entered the leadership pipeline in the early 2000s, I was determined to make my mark and get noticed. I wanted my talent to shine through and did everything possible to impress. At the same time, I was hitting the gym and feeling great about myself.

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On the day in question, I encountered a senior leader in the corridor. We engaged in some informal work related chat, and as we were about to go our separate ways, the leader made a comment that left me stunned: “You look like you’ve lost a lot of weight; you haven’t got AIDS, have you?”

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I was both enraged and flattered. Growing up in the 80s during the height of the AIDS epidemic, I was acutely aware of the homophobic nature of the comment, which infuriated me. On the other hand, the leader had noticed my weight loss, which appealed to my desires at the time. This incident exemplifies how our brains can work in polarising ways, directly impacting our ability to make choices.

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So, what action did I take? Nothing. Despite feeling comfortable in my personal and professional surroundings and being open about my sexuality, I didn’t want to jeopardise my career. I remember walking back to my desk, perplexed by what had just happened. Speaking to a colleague, they advised me to accept it as “just the way they are” and not to do anything, lest I be labelled a troublemaker. Naively, I followed this advice and let the homophobic behaviour go unchallenged.

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I thought I had compartmentalised the incident. However, several years later, in a senior leadership role, I began to reflect on it in relation to being a role model. Choosing not to call out such behaviour went against everything I stood for, and it did back then too. I felt disappointed in myself for not having the skills to handle the situation or, as I now believe, for choosing career progression over my values and beliefs. This was a pivotal moment in defining who I wanted to be as a leader and the moral compass I wanted to carry with me. It solidified my desire to ensure that others following in my footsteps would have the skills and confidence to handle similar situations better than I did.

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Today provides an opportunity to reflect on our progress in the business world and society. Twenty years ago, we didn’t have the Equality Act of 2010, comprehensive company policies to provide people with security, or the visibility and awareness of how behaviours affect LGBTQAI+ individuals. While there is still much to do, we have made significant strides in improving the workplace for future generations. I am confident that if the same comment were made today, the individual would feel much more empowered to act rather than remain silent. This empowerment stems from the knowledge that such behaviour will not be tolerated. This is why role models, policies, and visibility initiatives are crucial—they inform people that it is acceptable to challenge inappropriate behaviour.

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Most leaders and managers will likely encounter dilemmas that challenge their values and beliefs at some point in their careers. Reflecting on these experiences later often brings the realisation that a different decision might have been better. However, life is about owning our decisions and using these experiences to make better choices. What I am certain of is that I won’t make the same choice a second time.