How Our Brains Lie to Us: Understanding The Science behind Crucial Conversations

Understanding the dynamics of conversation goes beyond mere words exchanged — it delves into the influence of our internal narratives and emotional response to those narratives. Master trainer Justin Hale discussed this topic?in-depth in our latest webinar, “Why We Say the Things We Say: The Social Science Behind Crucial Conversations.”

Filling in the Blanks

Emotions, as research by James Gross and Ross Thompson illustrates, aren't directly triggered by external events. Instead, they are influenced by stories we tell ourselves about these events. Imagine it — someone is rude to you in the grocery store, and your brain makes up a story to fill in the blanks. We sometimes call this an appraisal.

“What a jerk! He must have no respect for others!”

Our brain, in an attempt to help us, tends to assume things that make sense in the moment. Acknowledging this insight is crucial because it implies that by reshaping these internal narratives, we can effectively manage our emotional responses and, consequently, steer conversations towards more positive outcomes.

“He might be having a tough day.”

Reshaping Your Thoughts

Now let's talk about cognitive reappraisal as a powerful tool. It involves reframing situations to alter their emotional impact, thereby reducing negative emotions and enhancing problem-solving during conversations. This technique not only aids in maintaining composure but also fosters an opportunity to have a successful Crucial Conversation, making it invaluable in both personal and professional interactions.?

In fact, studies indicate a clear correlation between effective emotion regulation techniques, such as reappraisal, and improved interpersonal communication. Individuals who are good at these strategies experience less anger and anxiety during conflicts, leading to more favorable resolutions and strengthened relationships.?

That means less stress for you and a stronger connection with your colleagues and loved ones. This underscores the transformative potential of integrating social science insights into everyday communication practices.

Sometimes, our brains aren’t always accurate. Mastering emotions and succeeding in conversations hinges on our ability to reshape the stories we tell ourselves that influence our emotional responses.?

Parting Words

Cognitive reappraisal is a practical approach to mastering our stories. When we master our stories and question what we know versus what we are assuming, we can begin to master our brain before it embarks on what could be a harmful or inaccurate appraisal. By incorporating these strategies into our Crucial Conversations,?we can have more productive (and less contentious)?interactions and, ultimately, stronger relationships.?

To decode your brain even further and better understand the science behind Crucial Conversations, check out the full on-demand webinar “Why We Say the Things We Say: The Social Science Behind Crucial Conversations” here: https://ow.ly/vbUQ50SzKow .

Crucial Insights Vol. 3

Written & Edited by Jenna Weber, Brittney Maxfield